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collease

Split from my partner of 10years need advice

96 posts in this topic

As the title says i have split from my partner and am now at a loss as to what i should be doing and how to cope. It was very good natured in terms of break up as we both agreed it had gone as far as it could and that it was best for everyone to just stop before it got nasty.

My problem is i'm totally lost without this side of my life now and i am starting to get more and more depressed.

When i am around people family / friends i am giving off the impression i am fine but i am far from it. I don't have a close friend i can talk to and my family (mum, dad,brother) if i talk to them they will just panic as it is their nature to. I am not great about talking about my feelings as most blokes are not but i just need to do something to take my mind off it all and help me to see the good behind what has happened.

Can anyone give me some advice and ideas on what i can do, short of going to the doctors and getting given anti depresents which seem to be all the rage.

Thanks in advance for the help

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Very sorry to read this Collease. My advice in these matters is usually crap, but...

Don't feel pressured into doing anything by anyone. You might not feel like it, but enjoy playing the field for a while, meet some new people and try some new things. Do stuff you couldn't do before, stuff the ex didn't like. Be thankful for what you have, not what you've lost.

Good luck mate +++

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Sorry to hear your news chap and I am pretty new here so sure the others who know you will be along soon.

When I have been in the same situation in the past, I found it is best to keep as busy as possible. Take up a new hobby, join some sort of group to keep your mind busy and keep your spirits up. Learn to ride a motorbike/start powerkiting/buy a canoe and start rowing etc.

All will be right, it is just a matter of time. Good luck and keep your chin up ;-)

PS - Thats the serious part, the other part is "the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else" :-)

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Plenty of experience here! You are actually grieving the loss of your relationship, and its much the same as any other grieving process.

You will re-adjust at whatever pace it takes. You cant speed the process up, or slow it down, and everyone is different. And someday soon you will wake up and the sun is shining - good things are happening - and you will have a smile on your face.

And about the same time, you will realise part way through the day that you haven't even thought about your ex. Unlike now - where its probably the first thing you think of when you wake up and all consuming for the rest of the day.

Cut yourself some slack!

Allow yourself to feel upset. 10 years is a long time and you have every right to feel upset. I would strongly recommend not doing any drugs unless you really have to.

And tomorrow will be a little bit easier than today. Just like today was a little bit easier than yesterday.

One day soon the sun will be out...............life will be great...........new people and experiences........and you will be smiling again :grin:

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Very sorry to read this Collease. My advice in these matters is usually crap, but...

Don't feel pressured into doing anything by anyone. You might not feel like it, but enjoy playing the field for a while, meet some new people and try some new things. Do stuff you couldn't do before, stuff the ex didn't like. Be thankful for what you have, not what you've lost.

Good luck mate +++

Don't play the field too much, I done that after a break up after 9years. My daughters 2 years old next month now!!

I was the same as you however, depressed at dark nights in the house alone. But the trick is find a hobby, find a drinking partner and enjoy not answering to anybody for a while. It's amazing how quickly things turn around.

So, to conclude, been there, done it. Stick with it and give it time, you'll be back to yourself in no time.

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Thanks for the kind words guys+++

I have thought about taking up Archery again as i used to be an instructor but had to give it up due to family.

Could be a good way to meet people and to keep busy as well as earn a few extra £'s for the weekends. As for the sowing of the oats not my thing far to much of a (see avatar for answer):ffs:

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Go to a salsa class, full of hotties +++

:roflmao:

Not with my sense of rythem and timing. I have the ability to mame :eek: with my dancing. I make a headless chicken running aimlessly about look like John Travolta:ffs:.

(sorry for spelling it just to funny even to imagine):roflmao:

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Agreed re find a new hobby; give you something to focus on for a part of the week. Relax; do the things that you could not before and try and have some fun!

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As someone else said find a drinking buddy, not for getting bladdered or anything like that but get out to a pub/bar/club a couple of times a week, socialise, relax, try to take your mind off a little bit. You might find yourself opening up to whoever it is you go with and releasing some of the pent up tension. You never know you might see a cute barmaid, chat to someone there etc etc

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Instead of being down beat, try and look on the positive side. You've a lot of opportunities out there and you will be happier...otherwise you wouldn't have split.

In a few weeks/months you'll be updating this thread saying how you're life's changed for the better ;)

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I'll drop you a PM next time there's a curry/booze-up, there's about 10 of us who do it, a few familiar names from TsN. Usually in Leics, always a hoot +++

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Plenty of experience here! You are actually grieving the loss of your relationship, and its much the same as any other grieving process.

You will re-adjust at whatever pace it takes. You cant speed the process up, or slow it down, and everyone is different. And someday soon you will wake up and the sun is shining - good things are happening - and you will have a smile on your face.

And about the same time, you will realise part way through the day that you haven't even thought about your ex. Unlike now - where its probably the first thing you think of when you wake up and all consuming for the rest of the day.

Cut yourself some slack!

Allow yourself to feel upset. 10 years is a long time and you have every right to feel upset. I would strongly recommend not doing any drugs unless you really have to.

And tomorrow will be a little bit easier than today. Just like today was a little bit easier than yesterday.

One day soon the sun will be out...............life will be great...........new people and experiences........and you will be smiling again :grin:

That sounds like a lot of common sense.+++

I can't really contribute anything else to this, so I'll just wish you the very best Collease and hope everything turns out in such a way that you look back and smile.+++

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Jack Daniels and Hookers ;) But not necessarily in that order.

Problem solved, Pincher style ! +++

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It's many years since I had any experience of such matters. I do remember feeling very down for a month or two at least but things gradually got better. Lighter nights are gradually coming and this is a great time to find a new hobby or interest - perhaps your archery, cycling or similar.

A drink or two does help but the answer is not in the bottom of the bottle. Chin up fella.

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Dude, like said above sorry to hear of the doom but the doom does lift to become joy again - in the mean time have some beers, spend time with your mates/family and go check out as many boobies as you can +++

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Thanks everyone it really is great being a member of TSN. No matter what the topic or what has happend everyone on here makes the community that little bit more friendly than some others i frequent.

I guess all i need now is to get me a Pug 206 with some extra dials find myself so great part worn tyres and start learning to be an advaced driver. Then and only then i will be able to say i have come through this.

Lookined into the Archery and there is a course starting in a week so i will enrol in that and see what happens. If nothing else it will get me out of the house.+++

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Lookined into the Archery and there is a course starting in a week so i will enrol in that and see what happens. If nothing else it will get me out of the house.+++

A terrific starting point - we all collectively wish you the very best for your future. I'm sure everything will work out well for you so stay positive ! +++

Good luck too with the Advanced Driving !! :grin:

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I guess all i need now is to get me a Pug 206 with some extra dials find myself so great part worn tyres and start learning to be an advaced driver. Then and only then i will be able to say i have come through this.

Lookined into the Archery and there is a course starting in a week so i will enrol in that and see what happens. If nothing else it will get me out of the house.+++

Good to see you haven't lost your sense of humour !

Soulboys post was very nice, and like Mr Me I think that sums up the situation nicely.

Chill, try not to be down hearted and take each day as it comes. Book a singles holiday and give yourself something to look forward to !

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Hi Collease,

sorry to hear youve found yourself in this situation. Archery course sounds like a good idea (just watch out for the Fatima Whitbread types when they find out you are single), surround yourself with your good friends and don't let the others get you down. No matter what the circumstances surrounding the decision you both came to, it will be hard for both of you - you've invested a good part of your life shared with someone else and it will take time to adjust to your new life, whatever path you choose. The ol' cliche of time is a great healer is one to be believed and I hope it doesn't take too long to come through the other side. +++

ps - you know where we all are for advice on women, cocktails, cars, strip clubs and of course where to buy the best part-worn tyres ;)

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just watch out for the Fatima Whitbread types when they find out you are single

I've got visions of her now turning up to an archery course with her javelin and just throwing that at the target, and after each throw turning round to Collease and rubbing her thighs in a Vic & Bob stylee.

:roflmao:

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I was in a similar situation a few years ago (9 year split) and, first of all, its going to feel very odd - and of course it would if you've spent 1/3 of your life sharing every day with someone.

Some learnings:

- at first, it will feel bizarre. You do so many things without thinking that it will take you time to adjust to your new situation

- go and spend some real time with your friends, I bet you will have inadvertantly drifted from some or many due to the time demands of a long relationship

- Go and do a few fun things for the sake of it and enjoy not having to think about what anyone else might think

- Try not to think about it too much

- Discover yourself again (this is not code for masturbation, by the way)

- Be philosophical and recognise that you won't suddenly wake up and think everything is ok but that one day, without realising it, you'll realise that time has healed most of the things that trouble you now

- Take a minute to reflect on your relationship once a few months down the line - you'll most likely see it slightly differently, but constructively differently.

- Don't rush out and try and find an immediate 'substitute'

And most importantly, go and have a big heap of fun, whatever that may be. You will feel slightly reborn, I can guarantee you that.

Good luck

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I was in a similar situation a few years ago (9 year split) and, first of all, its going to feel very odd - and of course it would if you've spent 1/3 of your life sharing every day with someone.

Some learnings:

- at first, it will feel bizarre. You do so many things without thinking that it will take you time to adjust to your new situation

- go and spend some real time with your friends, I bet you will have inadvertantly drifted from some or many due to the time demands of a long relationship

- Go and do a few fun things for the sake of it and enjoy not having to think about what anyone else might think

- Try not to think about it too much

- Discover yourself again (this is not code for masturbation, by the way)

- Be philosophical and recognise that you won't suddenly wake up and think everything is ok but that one day, without realising it, you'll realise that time has healed most of the things that trouble you now

- Take a minute to reflect on your relationship once a few months down the line - you'll most likely see it slightly differently, but constructively differently.

- Don't rush out and try and find an immediate 'substitute'

And most importantly, go and have a big heap of fun, whatever that may be. You will feel slightly reborn, I can guarantee you that.

Good luck

See, more good advice by the sounds of it. The interesting thing here is that I vividly remember SoulBoy posting about his break up many, many years ago on here, and now both he and Mollox are posting to offer genuine first-hand advice that will probably be of worth.

I like threads like this. They're sad to read in many respects, but they're good to read in respect of how a bunch of sarcastic, t-watish, cynical, fecked up, warped minded and twisted bunch of individuals...show their real selves and come to the aid of a fellow member. It is the best side of the forum.

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Collease - you mentioned family earlier - do you have kids? If so, is that all amicable too?

I was also going to say - get back into Archery, but you've already started to check that out!!!

Make sure you enjoy the spring/summer - get out and about, maybe catch up with old friends???

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