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Gutted, feel like I am going to crack


AZURES3
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AZ, I had tears in my eyes when I read your post - I can only echo what others have said, you are there for your family and I really hope and pray that your Dad makes a good recovery. He has some of the best care in the world as mentioned and he knows you all love him. Take one day at a time, don't be afraid to be upset and look after yourself and the rest of the family.

Huge huge best wishes for him soon to be on the road to recovery. 169144-ok.gif

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Az, times like this, help reveal ones inner strength. You have dealt with loads of crap already, and it sounds as though you are dealing with this a damn site better than many others 169144-ok.gif

Don't give a stuff about work, sick leave is there for people who genuinely need it (LIKE YOU!!) not for the skivers in the world. You will have nothing to fear from work. (Have you thought about taking either your boss or HR manager into confidence? - It might help them understand what is going on, and it may well mean they can offer you other things which may help too 169144-ok.gif)

I hope your dad makes a speedy recovery, and that you are back on form once more 169144-ok.gif

My thoughts are with you and your family! notworthy.gif

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Unfortunately my dad is also in hospital at present after suffering a heart attack last week and although he is responding well to treatment I do know somewhat of what you must be going though at the moment. frown.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Sorry to read this too, Daz. Hope he gets well soon.

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Az be positive, bad news is cyclic, so once the mist of anguish disappears hopefully you can look forward to many years of uninterrupted joy and happiness.

One of the biggest certainties in life is that life for all of us ends at sometime. That doesn't make any situation regarding serious illness better, but it is an unfortunate fact of life.

I lost Mum 2 years ago, having had a multi bypass operation, then a total leg amputation and finally death due to a surgeon failure to notice that they nicked her bowel when doing some exploratory works. So she survived the bypass, the leg amputation and septicemia got her.

Dad has just finished 10 rounds of chemotherapy, 10 rounds of radiotherapy due to having a second bout of cancer of the throat (his 1st was 10 years ago, and he carried on smoking).

Not only will he die, but he continues to smoke 10+ fags each day. So the last member of 11 children's grandparents will not see any of them married, due to his stupid, selfish attitude.

What's a man to do?

Crack up or support him in his hours of need and allow him to pass away without any bad feeling or hatred towards his selfish ways?

I have bitten my lip and for once have decided it really isn't worth the grief of isolation that telling dad some home truths would cause.

Life's a bitch, isn't it smashfreakB.gif.

Fortunately I have my own family and a brother and two sisters- between us we will get through this and as the eldest I have to set the example.

Take the responsibilities of life on the chin mate, in a few months (god willing) your life, as mine will be more settled and hopefully your still be taking the old boy out on a Sunday for a pint or three, or there's the curry house 169144-ok.gif.

I know for fact that I won't be taking my dad out, more likely taking to him via his final resting place frown.gif

Try keeping happy, don't blow hot and cold and use your strength will give others in the family support and maybe even some strength of their own 169144-ok.gif.

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[ QUOTE ]

Az be positive, bad news is cyclic, so once the mist of anguish disappears hopefully you can look forward to many years of uninterrupted joy and happiness.

One of the biggest certainties in life is that life for all of us ends at sometime. That doesn't make any situation regarding serious illness better, but it is an unfortunate fact of life.

I lost Mum 2 years ago, having had a multi bypass operation, then a total leg amputation and finally death due to a surgeon failure to notice that they nicked her bowel when doing some exploratory works. So she survived the bypass, the leg amputation and septicemia got her.

Dad has just finished 10 rounds of chemotherapy, 10 rounds of radiotherapy due to having a second bout of cancer of the throat (his 1st was 10 years ago, and he carried on smoking).

Not only will he die, but he continues to smoke 10+ fags each day. So the last member of 11 children's grandparents will not see any of them married, due to his stupid, selfish attitude.

What's a man to do?

Crack up or support him in his hours of need and allow him to pass away without any bad feeling or hatred towards his selfish ways?

I have bitten my lip and for once have decided it really isn't worth the grief of isolation that telling dad some home truths would cause.

Life's a bitch, isn't it smashfreakB.gif.

Fortunately I have my own family and a brother and two sisters- between us we will get through this and as the eldest I have to set the example.

Take the responsibilities of life on the chin mate, in a few months (god willing) your life, as mine will be more settled and hopefully your still be taking the old boy out on a Sunday for a pint or three, or there's the curry house 169144-ok.gif.

I know for fact that I won't be taking my dad out, more likely taking to him via his final resting place frown.gif

Try keeping happy, don't blow hot and cold and use your strength will give others in the family support and maybe even some strength of their own 169144-ok.gif.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks mate, sorry to hear about your situation too. Wise words mate 169144-ok.gif

AZ

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Really feel for you AZ & Daz. frown.gif

For the last year my Ex's Dad was in hospital with severe acute pancreatitis. He was in & out of intensive care like nobodies business & no-really knew what the outcome was going to be, so I can see where you're coming from. smirk.gif

It was literally a full year he was in there & his whole family saw him go from a strong healthy man, to a shadow of himself & now finally he's recovering slowly back to his original state.

You're doing exactly the right thing already, by ensuring that your Dad receives the best treatment available & as you have already done, don't be scared to push or speak out if you're unhappy about the level of care he is receiving.

Try to take each day one by one, supporting your family & allowing friends & family to support you.

Also, try not to dwell to much on the fact that your Dad is a little spaced out at the moment. In my experience it seems to take precious little in the way of drugs/surgical proceedures/etc to enduce delusion in patients, so don't think for one second that your Dad will remain in this state!

Ask questions to the specialists to ensure that your are confident as to what is happening with regard to his progress & condition & above all, look after yourself. Try to eat well & sleep well as in situations like this it's easy to let yourself slide but you need all the energy you can get & you'll feel much better for it. ZZZ.gif

I'm sure you know all of this already, but it's nice to hear it from other people.

Hope your Dad starts to make good progress soon & you know where we all are whenever you need to talk. 169144-ok.gif

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AZ as others have said, be strong and remember, life will turn the corner and happyness will return, Long term memory in these cases STAYS, it's shorter term mem loss that occures, so dads normal in this respect, he will revert if you like to by gone times as these are in deap memory.

I have watched both my Mum and Dad pass away and the pain is much less if you can have your "heart to heart" chat about your life and theres, hopefully you will as I did get this chance. Tell dad what you have not been able too all these years(you know what I mean)even if you think he's not hereing, it will get through, and you will gain much strength from these words trust me. Best wishs and strength, JOHN

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life is like this sometimes mate.

I had bad run about three years ago. Just seemed like the poo things were never going to end. I started to think 'is this what my life is going to be like from now on, one fu*king thing after another' but it does get better. Honest.

I hope your dad gets on the mend really soon. And dont worry about work it will still be there and no would blame you.

All the best

Dave

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Daz and AZ my thoughts are with you. 169144-ok.gif

It can be tough to have a loved one in hospital but it certainly makes you think about your priorities. Lets face it its normally us in bed not feeling well and our parents looking after us not the other way around.

My Dad was diagnosed with Cancer a few years ago and is all through it now thank goodness after some swift diagnosis. But when you see your Dad in bed with blood drains coming out of him it does take you back a bit.

But they body can and does repair itself quickly so there is always hope.

Hope things improve for both of you keep us posted and TSN is always here for you. 169144-ok.gif

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How's it going AZ? Well I hope.

My dad is having a triple heart bypass and new heart valve tomorrow. Praying that he will pull though OK. frown.gif

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Not great unfortunately, seems the top surgeon at the Atkinson Morley made a bit of a mistake in taking a biopsy from the tumour, his words " In hindsight I wish I had not taken the biopsy now ". I could of told him it was most likely cancerous tumour as we have been told all along that my dads kidney cancer has been the source for his tumours and those type bleed like hell but they went ahead whilst putting the 2nd set of drains in as they had to be sure. They took a small chunk out of it for the biopsy and it bled like hell. This has in filled my dad's spinal brain cavity and 3rd brain ventricle with blood causing him to be in a worse state than he was. He still has external brain drains in place but the fluid is like red wine. His mental state is worse he seems to be constantly slipping in and out of a coma. They have to wait for the fluid to be clear enough for them to put in the internal shunt then they can start to tackle the tumour.

I was at the hospital until midnight last night, as they feared the drains were blocked and they may have to do another operation frown.gif

The entire time this is not tackling the issue of the tumour, which as they say can be helping my dads brain. If they had not taken the biopsy then he would probably be having the relevant radiotherapy now smashfreakB.gif Although they have said tumours of this type from the kidney are very difficult to treat and my dads one is in a location where only 1% of all tumours are found very deep in the brain crazy.giffrown.gif

As you can imagine stress levels are high and I am holding my mum & sister together with the fantastic help of my girlfriend who has been great throughout my divorce and now this.

Thanks for all your kind words and support, it really does make a difference. 169144-ok.gif

DAZ - The heart bypass op seems like a very routine and well oiled process now, so fingers crossed for your dad.

beerchug.gif

AZ

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Hey, AZ. I guess there's not a lot that can be said that will make this time any easier but we're all rooting for you and your dad. Even if the course has hardly been smooth, he is still in the best hands. Good luck for the coming days 169144-ok.gif

Best wishes

James

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