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Split from my partner of 10years need advice


collease
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Update

I took part in my 1st Archery session on Friday night. It went well not many people in the group so should make friends fairly quickly as they all seem like a good bunch. The leader of the sesion (steve) knows his stuff and is very helpful. Hopefully they will get some more members when the weather warms up so it should be good. Managed to stop myself from offering advice to other members on how to immprove their technique as i don't want to step on Steve's toes and way of teaching after all i paid to take part in his group.

Well done Collease. Now thats one new thing ticked off.

Now its time to get stuck into loads of other new things you have never tried before. Think of it as taking test drives. Try as many newe groups and activities as you can...........assume you may not like them, but what the hell, you dont need to go again if you dont like them.

And you may also find somnething that you really like.

Same goes for when you are ready for on-line dating.........but beware! a lot of the women just want sex :grin:

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Excellent! How was your targetting?

If you are refering to my ability to shoot an arrow in the desiered direction and hit the target then it was above average for me. I was suprised how easy it was to pick up and get cracking. I thought it would have taken a few weeks to get my eye in.:cool:

If you where however refering to the female members there, I have some bad news there are 3 woman in the group 2 are married and and thier partners are in the group as well (keep clear of them) and the other is about 17 and thats way to young for me considering i look like Phil Mitchell. :D

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I think you are right MrMe. I know numerous relationships that have failed recently - and in all but one the female was seeing someone else.

I can blame 2 side issues:

1. Communications. Its so easy for people to flirt and have a fling with the internet / email / mobiles.

Stupid sites like Facebook, Friends Re-united etc dont help.

2. Womens magazines (Hello etc) They try and convince women that everyone else is in a relationship made in heaven - all fine and dandy and frilly where nothing bad ever happens. They look at their own life and it doesn't match up.

But the main one is that women tend to be more decisive on these things. If a bloke thinks life is ticking along ok, he will probably stick with it.

It seems women can be far more ruthless. If they think the grass is greener elsewhere, they will flick the switch and move on. For most couples I know, they have engineered a 'mutual split' and then someone else appears out of the woodwork later on.

This isnt helped by points 1 and 2!

I am not being sexist here, as at the end of the day its often the right decision all round. They just seem to be more ruthless about it than men if they are not completely happy.

....And I think that you are absolutely right, Soulboy.

I know so many guys whose wives have left them after many years of marriage and there hasn't been other people involved but merely that the woman just fancies what they think some other women are getting. In fact, there's the key to it - I friend of mine (in his 50's) who is very good at picking up beautiful women tells me that it's very effective when he goes out to a bar with an attractive female friend but not a girlfriend. Some types of women see that and think the guy must be cool and that she wants some of that too. Women can be very competitive but never ever admit it! They dress to outdo their perceived rivals as well as to make themselves feel good, as we all do.

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....And I think that you are absolutely right, Soulboy.

I know so many guys whose wives have left them after many years of marriage and there hasn't been other people involved but merely that the woman just fancies what they think some other women are getting. In fact, there's the key to it - I friend of mine (in his 50's) who is very good at picking up beautiful women tells me that it's very effective when he goes out to a bar with an attractive female friend but not a girlfriend. Some types of women see that and think the guy must be cool and that she wants some of that too. Women can be very competitive but never ever admit it! They dress to outdo their perceived rivals as well as to make themselves feel good, as we all do.

Women competitive??? Who would believe it?? The best club or Bar pick up is the old "Pull Push" simply get in between two women freinds, compliment the one you are after with some fab line like "Love your Earings" slight pause.........followed by "My Granny loves that type of costume jewellery".........then totally ignore said woman, and strike up a conversation with her freind..........you'll either end up with a stiletto in the back of your head or the woman of your "Trousers" dreams...........either way you will get to observe the "Ultra Competitive Nature" of women.......as for women dresssing provocatively to impress men, what an absolute load of b"ll"x, they just do it as Red says, to try and outdo or piss off there mates...........thank god I am also at the Phil Mitchell stage of life.............well maybe not.........even I wouldnt nob his current TV missus

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Women competitive??? Who would believe it?? The best club or Bar pick up is the old "Pull Push" simply get in between two women freinds, compliment the one you are after with some fab line like "Love your Earings" slight pause.........followed by "My Granny loves that type of costume jewellery".........then totally ignore said woman, and strike up a conversation with her freind..........you'll either end up with a stiletto in the back of your head or the woman of your "Trousers" dreams...........either way you will get to observe the "Ultra Competitive Nature" of women.......as for women dresssing provocatively to impress men, what an absolute load of b"ll"x, they just do it as Red says, to try and outdo or piss off there mates...........thank god I am also at the Phil Mitchell stage of life.............well maybe not.........even I wouldnt nob his current TV missus

I'm thinking you lot hang about with the wrong type of females ....... :rolleyes:

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If you are refering to my ability to shoot an arrow in the desiered direction and hit the target then it was above average for me. I was suprised how easy it was to pick up and get cracking. I thought it would have taken a few weeks to get my eye in.:cool:

If you where however refering to the female members there, I have some bad news there are 3 woman in the group 2 are married and and thier partners are in the group as well (keep clear of them) and the other is about 17 and thats way to young for me considering i look like Phil Mitchell. :D

I did mean with the quills, but after your reply, I did think about with the ladies too! +++:grin:

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I did mean with the quills, but after your reply, I did think about with the ladies too! +++:grin:

Learnt to answer the obvious here as well as the hidden just to clarify everything as i have seen the resulting banter on other threads +++

Second session was last night and from it i have achieved a night out this evening. I got talking to one of the couples there while we were setting up and it turned out they were having a Jamie Oliver party tonight. It is apparently a bit like a tuperwear party where a rep comes round shows you the stuff you can by and you all have a laugh and spend to much money. Host gets points on all the items that are bought and can redeam them against items from the collection. As i love cooking and although i live back at home with the parents and have very little storage room i thought it would be good to see what it was like. Also there is going to be 30 or so people there. Apparently a few single ladies which are friends of their's so who knows:grin:.

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Sounds like a swingers party mate, be careful. Check if they've got pampas grass growing in the front garden.

Seriously though that all sounds good - enjoy yourself. Mrs Saab went to a Jamie at Home party and came back with a very expensive chopper (no pun intended) - called something like a Chop-Chop - its not very good so if you do decide to part with your hard earned, then I'd suggest going for something else.

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Sounds like a swingers party mate, be careful. Check if they've got pampas grass growing in the front garden.

Seriously though that all sounds good - enjoy yourself. Mrs Saab went to a Jamie at Home party and came back with a very expensive chopper (no pun intended) - called something like a Chop-Chop -.

What was his name? :grin:

Thanks for the warning about the pampas grass i will keep a look out as it can give you a nasty cut i have heard :o.

I have loads of knives already but i think some of the chopping boards or the bowls if they are like the ones he uses in his shows could be good depending on price.

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Collease, my wife and i split after 14 years and it nearly finished me.

I withdrew myself from everyone, started to drink quite heavily and had some terrible dark moments.

On one of my rare moments of sobriety and socialising I met a lady who is, without doubt the nicest, kindest person and best friend I have had in years.

I sorted myself out (eventually) and am now 2 1/2 years in to a brilliant relationship where things are looking rosey.

The worst thing I did after the split was allow myself to become withdrawn from everyone that were trying to help me. I had huge rows with my parents, at one point asking my dad WTF he knew after 41 years of marriage, his wife had never left him!?!

Thankfully, I sorted myself out and am all he better for it, but if it ever happens again (hopefully it wont!) I would accept help rather than withdraw as this was my big mistake, you cant do it alone. Friends and family are invaluable.

Good luck, things will start to look good before you know it.

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Glad things have worked out for you now and I hope they continue to. I have made some good new friends and after the Jamie at home party now have a new one. There was you will be pleased to know no pampas grass or swinging of any kind just lots of cooking utensils and crockery. It was a good night and as I said I have a new movie buddy which is good as I hate watching films at the cinema on my own. Paul here we come.

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  • 1 month later...

Ok sorry for not responding earlier.

Things are going great now i have got back in contact with friends that i had not spoken to in years which is great as i know have people to hang out with rather than moping about feeling sorry for myslef. All my friends could see why i had stopped talking to them so i now (after the initial worry of will they want to talk to me can they forgive me) have more friends than i have had in the last nine years. Problem now is juggling who to see and when lol.

Relationship side is more tricky as not being a drinker i have not been to the pub or many places to meet new and interesting people. However I have met through a work colleague a couple of very nice people that i get on well with and even if nothing happens in the future would still be happy to have as friends so thats good. I have pretty much given up Archery as it has become less interesting due to the group taking part. Keeping busy is the key especially if you are living back home with your parents. The less time dwelling on the past and the more time spent focusing on the future and what good it can bring the better. It is not going to be the same for everyone but i can say that getting out there into the world again and getting on with things has made my life happier. The best bit though is that i have my best mate back in my life and all my other frinds keeping me laughing and having a good time. Looking forward to each event now with more enthusiasm and joy than i have for a very long time.

Thanks to everyone that has posted in this thread it all helps. Just knowing there are others out there that have gone through it makes a big difference. +++

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