Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
fresco1

The Frank Butcher School of Cleaning ... ?

9 posts in this topic

Probably a bit unfair to old Frank, but here goes anyway ... !

Was stuck in traffic today in Portsmouth, sat through a few changes of lights while opposite a used car lot. They seem to be one of those 'German Car' used lots ...

Anyway, their valet bloke parks a dark blue Passat (06 reg??) up the alley, and gives it the following detail, in the time it took to sit through the lights:

1. Park dirty car next to bucket of suds

2. Do not soak

3. Take large fluffy rag from bucket, and start washing in one action

4. Start with the front driver's alloy

5. Move to body panels - move rag from bottom to top of car in one sweep

6. Perform 360 of entire car in one go - remember to clean alloys when you get to them

7. Scrub windows again, scrub roof last

8. Toss bucket of soapy water on car

9. Approach with squeegee ....

... and then the lights changed and I was off! The whole time, it was like watching someone dragging their nails down a chalk-board ... butt cleanchingly, chewing my hand whilst watching awful.

Scary.

And here we are spending hours massaging waxes into our motors - this guy did a Passat in about 3 minutes flat!!

And presumably then popped it on the forecourt ....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

LOL - he's probably taken him years of experience to get to this stage!

Still, the vast majority of my neighbours only manage to wash their car's every 6 months or so. The old boy who lives opposite covers about 5000 miles a year and changes his car every 3 years. He periodically boasts that he nor anyone else has ever cleaned any of his cars in over 15 years. Funnily enough, they don't seem to look 'that' bad considering all.

I don't know what's worse to be honest, a bad swirly clean or never! Either of those options would prevent me from sleeping :grin:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ouch! Yeah i still see lots of dealers who have there cars wiped down with a "leather" and bucket of water!

I always have my sister not wash her car when she is at uni. Its suprising how it doesnt look that bad, apart from the wheels until you actutally clean it.

I saw and section on 5th gear where they polished 3 cars out and sent them to three different cleaners. The spinning automatic car wash was acutally less damaging the Kosovans!

Geoff

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That makes for a funny but scary read, fresco. A testament to chalk and cheese! I often see people in their streets "cleaning" their cars in a similar fashion and often wish I could muster up the courage to quiz them as to why they hate their paintwork so much and why they have absolutely no qualms about treating their cars so badly. I guess they're "lucky" not to have OCD's in the first place!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Reading and I have seen actions like this before makes me shudder. I could never imagine my car going into one of those places.

When you know kind of, like we all do on here, how things should be it makes you realise that knowledge really is power.

I really feel for the guy who's car it was. Saying that he's probably just glad its 'Clean'............sort of !!! :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I passed them twice today, but didn't see the Passat ... maybe the bloke was claying it with a brick around the back?!

Again, don't think this will surprise anyone here, but about 3 years ago my very good friend was washing his wife's Audi A6 - he was making a good effort, but I felt he could do better. So, being a decent friend and seeing the strain it was putting me under, he sent his wife around in the car to me, she left it on the drive and I had a great time giving the A6 a lovely, soft detail ... I must have been nuts! You have to be a true petrolhead / cleaning nut to have an attractive woman sent around by your best friend, and it's all you can do to keep your hands off her Audi ... !

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yesterday, I saw a builder washing his van with a long-handled broom and a buket os soapy water. Fair enough, it was only a work van, but the sight of the chap "brushing" the van down, did make me wince!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just got back home from a drive earlier. On my travels, I drove through Leith and there's a bodyshop place there where grotesque Pugeots and Fords are usually abortionised, Max Power-style. As I drove by, a customer's car was getting the same treatment of the long-handled broom with soapy water routine! That's twice in as many days!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0