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Another broken heart...........


bells0
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Well, it's another TSN'er that's had his heart crushed.

6 years together and 3 1/2 years of marriage looks doomed.

Funny, i have been looking back at other posts to take some comfort - and found a 'are you truly happy' post from 5 months ago. I was the one gushing about how great my relationship was.

The last couple of months have been odd, i was aware that the passion had left and i was becoming very needy - wanting cuddles and kisses, i knew something wasn't quite right. She was going places with work, and that just seemed to consume her.

This led to some tension and a couple of arguments. She had become glued to her mobile phone and went ape when i tried to look at it, so i knew something was wrong - she was always so open.

So, last Tues i sneaked a look at her phone whilst she was in the shower - and my worst fears we realised. A text from a work bloke saying he was thinking of her naked frown.gif

So she has left me. Saying she has given her all to the relationship and that it wasn't working. She hasn't done anything with the lad from work, but has 'feelings' for him frown.gif

Am totally crushed, it has come completely out of the blue. I know things had turned a bit off, but to walk out and not try to sort it has left me devastated. My friends and family just cannot believe it, we always looked so happy - a few friends have always said they dreamed of having the relationship we had.

I am so numb, all i can do is think of all the amazing things we have done together and that she always seemed so happy.

I know she is under massive stress at work, and i probably didn't see or support her - i guess this why she has taken grown feelings for her work collegue. I just can't believe she would do such a thing - she was always so moralistic.

Sorry for going on, just wanted to share, as i guess it is the norm these days for people to give up easily and throw away what i thought was a 'life' commitment.

Chris - going through Hell.

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Gutted for you mate.. must be like a bad nightmare you don't wake from.

Try and keep positive. .it'll hurt like hell, but you will get through it. You can also take comfort in the fact that the grass isn't always greener and it'll be tough for your partner too.

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[ QUOTE ]

I know she is under massive stress at work, and i probably didn't see or support her - i guess this why she has taken grown feelings for her work collegue. I just can't believe she would do such a thing - she was always so moralistic.

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I know it's hard, but don't blame yourself.

If a relationship starts to break down, both should try and fix it. She didn't - she got involved with someone else.

So she's not the person you think she is.

It's important to look forward and not back. We always put a rose-tinted filter on the past.

I take it you dont have kids? If not, get her out of your life asap!

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Blimey, harsh. You have my sympathies mate, seems odd to just sod off like that though, makes it tougher from your perspective.

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But in time it will help.

I would imagine its a lot harder to deal with longer term if you were the one who did the cheating and then walked out. Imagine how family and friends feel when they find out who was to blame.

But its a familiar story. Career woman - becomes distant - expects more from life - phone glued to her - etc etc

Its the same old tale.

I feel sorry for you mate (as I was in your shoes in 2005), but I will tell you a couple of definites:

1. You will get over it.

2. She is not one in a million. There are millions of nice women out there looking for a decent bloke - and most of them aren't cheats!

3. She will see that the grass isn't always greener.

4. You will have a clear conscience and be able to move forward.

5. She will always have it in the back of her mind that it was her who cheated and destroyed it.

Good luck

beerchug.gif

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No kids, just a cat [silver lining i guess].

Just can't stop thinking about her, and having to come back to our house every night with the memory's, it's killing me.

Just can't get my head round it all, it's all so sudden that it just feels like some weird nightmare.

I just hope she realises she has made a huge mistake and give's us a chance to work at it.

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[ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]

Blimey, harsh. You have my sympathies mate, seems odd to just sod off like that though, makes it tougher from your perspective.

[/ QUOTE ]

But in time it will help.

I would imagine its a lot harder to deal with longer term if you were the one who did the cheating and then walked out. Imagine how family and friends feel when they find out who was to blame.

But its a familiar story. Career woman - becomes distant - expects more from life - phone glued to her - etc etc

Its the same old tale.

I feel sorry for you mate (as I was in your shoes in 2005), but I will tell you a couple of definites:

1. You will get over it.

2. She is not one in a million. There are millions of nice women out there looking for a decent bloke - and most of them aren't cheats!

3. She will see that the grass isn't always greener.

4. You will have a clear conscience and be able to move forward.

5. She will always have it in the back of her mind that it was her who cheated and destroyed it.

Good luck

beerchug.gif

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Thanks for that Soulboy, i felt i had to post, as i knew other people on here had been through the same and could offer advice.

It's amazing how your friends and family get round to help, i feel like crap that i have not put the effort in with them over the last few years as i spent all my time with ex frown.gif

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[ QUOTE ]

No kids, just a cat [silver lining i guess].

Just can't stop thinking about her, and having to come back to our house every night with the memory's, it's killing me.

Just can't get my head round it all, it's all so sudden that it just feels like some weird nightmare.

I just hope she realises she has made a huge mistake and give's us a chance to work at it.

[/ QUOTE ]

I was left with just the cat after 21 years together in Feb 2005. The cat was 19 and we had had him all our time together and he was on his last legs. She walked out on him too and he died a couple of months later (RIP Clarence).

I thought she was the only lovely girl in the world and I wanted us back together.

I then met my new g/f 6 weeks later in March 2005!

We are now engaged and getting married next Sept.

We have a great laugh together and love life and she has built my trust back up.

I wouldn't go back to my 'old life' for anything now.

beerchug.gif

PS Sex with fresh women is a most pleasing of pastimes after a long term relationship. Never forget that! laugh.gif

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Chris, so sorry to hear that mate. That is crushing.

Try not to make any rash decisions just yet. She might realise while not with you that she has made a mistake. It does happen and I've seen quite a few mates do just that.

You've made a brave effort telling us all, but you'll find a lot of support here. Try stay focused, and as others have said, don't blame yourself for this.

Having said that, Soulboy makes a very valid point too. There are plenty of others and eventually you will get over her, if the outcome remains the same.

Not going to be an easy time for you fella, but we're all here when you need us. 169144-ok.gif

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At least you have a BMW coupe sat on your drive, I've got a Chelfing Lunge and a chip-fat powered 320k mile Cavalier this weekend ! (sort of)

(keep your chin up mate)

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grin.gif

Thanks Rich, and thanks for your PM's!

Glad i have this forum to keep me from going nuts - you are all top top people! 169144-ok.gif

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Adding my support for you, Chris - As others have already posted, it's gutting (felt almost literally!) and very harsh. You clearly loved her and you got dumped on. Time (and other ladies) will help you heal but it's not an easy path. Don't judge all women by this one.

Another difficulty to overcome is the blow to your self-confidence but again, time is a healer - Don't rush into anything. Visit good friends and don't be afraid to share.

Possibly difficult to imagine now but eventually: Don't worry about the people in your past, there's a reason why they didn't make your future.

169144-ok.gif

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Sorry to hear about this Chris. Just take each day as it comes, you will have plenty of decisions to make over the next few weeks, just make sure you give each one some thought and remember that you should put yourself first, but love is a very powerful thing that can ofter colour your views.

We are all here to help you if you need it if you need the help away from your friends and family. It might get worse before it gets better but it WILL get better, just ride the rough waves before things smooth out again.

Just turn to us for help not any bottles of the strong stuff. 169144-ok.gif

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Just one more point.

[ QUOTE ]

So she has left me. Saying she has given her all to the relationship and that it wasn't working.

[/ QUOTE ]

She may well try and make it out to be mainly your fault and blame you. It seems to be how people (women) deal with their guilt in these circumstamces.

Just be ready for it when it happens and dont start blaming yourself and feeling responsible. If there were issues she should have talked to you, not shunned you and turned to a bloke at work.

beerchug.gif

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Chris

You've managed to do an amazing thing: Open up your heart to others to gain their strength and advice and in doing so, you demonstrated that you also have HUGE strength and character.

If I were looking for a partner, those are two qualities that would be right up there - never mind that we think we are only attracted to looks and money.

In the long-term it is events in your life that define you, and you sound like a top find for no end of lovely, deserving, caring, beautifal women.

What WILL become evident is that you won't hurt for ever, you won't be alone for long and that you have become richer in life for being aware of the hurt in it - so that you will love even more in the future.

Best of positive thoughts and happy smiles, and as I so recently found on here, you're never without friends and an ear to listen to you.

I won't say good luck, I will say best in your life is still to come.

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Good luck mate. It's a tough time and there are lots of cliches to go with it. It's a fact that the fog will clear, the feelings for her will subside and you will find someone new when you are ready. Fate plays a hand in this and in the grand plan it's probably for the best and you will in time find someone better. I know it's hard to be positive when it's so raw but friends and family make it a whole lot easier. It happened to me and i'm now about four months down the line and you do need time to reflect and regroup and get your head back on the level. Like dukeboy says the best in your life is still to come.

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Thanks for all the supportive replies, means a lot!

She has agreed to pay half towards the mortgage, insurances and the cost of keeping JayKay our cat [over email] - so at least she i being fair.

Still can't stop my heart from aching though - wish i could hibernate for a few months and wake up and everything be ok.....

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It will get better mate. I had a simliar thing years ago - engaged but not married though- (but with mortgage etc) feels like your world has ended. Things do get better, it just takes time. I am now happily married with a young family - on reflection it was the best thing that happened to me. Chin up.

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[ QUOTE ]

It will get better mate. I had a simliar thing years ago - engaged but not married though- (but with mortgage etc) feels like your world has ended. Things do get better, it just takes time. I am now happily married with a young family - on reflection it was the best thing that happened to me. Chin up.

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Ditto.. very similar, back in my youth.

Hurts, but it was a Godsend in the end. 169144-ok.gif

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bells, I don't know you but I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time. As others have said, times ahead will be tough but eventually things will work out. Sometimes you feel like you will never smile again, but things do get better. It does sound like she is trying to blame you, but don't let that happen. A relationship takes two and if she wasn't happy then she should have spoken to you. Marriage is all about the rough with the smooth.

Maybe things might work out. As Sparky says, sometimes things blow up, people make rash decisions and eventually they realise what they want. But, make sure it is what you want too. At the moment you want it back as it used to be, but don't compromise and go back unless you feel respected and that you can trust her. Your life and love are too important to give to someone that doesn't appreciate it.

Look after yourself. 169144-ok.gif

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