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Everything posted by patently

  1. BMW M5 Review

    OK, I've had the car since 8:30 this morning so I guess it's time to start typing. For those that don't know, I've been given the car for a 24 hour test drive while my E60 535d is in the tender mercies of the Service Department. The thing that has struck me about the car is my reaction when people ask me what it's like. You know how things are, people spot you are in something different, they ask what it is, then they ask what it's like. As petrolheads, we always take that as our cue to talk about the car for a little bit too long, until they're shuffling their feet a bit and looking for an exit. It's not like that with the M5 though. I'm finding I have a different reaction to being asked the "what's it like" question - a reaction I'm not used to. I couldn't work out what was going on for a while, but by mid-afternoon I'd worked it out. I'm speechless. It is taking the power of speech away from me. I just stand there, giggling quietly, grinning like an idiot. The power delivery is unreal, in a way that creeps up on you. You can pootle around in this car, everything being civilised and sensible like proper M cars of the past, and then you get to a straight bit and prod the pedalandohmygodthatsthehorizoncomingbetterduckitsgoingtohitme. When you get the engine on the cam and the tyres on a dry bit, it just flies. It is laugh-out-loud fast, literally. Bear in mind what I normally drive, too - a 996 911 and a 535d, neither of which are slouches. But this is just stupendous. I know what you're thinking: "shock, horror, patently tries out an M car and finds out it's fast, like wow...". But you have to understand me, I drive a 911 regularly, I've driven an E46 M3 in the past, I spent a day in an E60 M5 and was distinctly underwhelmed by the power, this is something special. And I'm loving it. There is something about the manner of the power delivery that is addictive, and I think it's the turbos. I know this is seen by some as sacrilege in an M car, for it not to be normally aspirated, but it somehow works. To me, the essence of M is that the car is understated, does not attract attention, does not mark you out as a boy racer (except to those in the know). This means you don't get into pissing contests, you can drive it to a client's site without them blinking, people who look down on owners of powerful cars don't realise you have one, and the only people who know what it is are people who appreciate that kind of thing. That, to me, is a very tempting package - a supercar that I can use routinely without getting spat on, and without suffering the impracticalities that are taken as read in supercarland. That requires a car that looks smart, can pootle comfortably around town, can glide down the motorway, but can lift its skirts and run like hell at the slightest provocation. The M5 does that in spades, and I do think the turbos help. When the engine is ticking over, the grunt of the V8 nudges it onwards effortlessly without making a fuss or a racket - just a low grumble like Tom Jones trying to whisper something to you. Then, when the coast is clear, you get the revs up and BANG! you're off. Perfect. The usual canard about the M5, propagated by technophobe idiots like dear Jeremy, is that there are a whole host of settings to vary that require you to get involved in the car design and do the engineers' job for them. This is wrong - the system is highly adjustable but sensibly so. Take the suspension, for example. This can be varied between several settings, called "nicely firm", "really quite firm", "very firm indeed", "Audi Standard Soft", and "Z4 3.5i" at the touch of a button. (Actually, I made the last two up and the first three are really called "Comfort", "Sport" and "Sport Plus".) The same then applies to the steering firmness, the throttle response, and the gearshift program. It's all quite intuitive, I worked it out without any help from the dealership, and you can save up to three different combinations for immediate recall. One of the three is the default that applies when you start up, and the other two are available from the M1 or M2 buttons on the steering wheel. It makes a real difference to the drive, and is a Good Thing in the context of a car that is doing a Jekyll & Hyde act like the M5 - taking me home when I'm knackered and want to go to bed, popping to the shops with a spouse at the wheel while her car is in for service, and then turning on the taps when it's a nice day and I'm up for some fun. It means you can set the default to be quite gentle, and have the supercar back when you want it. The non-M-specific bits are all standard F25 5 series, of course. Coming from an E60, I'm impressed. The satnav looks a lot better, and the interior is very nice indeed. The dashboard layout is a thing of beauty, I could stare at it for hours. Master P also tells me the back seat is a lot more comfy than our E60. Problems? Well, it's been damp today, which has meant getting off the line is a problem. The rears spin ridiculously easy; the car could do with having the engine at the rear, really,... like a proper car ... Seriously, I suspect the bill for tyres is going to be silly. If you buy one, buy some shares in your preferred tyre supplier as well, at least you'll get something back then. And on the subject of bills, the answer to your other question is "17mpg, so far". But that is nitpicking. This really is a fantastic car. I commend it to you all, unreservedly. And now, if you will excuse me, I have a pointless journey to make.
  2. BMW M5 Review

    It's ****ing magnificent.
  3. Hi, it's me. Long time no post and all that. Sorry, been busy. Anyway, anyone remember a few years back when I asked if I was mad to think about getting a used Cayenne GTS? You know, the thread where I ended up getting a brand new one, after applying ridiculous levels of man maths? Well, the GTS has been absolutely lovely, but I've just had a rather tempting offer for it, coincidentally just after buying a rather special Defender. So my mind is saying that the Defender can take over the 4x4 and towing duties of the Cayenne and I can slot a nice road car in its place. But what to get? Now, I tested an E63 AMG some years ago, and liked everything about it apart from the price and a lingering suspicion that it would depreciate like a brick. So obviously the same logic now says to buy one that has depreciated. Early ones are £15k at independent dealers and from about £30k at main dealers. Anyone have an in-depth knowledge of the E-class AMG cars that they would liek to illuminate me with? Any particular model years/options etc to go for or avoid? And don't all just say "why not get a new one, the interior is much nicer". That's not happening. No. Definitely not. Not this time. I know, I know, this time is different. (£11k, V8, over 500hp ) Or any other suggestions? An M5 is tempting but I hear horror stories of used E60s, E39 seems to be classics now and priced accordingly, and F10s are a bit on the expensive side?
  4. Possibly about to do something stupid again...?

    Nah, it's stuff like lane departure warning, lane change warning, collision alerts and such. Am thinking of ripping it out and seeing if I can fit it to the Caterham. He should wish Maybe in a while. A long while...!
  5. Possibly about to do something stupid again...?

    F10 M5 Saloon S63 4.4i LCI Monte Carlo Blue Metallic Black Extended Merino Leather Service Pack from 14/04/2016 to 13/04/2021 20" 343M light Double-spoke alloy wheels Steering wheel heating Reversing Assist camera Bootlid operation. Powered Climate Comfort windscreen Dark Ash wood interior trim M Multi-function seats. Front Split-folding rear seats Lumbar support. Driver and front pass. Surround-view Internet Loudspeaker system - harman/kardon surround M rear spoiler Speed limit display Active Security package
  6. BMW M5 Review

    I think I may have set some kind of a record for the longest gap between test drive and purchase?
  7. Possibly about to do something stupid again...?

    No, blue. Waved goodbye to the Cayenne this morning, just agreed on this one
  8. Possibly about to do something stupid again...?

    No towbar. Probably wouldn’t be wise. The current M5s are 4WD but I can’t afford them (yes, I know the interiors are lovely…). F10 would be the choice, which is RWD*. *LIKE IT SHOULD BE
  9. Possibly about to do something stupid again...?

    Right! The Defender is working OK (*touches wood*) so the Cayenne is now up for sale. Roll up, roll up, you all know you want 440hp of Porsche handling in a practical package... Next step: bank the cash and hunt for an M5...
  10. 15 years of MK

    Pah. It's got a roof, doors and a windscreen. Luxury
  11. Possibly about to do something stupid again...?

    Still working on it! Have been insanely busy and the Defender has been playing me around, it needs a little more work to get it running just-so. Am also veering towards an F10 M5 after my family all looked at me in utter horror at the prospect of me getting a Mercedes. Master P suggested he might not get in and that I was nothing like old enough...
  12. RS3 - Saloon!

    8 series was always a "wow" car. That's... normal looking
  13. GLC 63S

    Most, maybe, but not all Fun, isn't it
  14. Post a pic of your car

    Not all of us. Yet
  15. 2002 996.2 3.6 Coupe

    I'm. Saying. Nothing. At. All.
  16. 2002 996.2 3.6 Coupe

    I'd rather you looked at my 911, tbh? My sills are fine.
  17. Dangerous my arse. I should send them a few of my race videos.
  18. GLC 63S

    Nice. Like the interior, much better than the old model...
  19. 2006 987 Boxster 2.7

    It niggles me that the 911 is FPA, not FAP
  20. 2002 996.2 3.6 Coupe

    How did you know that's where they go on the cabrio... oh
  21. 2002 996.2 3.6 Coupe

    I wouldn't know.... (do you really think they'd give receipts?)
  22. 2002 996.2 3.6 Coupe

    I should probably clarify that he is referring to a restaurant. Which is actually an Indian restaurant. Not a knocking shop. That's about 200 yards up the road, on the left, just behind the roundabout.
  23. 2002 996.2 3.6 Coupe

    Be a good chap and nip down here to show me. Ta