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theduisbergkid

Your examples of car salesman's bullsh*t.

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I'm sure Mr Sleg has something so say about his recent experiences, and maybe you do, too. Here's a couple I've heard;

On viewing a nearly new Impreza WRX at a Vauxhall garage, the saleschimp told me "It's quick, but not as quick as a Zafira VXR, it would leave it for dead".

On test-driving a new Alfa 155 (yes, I am that old), the salesman claimed to be a member of the Bulgarian Olympic skiing squad (he must have been 20+ stone), he also said "quality is proven to be better than BMW's" about 30 seconds before the whole gearlever came off in my hand and left us in neutral.

Let's hear yours then +++

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Well, there was the Porsche salesman who offered me a test drive in a 911 and then, when I said yes, smugly said that "Thing is, though, if you drive one you'll want to buy one". Which almost made me vomit in his face there & then.

Trouble was, he was right...

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Having been into every local dealers showrooms recently I have lots of classics

Jaguar = "Simplicity is the sign of Sophistication" that was after a 20 minute spiel about the car being a living thing starting with the beating heart start, stop button. I kept calling it the on off switch!

BMW = "You want to buy brand new as we have no profit in second hand cars to pass on to you"

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But did you buy it P'?

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But did you buy it P'?

Yes. I got out after the test drive and thought "oops".

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I had a lovely salesman (well, boy) at Newcastle Audi look at me like I'd pissed on his shoes when I asked for discount. His response was to usher me towards the door with the words, "Sir, Audi don't discount cars. We don't have to".

I drove 15 miles to another dealership and ordered a new car the same day. I'm on my 3rd car from that dealer now and have spent thousands on servicing with them. I'll not set foot back in Newcastle Audi as long as there's a hole in my ass, pretentious arses.

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BMW looked shock when I asked what the real price would be affect quoting rom the book. "We don't have to" was also their line. Of course they soon realised they did have to.

Another was at Audi with my TT there was a salesman trying to sell one. As I walked past he told the punters :

"they even supply a kneeling pad in case you have a puncture and the surface is stoney"

I pointed out it was just a folded up bag that the punctured wheel should go in as it wouldn't fit in the wheel well and had to go in side the car.

He just said "I did wonder what it was" in front of the people he'd just been bull shitting to!

The one salesman that really wound me up was when I went to look at the Crossfire. He told me it had more power than anyone would ever need. They of course then brought out a higher powered model.

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We had a Nissan dealer tell us that Map updates come via roadside beacons, erm no they don't.

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The one salesman that really wound me up was when I went to look at the Crossfire. He told me it had more power than anyone would ever need. They of course then brought out a higher powered model.

Crossfire huh?

Should start a new thread about confessions of car nuts........

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Nah - nothing to confess. I had no intention of buying one. It was new out and wanted to look at it just to form my own opinions instead of just relying on journos.

They were right though.

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We had a Nissan dealer tell us that Map updates come via roadside beacons, erm no they don't.

April fools or you being serious?! :roflmao:

Mine, upon collecting a Sept 2005 Sportback in April 2008 and having negotiated a 2008 Nav disc to be included as part of the deal, being told you cannot remove the Nav disc to check because 'its coded'. Surprise surprise the disc was still a 2005

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The dealer I bought the BMW from telling me that there was absolutely no room for movement on the price. Then they discounted it online. Rang them back, again, no room for movement on the new price which was £1,000 less. Call the next day from them with an offer at £500 over what I said I'd pay. I bought it (but MrMe thought I should have held out for the £500 - he was most likely right). About £3k off in the end ...

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I sold cars for afew months (for a bit of fun). I like to think I was always knowledgable and truthful, but will admit to the odd wind up.

There was a fellow new starter at the Audi dealership I worked at. She made the mistake of asking me what Nappa Leather was. I told her Nappas were small cute and fluffy and it took about 3000 Nappas, just to finish an A8.

She never sold another car with Nappa Leather.

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Nappas were small cute and fluffy and it took about 3000 Nappas, just to finish an A8.

:roflmao::roflmao:

Wonderful +++

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Having a local BMW salesmuppet tell me that an M3 oil change service would cost me over $1000 Aus.

"Why would it cost more than an oil change service for my 911** which requires more oil?" I asked...

"umm, because it's a BMW and an M3!" was the response. :eek:

At least the local Porka dealer staff all get trained, and ask a colleague (or Porsche) if they don't know something.

** last oil change on the C4S cost me ~$250, with Mobil 1.

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Can't think of any particular funny things when looking at cars personally.

I did once get sacked from a Lada/Proton dealership for selling more cars than the salesman though, I was only supposed to be a valet/general dogsbody, and the old boy who'd been salesman there for ever was good mates with the owner.

We set up a stand at the local Motorshow and I was there to move the cars about and keep them shiny, and I sold 6 cars, 4 more than he did, and then while he was snoozing in his cabin (as he spent most days) back at the dealers, I sold a load more cars over a period of a month, smashing all previous sales records, thinking the boss would appreciate my efforts and see my potential.

But no, I got the sack instead. :rolleyes:

I had the last laugh though, I dated the salesman's rebelious daughter a few months later, and ruined her loudly in his house, and in his car, spunk on the seats and everything, he almost had a heart attack from shouting at me, I laughed, walked off and never saw her again!

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Brilliant story Tipex, and I am sure it is true. But it does have a whiff of Jay about it.

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It's absolutely true, the dealer was Jermyn and son, no longer in Eastbourne, the showroom was demolished and turned into flats, they still have the Seaford Ford dealership though, I very much doubt it's still owned by Mr Jermyn though, he was old back then, and i've not seen him swanning about in his Rover P4 for years.

Prior to when I worked there, they'd been a Reliant dealer too, so occasionally still got some old customers bringing Robins in for servicing and repairs, I got one very sideways on the slippery stoney concrete car park one wet day (accidentally and at about 5mph), and it very nearly went over, shat myself but no one saw and I got away with it!

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I'm trying and failing to come up with any particularly fine examples. Probably means I believed them... :P

I've heard some great stories from friends in the trade though. The best ones are usually punters who swear blind they've been made an offer at 'the other dealer up the road' and want it matched. And there's always the ones who think they're the king of haggling who are too proud to accept when a final offer is final and walk out with nothing.

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"of course its real leather" - salesman at VW when questioned about the 'leatherette' in the mk4 R32 :roflmao:

"I'll call you back" - any VAG sales person you can think of :headbang:

"Yes, the 2" wide, 1.5 metre long strip of clear tape for your front splitter does cost £150 +VAT " - Nissan High Performance Centres

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The MG ZS is an excellent car...

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"I'll call you back" - any VAG sales person you can think of :headbang:

:roflmao: oh yes, forgot that one.

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Jim you are a mean bastard! :roflmao:

Having a local BMW salesmuppet tell me that an M3 oil change service would cost me over $1000 Aus.

"Why would it cost more than an oil change service for my 911** which requires more oil?" I asked...

"umm, because it's a BMW and an M3!" was the response. :eek:

Crazy isn't it. I was quoted 1.6 hours at Audi for a straight oil change between services. No thanks.

I had the last laugh though, I dated the salesman's rebelious daughter a few months later, and ruined her loudly in his house, and in his car, spunk on the seats and everything, he almost had a heart attack from shouting at me, I laughed, walked off and never saw her again!

Don't get mad, get even!

Edited by Ian_C

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When we traded in the Mrs' Brera at Lexus for the 3 series cab we bought from them.

Lexus: "Mr X the dealer principal at Alfa have bid us £10k so that's the trade in price we'll give you"

3 attempts to get them to up it to £10,500 while they said they couldn't as the offer was only £10k. Said ok, deal's off and walked out. Sales monkey grabbed the sales manager and they came running out after us. Sales Manager was grovelling to get us back in the dealership and couldn't understand why I'd kicked off and left.

I then showed him the email on my phone I had from Mr X who I knew well stating that they had bid £10,500 for the car. After the sales manager's face went white I said, £10,500 for the Alfa then and another £250 off the price we agreed on the BMW plus a year's warranty or we leave now.

We bought the car, not seen the sales monkey there since ;)

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The best one i hear every day is. "yes sir diamondbrite is well worth the £399 for the interior and exterior protection it gives" knowing full well it costs us £25 for the pack that does two cars and it only costs us £10 to apply from our valeting team. Not much of a markup me thinks. Might make you want to argue the cost of it next time if you ever buy it. Same goes for some of the similar products supplied by dealers.

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