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Crippling debt


dukeboy749r
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Over the last six / seven years (it really is as long as that which makes this even worse), I have through my own fault, managed to get myself into a huge load of debt (I can't understand the 'pile' thing, I thought that was a cash positive thing - debt is surely only ever a hole?)

A combination of bad judgement, misfortune (accepting jobs that then got withdrawn and in the meantime turning down lower, but ultimately 'real' jobs) and too much dreaming instead of doing.

Anyway, as much as this is my fault (and I totally accept that), I have tried to persevere to get myself out of the situation.

Now, however, despite being really close to getting sorted (good, stead day job with prospects), also involved with a start-up of which I own a good amount of shares that in the next 6-12 months will gain some good value, plus have fingers in other pies (not distracting [unlike previous times] from day job) but which are also on the verge of paying me commissions for intros etc.

But in the meantime, I have just been paid and already (three days into the month) am broke, over my overdraft limits (and we're not talking a few hundred quid overdrafts) and more bills, demands etc keep flooding in.

I think I am at my wits end. New wife (6 months) a five year old daughter, another baby due.

I have tried, as I have said to keep being positive and work my way out of this hole. By being positive, ethical, hardworking, but still sinking.

And whilst I may get lambasted for bringing this on myself, I am besides myself with worry, sleepless nights etc.

I try not to burden my wife with too much, after all it is my debt and not hers, but I fear so much I have failed. I have agreements with my creditors but they all want their money plus some, mortgage is going through the roof, no equity (covered by more debt) and whilst I know given a respite from the endless spiral I will make lots of cash, right now, I cannot see a way out of the mire.

Sorry to post this, and please don't be too harsh. I just need some thoughts - or advice.

I am desperate to avoid an IVA, plus bankruptcy - I owe the money and am willing to pay.

God I feel low.

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I am no debt counsellor, but its the same for most things people worry about IMO.

The fear and the worry is usually worse than an actual event. I liken it to suffering with lingering bad tooth ache because you are scared to go to the dentist.

Make the appointment to see the dentist and you will start feeling better straight away, as you are doing something positive about it.

The trip to the dentist may be painful, but at least you can get it over with and then carry on with your life.

So my advice is:

Firstly, tell your wife the situation. A problem shared is a problem halved.

Secondly, start to do something about it. I beliece Citizens Advice are very good with debt situations - and lets be honest, you are one amongst millions.

Thirdly, Stop worrying!! It serves no purpose!! Do something by all means, but worrying will achieve absolutely nothing.

And remember that today is the day you were worrying about yesterday!

Good luck and well done for being honest telling us lot.

beerchug.gif

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You need to speak to your wife so that she a) understands why you might be stressed to the hills b) knows that have money issues, you are a partnership and this does affect your family as a whole.

Have you spoken to CAB? What ever you do, do not bury your head in the sand, you've alraedy made the right steps by speaking to your creditors. Assume that you've cut back where every possible? Is your wife likely to go back to work after baby No 2? ANy money coming in will benefit you, no matter how small.

Good luck fella, it will work out right 169144-ok.gif

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Also looking at your profile you have an M3, not what I would call a cheap car to run by any means. If it was me, luxury type car would be one of the first thing to go, so what if you lose a bit of pride in the process with your mates. You have to think of your family and not what people think of you. Seel it and get a cheapish run about.

Just my 2p worth

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Hi guys

I am not Dukeboy, I am his significant other (!)

He has gine out for some fresh air, and I saw this and thought (although I don't usually pry into what he does on his laptop - although I know car related forums is one thing he spends some time frequenting!)

I would like to give some other background into our situation.

Firstly, Dukeboy749r has told me about the situation, he was honest from when we met. He has already sold his car and the bike, some months ago to help - although he had to get a cheap scooter (he won't thank me for telling you that!) to get to the station.

Dukeboy is one of the hardest working people I have ever known. After working in London all day he comes in and after spending time with us, he goes back to work, on the other things I have seen he has mentioned. Anything it seems to try and help overcome the hole we find ourselves in.

As a person he has not had wha you might call the luckiest of lives. At seven he lost his father, and whilst many do, he then lost a brother-in-law in the Falklands War to whom he also looked up. As the brother-in-law he lost also won the Victoria Cross, he felt an immense sense of pride, but also a further burden in trying to emmulate such a man.

So with no male role models, he has tried to always be what he thought they would have helped him become.

Also, from a current debt perspective, he left a big American corporation just prior to it being sold and set up with some colleagues a business that subsequently IBM wanted to buy. One of the Directors in this business happened to be a next door neighbour and helped, through his contacts, to get an intro to the CEO of IBM globally. All well and good, until this same neighbour then stitched up the business and took the contacts made (due to my husbands idea) and told IBM that they (hubbies business) weren't that interested!! So that was a six figure hole in his finances.

He separated from his wife and although amicable, she had been such a mental bully, always trying to stop him trying to better himself etc, that he has suffered mentally ever since and struggles to beat a lot of inner demons now. His confidence is returning but it is hard to watch someone struggle because someone else destroyed their inner faith.

My husband has more ideas in one week than I have ever had for businesses! Now they might not all be good, but he never stops trying. In fact the small venture he also mentioned is one he was previously involved in, and having helped the founder of it for the past three years, for free (working weekends and postponing our wedding from last year) to do so. He also got them the money they needed and then the founder got my husband fired from the business. Hubby had left a 'regular' job to go and work with this guy - who this year was booted out of his own business for being useless - talk about ironic!

Anyway, I should also say that our daughter is not his by birth, but you would never know the way he treats her and cares for her.

Her 'real' father (although I don't think of him as such - he was a bully to me for years), pays no money, has not visited her for over a year again - (and whilst we are glad it is such a shame that it is Dukeboy who feels guilty!)

He pays for everything for her, including a private school as she has turned out to be very bright and he wanted her to have the best opportunity to benefit from that.

Anyway, I have said way too much and whilst he might be annoyed, I think it needed saying. You have already been supportive and he will be very grateful, as am I that he obviously has some virtual friends who are more supportive than past 'real' ones have been!

Anyway, no doubt he will also reply.

Thank you for your thoughts and advice.

Mrs Dukeboy749r

(he loved that bike!)

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Sounds like you have got yourself a good lady there fella 169144-ok.gif

You say you have agreements in place with your creditors. Is this on an individual basis with them or did you do a full income and expenditure plan and send it to all of them so they are all aware of the full picture?

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Whilst I am not able to offer any useful financial advice, from an emotional point of view, I'd say focus on the positives.....

Sounds like you have a great wife and a new child on the way, whilst they won't pay the bills, that's worth a lot!

Good luck 169144-ok.gif

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Booster

Thanks firstly for the pm - I have already replied.

As for the Income & Expenditure, yes I did that and only have one company who now have requested it - (I had been trying to keep up full payments on it, which might have been the 'right thing to do' but wasn't the best thing to do!)

It seems to be a never ending mountain. And I hate heights Flush.gif

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[ QUOTE ]

Whilst I am not able to offer any useful financial advice, from an emotional point of view, I'd say focus on the positives.....

Sounds like you have a great wife and a new child on the way, whilst they won't pay the bills, that's worth a lot!

Good luck 169144-ok.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

If this is what my life is, then so be it! Because you are right and in my wife, daughter and a baby on the way (all of whom I love and seem to love me) , I am very very lucky.

Thank you for all of your support btw.

And to my wife, who I am now going to hide this laptop from!! beerchug.gif

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[ QUOTE ]

I am no debt counsellor, but its the same for most things people worry about IMO.

The fear and the worry is usually worse than an actual event. I liken it to suffering with lingering bad tooth ache because you are scared to go to the dentist.

Make the appointment to see the dentist and you will start feeling better straight away, as you are doing something positive about it.

The trip to the dentist may be painful, but at least you can get it over with and then carry on with your life.

So my advice is:

Firstly, tell your wife the situation. A problem shared is a problem halved.

Secondly, start to do something about it. I beliece Citizens Advice are very good with debt situations - and lets be honest, you are one amongst millions.

Thirdly, Stop worrying!! It serves no purpose!! Do something by all means, but worrying will achieve absolutely nothing.

And remember that today is the day you were worrying about yesterday!

Good luck and well done for being honest telling us lot.

beerchug.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Soulboy

Thank you for being kind enough to respond.

As for telling "you lot" (!) I think the need to seek (any?) advice won over the shame...

But it has certainly helped reduce the immediate anxiety

Thanks again

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We all find ourselves in debt at some stage in life.

I still have a loan for example which I am paying off for another three years, a mortgage, etc....

We are comfortable and work hard for a living. However, if I were to live the last 10 years differently from a financial perspective, I wouldn;t make the same mistakes again.

remember, you still need to have some fun! 169144-ok.gif

You're doing the right thing. Admit the problem, discuss openly, plan a way forward and stick to it.

You'll get there in the end. 169144-ok.gif

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[ QUOTE ]

We all find ourselves in debt at some stage in life.

I still have a loan for example which I am paying off for another three years, a mortgage, etc....

We are comfortable and work hard for a living. However, if I were to live the last 10 years differently from a financial perspective, I wouldn;t make the same mistakes again.

remember, you still need to have some fun! 169144-ok.gif

You're doing the right thing. Admit the problem, discuss openly, plan a way forward and stick to it.

You'll get there in the end. 169144-ok.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks UberBlingMeister

You are right and I certainly hope so. jump.gif

But it sure ain't half a tough course...

Oh well, onwards and upwards (or along if that makes the tunnelling any easier...)

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[ QUOTE ]

You're doing the right thing. Admit the problem, discuss openly, plan a way forward and stick to it.

You'll get there in the end. 169144-ok.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Definately the right thing to do, even just discussing it will help, being honest with yourself and others will make things easier still 169144-ok.gif

Chin up lad, there are many many people worse off than yourself.

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[ QUOTE ]

Mate - after reading her input - your partner sounds a diamond. With support like that, you'll get through it all.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks dadstoys.

She and my daughter are.

In that way, I couldn't be any richer. bowdown.gifbeerchug.gif

Would just like to make it through one month without being so broke that right now, I'm wondering how to pay for the train fare for Monday and work.... Flush.gif169144-ok.gif

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An IVA would be a solution, but I perfectly understand your reasons for not wanting to go down this route. - However the only real negative to it as far as I'm aware (Mrs_Omi is 2 years into her 5 year agreement) is that it will screw your credit rating for a while. If you're in the situation where you're currently missing payments already, there is already damage done to your credit rating.

Rather than take an IVA and 'write-off' a large chunk of the debt with your creditors, why not approach each of them in the same way the IVA representative would, and offer terms for settlement. For example, if you KNOW you'll be back on your feet in 6 months, ask for a 6-month payment break, interest-bearing if it makes it more appealing to them, and you will resume payments as normal and pay the balance in full.

Anyone in a position high enough to make this decision will jump at it. Their other option is to lose up to 75% of the debt via IVA, or lose it through bankruptcy.

My jaded financial history has shown me that creditors are often, but not always, willing to help if it means they don't lose money.

If only a few of your debts could be arranged this way, it might just mean the difference between managing repayments on the others.

I might be talking crap, but hey, I certainly mean well and truly hope you and Mrs_Dukeboy can get it together. You sure seem to deserve a break, and I know from experience how harrowing and stressful debt can be, as well as how much it intrudes into every aspect of your life.

A friend ended up selling the house and moving into terrible rented accomodation in order to get his head above water. May not be an option for your family, but it sorted him out!

Best of luck, Sir (and Madame!)

Omi

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Hello... Mrs Omi Jumping on the laptop whilst Omi is away doing boy stuff....

An IVA is a choice you could persue, however as omi said I am now 2 years in and I wish I had just bit the bullet and went bankrupt. This would mean I would now be debt free and be able to start rebuilding my life. Luckily I have Omi who has secured us a mortgage so I dont feel so pathetic being landed with my ex's debt.

A word of warning however, credit lenders dont differenciate between a satisfied IVA and bankruptcy, so if you can go the easy route and pay it quicker then do so cos it doesnt make a difference in the long run.

Having said that I echo Mr Omis sentiments and hope that you and the Mrs can sort yourself out of this mess x

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