Jump to content

Relationships are tough ... discuss


Andrew
 Share

Recommended Posts

Yes it was presumptuous, I wasn't having a dig (believe it or not) but from what you wrote, it comes across as if your never at home, and when you are, your still working anyway.

I can see it could be seen as that. We do work a lot, but what I didn't say was that the working at home tends to be into the later hours - so when the youngest is long asleep.

We're not at home as much as the average person (he says, it being a complete guess with no substantative proof other than seeing neighbours movements), that's true. Then again, when we are at home and, say, it's the summer months, we're not the types to send the youngest out on a morning and say we'll see her later. Our time is active and involved time when it comes.

My point was, that basically there is more to life than money, and if earning a little less means you get more quality time with your family, that can only be a good thing.

I didn't mention money. However, you also know that you can't dictate earning a little less in a controllable way - or at least not in our positions. As business owners we couldn't just decide to earn a little less without it having the potential for disaster - because as any business owners knows if you start being less available you'll tend to lose business in this day and age. So whilst it is a practical suggestion, it is very different in practice.

I have to say btw, that the persona you present on TSN, does make it look like your a label whore and a perhaps a bit materialistic, wether that's true or not, I can't know as I've never met you.

Because I own a few gadgets, drive a BMW and my wife likes expensive handbags. I think there is a misconception here, though I accept I would say that - just because someone talks about things they have or own doesn't mean they're bragging. To me, there is more of an issue for those that think they are with that. It's just someone talking about their life in the same way someone else talks about theirs. It's just the names may be different.

I like nice things like many people on here and probably the only difference is I don't quite see how I should not mention suchlike. It doesn't mean I think I'm any better as some would have you believe. Because again, it is judgement on not having met someone or listening to things said in PM's? Don't believe everything you hear, but I'm not going to go further into that because the morons don't merit the time.

So I mention my wife is changing her car. I bring it up at a later date in a thread with relevant content.

Now, swap the car type for a small hatchback and no-one says a word. But when it's more than that, all of a sudden the odd little idiot here and there thinks you're bragging. How does that work? They need to grow up a little and get on with their own lives.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 58
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Hmmmmm

I think the old adage "buy cheap you buy twice" is what MrMe meant, one of my personal favourites .... I'd much have fewer items that will last me than a load of old toot. Doesn't mean I don't pay more or less than the next person as to me, if I like the item and the price is one I'm happy to pay then I will buy regardless of label or shop.

As for relationships, it is literally each to their own ... only each of us can decide what we will or won't put up with. Only we can decide if it works for us, makes us feel happy contented and loved. I spent probably the last three years of my past unhappy, filling it with a very hectic social life, kids clubs, reading books, playing on the computer, buying cars etc etc .... we hardly spoke, never agreed on anything, argued constantly and in fact I spent a lot of money trying to buy happiness but it has now been described as living with "golden shackles" ... I was allowed out whenever I wanted (as he was), spent weekends abroad with the girls, nights out etc but it did all come at a price! I seriously did put up with some sh1t now I can look back, "knicker-check" is one of the more now-famous control games (it's no secret I spend a small fortune on underwear, it's one of my weaknesses and I could probably fill a suitcase at any given time with how many sets I have) but whenever I went out I had to show him what underwear set I was wearing. I still have no idea why, I never changed what I had on, I don't particularly have any favourite sets, nor is anyof more saucy than other sets, I didn't have a "on the pull" set etc etc but I will tell you if "anyone" dared ask now to see what I had on (unless he had a glint in his eye :D) I would tell them exactly where to go!! Why did I put up with it at the time?? feck knows!! When we did announce it was all over and we were definitely separating, I had to have a long long chat with the MiL telling me life wasn't all about sex, drugs and rocknroll but also about companionship and friendship, someone to grow old with and spend time with. That was just another final nail - we hadn't sat in the same room to watch tv for at least a year unless we had people round, if one of us was in the other went out, we didn't even eat together and at only mid-thirties I really really didn't see how the companionship side of things was going to work, surely you were meant to at least talk and like each other?

My parents, they have always worked together for as long as I can remember, so they spend 24/7 with each other quite literally. Very very rarely and only in exceptional circumstances do they spend a night apart, probably the most time during a day they do spend apart is when my mum goes to the supermarket. I never got this, I couldn't think of anything worse than being cooped up, trapped with a person for that amount of time, always wondered what on earth did they find to talk about, what they still both found so funny and how on earth was my dad still alive. My life at the time would fill with dread if someone didn't work late!!

Then .... I met someone .... someone I can talk to for hours about nothing, giggle uncontrollably at stuff that to everyone else isn't actually that funny or they don't get like we do, we could both sit and write a list of our top 20 "anythings" and the list is virtually identical, we like the same food and could just order two of everything whenever we go out, we've been to so many places just at different times, nearly like living identical lives but in parallel, we have so much in common it is literally unbelievable, some silly such as turning up with the music blaring out of the car of my all-time favourite dance track ever ever, knowing none of my friends have even heard it let alone know who it's by but low and behold he knows the tune, he knows the words, he knows the artist and he loves it nearly as much as I do. The list is endless and sometimes just a bit spooky where you would think we could be twins - in reality all our friends just think we are pukey, pass me a bucket in love! This person I can see myself growing old with, if the sex, drugs and rocknroll ended tomorrow we would still enjoy the time we have together just chattering away amusing ourselves, bouncing off each other with banter and idle chitchat and non-stop laughter til the end of time. Friendship, companionship - suddenly i get my parents relationship, and this man I could spend 24/7 with and not ever get bored. I don't think the if will come just yet tho' having far too much fun +++

p.s sorry, next time I will provide sick bags at the ready

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There's nothing wrong with a "work, work, work" ethic as long as there's an ed game / exit plan. The whole point of life is to get to a comfort zones that suits your life style and circumstances as quick as possible.

Once you have achieved that you get to decide your fate and how you wish to continue.

As for compromise, I hate that word and still have a slightly rebel teenage attitude that compromise is bad!

Fortunately my wife saw the absolute real me (and I the real her) for a few years pre us having a fling, we then were together for 8 years before marrying and have managed to notch up 28 years together.

Rather than compromise, I think it's more tolerating each others right to freedom, self expression and self governance in certain parts of both our lives. It's also about having an affinity, a like of how each other is and a knowledge that each has a respect for the other which transcends the minor quibbles, foibles and oddities that make us individuals.

Being GIB helps...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
 Share


×
×
  • Create New...