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theduisbergkid

Questions about cleaning a black car, from a friend, not me.

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A friend, not me, has just bought a rather nice old Black Porsche which currently has fabulous paintwork. It lives mostly outside. My friend, not me, had a gritty yellow sponge which is older than his kids, some washing up liquid, a Chamois leather from Wilko's, and an attitude that cars are for driving, not detailing. This is my friend, you understand, not me. He, not me, now realises that his, not my, lovely old Porker will be knackered in weeks with his, not my, usual lack of care and wants to know about cleaning it properly...

My friend, not me, has been told he needs something called a 'wash mitt'. I suppose he ought to ditch the Fairy liquid and get some proper car shampoo, and the old leather might want releasing back into the wild too, by him of course, not me. My friend is quite happy to spend a few quid on some decent cleaning kit to get started, but catagorically will not spend more than an hour a week cleaning his new P&J, and would rather spend his money on petrol than fancy Koala-dung-derived dust-cap enamel, or some other costly gunk. My friend, not me, also worries that the lovely wax job on the black paint will need regular re-waxing, but has no idea where to start.

My friend, not me, would really appreciate it if those in the know could post up links to what stuff he should buy and where from. Please. +++

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Wouldn't be a 968 by any chance would it...? ;)

Don't you, sorry, doesn't your friend not have people to do that for you, sorry, him? :rolleyes:

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My friend, not me, has been told he needs something called a 'wash mitt'.

Yep. Or similar. Sometimes they come as a sponge-shaped thing that you hold, I prefer those personally. What is important is that it IS NOT a sponge and is something that is rinseable to get the muck off it.

I suppose he ought to ditch the Fairy liquid and get some proper car shampoo

Yep.

the old leather might want releasing back into the wild too, by him of course, not me.

Yep.

My friend is quite happy to spend a few quid on some decent cleaning kit to get started, but catagorically will not spend more than an hour a week cleaning his new P&J, and would rather spend his money on petrol than fancy Koala-dung-derived dust-cap enamel, or some other costly gunk. My friend, not me, also worries that the lovely wax job on the black paint will need regular re-waxing, but has no idea where to start.

OK, in that case then the golden rule is to maintain the wax finish. That means regular washing, with water that is not too hot, or too soapy, and with a proper car shampoo only. With the wax in place, the washing is easier and quicker.

You're going to have to save up some of the hours per week to provide a few hours in the spring and autumn to re-polish and wax the car, though.

what stuff he should buy and where from.

Most of the time I just use simple Autoglym products. The shampoo (Bodywork Shampoo Conditioner) is fairly nice, and the polish (Super Resin Polish) & wax (Extra Gloss Protection) are fine, although some people whinge about there being a white powder you need to rub off. (Oh noes... :eek: actually you probably won't mind that :coffee: ) The main advantage is that they're cheap and easy to pick up at Halfrauds.

If you want posh to go with you...r friend's status as a Porsche owner then nip to Vertar and get some Zymol. Sometimes Halfords have the cheaper bits in stock, too. The Clear Autobathe is a reasonably-priced shampoo and is very nice. The polish & wax stuff (HD-Cleanse and Glasure) is a bit pricier and a bit more like hard work but very rewarding. You will need to clay the surface before you even think about using HD-Cleanse though.

If you're feeling grateful, pop a tub of Zymol Royale Glaze in your basket and send it on to me +++

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I use a wash mitt and Dodo Juice ''Born to be mild'' shampoo to stop the wax from being stripped. Then it's just one waxing per year. Also do a Google safe-search on ''Two bucket method'' ;)

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doesn't your friend not have people to do that for you, sorry, him? ROLLEY%7E14.GIF

He is beginning to wonder if he shouldn't get a little man in, as my friend, not me, is a right lazy bastard.

Autoglym products. The shampoo (Bodywork Shampoo Conditioner) is fairly nice, and the polish (Super Resin Polish) & wax (Extra Gloss Protection) are fine, The main advantage is that they're cheap and easy to pick up at Halfrauds.

My friend, not me, says thanks.

Zymol Royale Glaze

I'm sure my friend, and me, have smoked that in Amsterdam. ;)

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I'm sure my friend, and me, have smoked that in Amsterdam. ;)

You drink it, you bloody idiot. No wonder you're bollocks are still green :eek:

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Also do a Google safe-search on ''Two bucket method'' ;)

Sweet Jesus, I've stumbled upon Detaling world, I'll bet none of them would pass a CRB check.

Oh, my friend, not me, says thanks for all your comments chaps +++

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F*ck all that bollox, "wash 1" at your local Arc car wash will see a man jet wash the car to get the stubborn bits off, before you go through the machine, then once every six months or so 'treat' the car to an "ultimate wax" wash for £8.

It's great because you don't have to stand around talking to people like in a Polski wash, and it's over in minutes.

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A bit like when you have sex with your wife... :P

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I find washing the P&J quite theraputic until I get to the arsing wheels which take as long as the rest of the car.

I've got a Meguiars wash mitt and some of that Gold Class wash fluid and use the afore mentioned two bucket method. Once a year I'll do a wax using some Swissvax and also wax the wheels - this takes AGES. And when I mean ages, I mean about 5 hours. It does make cleaning a bit easier. I used to lavish this love on the LCR before I got a new bird with a bigger top end ...

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wax the wheels ... 5 hours

Please tell my friend, not me, that this is a joke. 5 hours just on wheels ?

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Feck me, no, not only the wheels! I mean the whole car! :)

To wash and wax properly I think I go over each panel 5 or 6 times and it is a ball ache - thankfully done once a year.

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About two winters ago I did the full wash, wash again, paint clean, clay, polish, wax, wax again. Never again. Last year I just washed, paint clean, polished and waxed once as the big clean and that was a monumental effort. After an hour I'm bored.

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A mate of mine used to wash his car nearly every week. Totally anal. Inside and out, wheels, tyres, dashboard. You name it, he cleaned it. He then decided that having a family would be a nice idea. This resulted in his cars being totally fecked from that day forward. In fact he has never cleaned his vehicles himself for 7 years, 3 months and 8 days. On a recent trip to the Polski car cleaners for a £10 special, the owner refused to offer the £10 deal as the car was too bad!

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Buy your cars from Milo and there would be so much "finish" on it that you'd never need to wax again +++

Megs shampoo, two buckets, and the rinse bucket with a grit strainer at the bottom. Then go to Costco and pick up 36 yellow micro fibre clothes for £13 and two set packs of micro fibre sponges and mitts for £16.

If your an4l cut the makers tags off the micro fibre clothes, after all you wouldn't want to scratch the little darling.

Never use "new arrivals" hand wash, never use a car wash and absolutely never let some fecker with a dirty bucket of water pimping round a supermarket clean the car.

Then there's the world of finishing, top coat / wax. Four times a year treat her and go all Megs 1-4, although for some reason I have some Megs 7, I must have missed 5 and 6.

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On a recent trip to the Polski car cleaners for a £10 special, the owner refused to offer the £10 deal as the car was too bad!

We used to have a deal with a Polski type wash, he used to get nearly all our cars, fleet and owner drivers, so he was doing around 20 taxis every day.

Until one day he tried to charge me extra because my car was 'very dirty'.

Why the f*ck do you think i've come to the car wash? I asked him, I wouldn't have bothered if it was clean.

I didn't pay the extra, and given I usually covered what would have been the extra with a tip, he rather shot himself in the foot, lost all our business and then had to close.

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Actually now I think about it, I've never been back to that one either. Use one down the road that have been better. In my work unless the area to be cleaned is significantly bigger than they've said we always stick to the quoted price.

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Four times a year treat her and go all Megs 1-4, although for some reason I have some Megs 7, I must have missed 5 and 6.

Neither me, nor my imaginary friend, have a f*cking clue what you're on about here mate. :(

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Those were the days, nothing to do but clean cars, drink beer and have no financial concerns!

[ATTACH]48061[/ATTACH]

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Jesus, just remembered I even used to clean the zorsts! Er, sorry my mate did, not me, honest.

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I'm a big fan of Dodo juice "born to be mild" as it doesn't strip the wax or sealant, has great dilution rates so lasts for ages and it smells like a pub toilet vending machine sex lube.

I deleted everything else I wrote as you won't be bothered, so just buy some Bilt Hamber Autobalm and it will do everything you want and last for ages. But wear gloves as it smells like dirty horse blankets.

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Neither me, nor my imaginary friend, have a f*cking clue what you're on about here mate. :(

Cleaning system- Meguiars do a range of liquids. Clean car- then clean again with Megs 1 (enhanced paint prep), then apply Glaze Polish, then apply wax.. Etc

There is a big difference between a clean car and a shiny one.

Shiny car (after 1 hour hand clean yesterday)- no need to system clean it, because the Milo did that a few weeks back. I'll likely go 8 washes / 8 weeks before I start doing any product coverings.

Here's the car closer up, see all the lovely reflections? That the main difference between clean and shiny

48062d1363192971-questions-about-cleaning-black-car-friend-not-me-audi-12-3-13-010.jpg

post-5943-137914495118_thumb.jpg

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Just drop it outside Milos, he'll soon start cleaning it up again.

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I'm not cleaning those fooking wheels again!

I think the trick is, like everything else, to keep on top of it. You don't have to be anal about it but as long as you're sensible* and do more than just a cursory wash every couple of months, there's no reason why you should have to spend hours and hours on cleaning any car.

I have always made sure any car I have is maintained with a decent wax. It means washing them is so much easier and quicker. Every now and then, I'll spend half a day not only washing it but re-applying the wax and maybe something to seal it.

It's each to their own really. I could take it to car wash or a hand wash but then I don't like swirls all over my cars. There's nothing wrong with people who do but I look at is as something I've spent a lot of money on, and want to keep it looking nice.

* People think the 2-bucket method is OCD-like for example. It's common sense. It takes no extra effort (5 seconds each time?) to rinse a wash mitt in a bucket of water before dipping it back in your bubbles. Why on earth could you just keep grinding crap back into the paintwork? I recommend anyone who hasn't tried it to give it a go and empty out the residual water from each bucket at the end. The bubbles one will still look fresh, the rinse one will look manky.

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