Paul Posted October 12, 2010 Report Share Posted October 12, 2010 My thoughts. No one should go through this. Involve the police. Best of luck. Be strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick Posted October 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2010 Thanks for all the replies ... since posting, a friends hubby who is a policeman has said that if the police get informed and based on a real brief account of what has gone on they will have to act and will go round to arrest, question and at best only caution him. It will also mean all other parties will need to give all their details, including the children and it will stay on record ...... looking at the bigger picture can I justify putting the kids through that, do I want them to have a little mark against their names on record and if it results in them losing access to see their dad, will they ever understand why? The abuse is against me, not them and they of course really look forward to seeing him. The ex would also probably lose his job through this, which would result in the company he owns folding. In turn, of course this will have a knock on effect all round. Would also give him a lot more time to stew on things, something else to blame me for and not leave him anything to occupy the time with. Of course, there are two sides to this ..... when isn't there! I have tried to be really fair, he wasn't screwed for every penny I could have taken him for, I left the business we ran together, signed over my shares, resigned as director and just walked away, same for the buy-to-lets, holiday house or his cars ... I sold my car, bought myself a much cheaper smaller one, left him with his TVR and Range Rover to play with, he also kept the house tho' he did remortgage so I had a deposit to buy my own house ..... in fact apart from the kids bedroom furniture, dining table and chairs and the dog I left everything behind ..... longterm ripping the ar5e out of everything would only be a short-term monetary gain for me but take away from the kids what will ultimately be their money, inheritance and financial stability for whatever the future holds. I did however, also take the kids ..... I am very aware that he has to listen to the kids saying what they have been upto all week with mummy and P, he has to live with the fact the kids have another man in their life, that gets to see them every evening after work and every morning before school, helps with homework, plays xbox games, two cars are on the drive when he picks up and collects so he knows the "boyfriend" at the house, we did all go away in the summer holidays abroad too. In turn, I know the girlfriend is someone we did work for, in fact she didn't know who I was when she asked him out when at the office, and I never queried he had to pop round to her house to talk about an up and coming project around then either ... but I digress. I'm sure some, most if not all of the anger stems from the fact mummy has a boyfriend, he is blatantly here and I'm sure it must hurt for all the above reasons .... it doesn't justify his behaviour, you would think after 15 months of the marriage breakdown it would be a little more controlled, especially as we have both moved on. Not many people have witnessed the other side of him, only one very close friend has seen him slip up although she has seen a big change in me ... some silly things like if I want to wear my knee-high boots over my jeans I can, I don't get 15 phone calls a day to see where I am, I am allowed to talk to dads in the playground without fear of cross-examination and accusations of what else I might be doing with them, in fact no-one has recently accused me of sleeping with girls either!! Amazing what goes on behind closed doors and I know a few people have been shocked with a few revelations .... and they don't even know the half of it!! As it stands, I do now have a dictaphone which will record any conversations from now on, he is fully aware cctv is now here and working as a picture still from the footage was text to his parents on Monday of him kicking the front door and did result after a few hours and I believe a call from his mum/dad a text saying "I do not want to lose my kids, please don't take the kids away". I will make it very clear everything is being recorded from now on, I will keep written records of anything that isn't and hopefully this may have jolted him enough to think a little more before he opens his mouth again. On a lighter note, the men at my local polski wash don't look big and strong enough to do much else but wash n wax, however the mamma that runs it .......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tipex Posted October 13, 2010 Report Share Posted October 13, 2010 Hopefully the threat of losing everything will jolt him into being a half decent human being, I still think your being to kind to him though, he doesn't deserve it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted October 13, 2010 Report Share Posted October 13, 2010 Ref the police bit it's not as clear cut as you imagine. If you go to a Police station and discuss the situation with them and tell them what you'd like to happen they'd be more than happy to 'have a quiet word' rather than go all out legal on his ass. Not saying this is the right approach by the way, it's certainly an option. I did this a few years ago to an ex who was harassing the hell out of me (albeit no violence as mentioned above). She got a phone call, some form through the post, and I never heard from her again. Not directly relevant I know, but there are options. On a more relevant note when my ex wife damaged my car, punched me, and threatened to beat the **** out of my then girlfriend the police couldn't have been more useless and pathetic, so go figure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruiser647 Posted October 13, 2010 Report Share Posted October 13, 2010 The Police are supposed to be looking at domestic violence in a different light now. A more serious light rather than an 'it's inside the home, what can we do' light. However, I think your friend has taken a good first step. A small push back against him and his ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calm Chris Posted October 13, 2010 Report Share Posted October 13, 2010 I did this a few years ago to an ex who was harassing the hell out of me (albeit no violence as mentioned above). She got a phone call, some form through the post, and I never heard from her again.On a more relevant note when my ex wife damaged my car, punched me, and threatened to beat the **** out of my then girlfriend the police couldn't have been more useless and pathetic, so go figure. Do you have a per-chant for Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted October 13, 2010 Report Share Posted October 13, 2010 Do you have a per-chant for[ATTACH=CONFIG]41429[/ATTACH] No, he's just a ****ing wimp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted October 13, 2010 Report Share Posted October 13, 2010 Bizarrely my ex wife is about 5ft nothing and skinny as. It's not really the point though is it? You could imagine if it were the way around though couldn't you? I mean seriously. I was quite amazed by the whole thing, but anyways don't want to drag AC's - er, I mean AC's friend's, thread off track Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theduisbergkid Posted October 13, 2010 Report Share Posted October 13, 2010 Wow, what a sorry story ! I suggest documenting and recording absolutely everything that has already happened, and everything going forwards in future. Then a firm phone call saying you'll take it to the Police if it happens again. Then if/when it happens again (and I suspect it will be when, not if), go straight to the Police. You cannot allow yourself to be bullied like this, you've already done the hardest part (divorce), give him a warning and then go to the Rozzers. Make sure you contact the Police every single time something is done, ensuring they'll respond quickly in future if (heaven forbid) they have to. Good luck, so sorry to read this, take care. Rich. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wizbit Posted October 21, 2010 Report Share Posted October 21, 2010 This is shocking to read. Your friend simply HAS to involve the police. How much longer can she carry on with this happening without doing anything? I understand that she doesn't want to do anything that will upset her kids, but that can't be used as an excuse forever. When her kids are grown up, do you think they will be pleased to hear that their mum was suffering abuse in order to protect them? They won't. This guy needs bringing back into the real world where you simply can't go around treating people like that. It is a big step to involve the police, but it simply has to be done. Record every meeting and conversation with him as this will be crucial as evidence. Good luck and I feel very sorry for the situation she is in, but she sounds like a very brave lady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m4ttm4son Posted October 22, 2010 Report Share Posted October 22, 2010 This is shocking to read. Your friend simply HAS to involve the police. How much longer can she carry on with this happening without doing anything? I understand that she doesn't want to do anything that will upset her kids, but that can't be used as an excuse forever.When her kids are grown up, do you think they will be pleased to hear that their mum was suffering abuse in order to protect them? They won't. This guy needs bringing back into the real world where you simply can't go around treating people like that. It is a big step to involve the police, but it simply has to be done. Record every meeting and conversation with him as this will be crucial as evidence. Good luck and I feel very sorry for the situation she is in, but she sounds like a very brave lady To see how much your friend has put up with already, children will understand why mum had to do what she did. The father won't have to be cut off forever, but he shouldn't be able to get away with this behaviour. At the end of the day, it is his actions that are providing him with his dissatisfactory outcome (not seeing the kids), not your friend's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BURTON Posted January 20, 2011 Report Share Posted January 20, 2011 Very sad to read this, but I am afraid I have heard this before. My Wife's Uncle is very similar to this, ex addict etc and you just don't know which way he is going to go. Can be very un-nerving when your around him. Thing is he doesn't think of anything of just going after people and the law he just doesn't care about and doesn't care about going into prison. He is just like that at the door step shouting off etc at the kids mum whilst they are being dropped off, only thing is he has to stay clean otherwise he will go back into prison for along time. Sad thing is he does have needs so that doesn't help and he has never been sad story but these people and this does happen. Problem in getting the Police involved is also the kids will have the social involved which can make things get a bit tricky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now