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How fast ? Bastardfast !


theduisbergkid
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Your first car is always your fastest. In my case, a Vauxhall Chevette bought from a dead man, it was seriously fast. With the benefit of hindsight it was fast because my only point of reference was the pushbike that preceded it. Since that Chevette, I’ve owned a few cars, each slightly faster than the one that preceded it, culminating with something fat and German that has a limiter to stop you going faster than 1.55 leptons. The thing is, though, it only feels 10% faster than the car that preceded it. It doesn’t feel as fast as that Chevette did.

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That brings me to the Tiger Aviator. I collected the car from the factory in Wisbech and tried not to fluff my exit as the staff waved me a watchful goodbye. No power steering, unservo’d disc brakes and a robust clutch all making it a bit awkward for the first time. I crept off of the Industrial estate, out of the town, and onto the A47 where I stopped to put a helmet on. With no-one watching I slotted first in the whiny ‘box, pointed it straight, took a deep breath and stood on the gas. The Aviator accelerated like a hard-twatted golf ball. My internal organs felt ruptured. With my visor up the wind punched my face and my streaming eyes struggled to calculate our trajectory. And this is in first. Without lifting and with some epic multi-tasking I banged in second, snapped my visor down, and held the tiny steering wheel straight. Then fear, adrenaline and common sense all kicked in at once. I have no idea how fast I went because I was barely capable of focusing on the horizon. Let alone the speedo. Laughing like a loon I pulled over to catch my breath and give myself a stern talking to. There is no traction control, no ABS and no airbags. Nor is there a roof, doors or windscreen. Take your time and build up speed gently. Behave. The thing is, fast is fun. Fast is addictive. And so, utterly hooked, I drove the 1 hour journey home in lots of short bursts of colossal speed. Blasting from first to second and third from layby to layby like endless GP starts. Enjoying a phenomenal fix of fast.

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The rest of the story with more pics and whatnot online here. :)

Edited by theduisbergkid
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Bastardfast. The term used to indicate the speed of something. Bastardfast is greater than the speed of sound but less than the speed of light. 3.5 Bastardfast is equal to the speed of light.

For reference, **** off a shovel x5 equals Bastardfast.

Hot cakes x 10 equals Bastardfast.

Scolded Cat x 8 equals Bastardfast

Rat up a drain pipe x 6 equals Bastardfast.

After several tests howev, Bastardfast has been proven to be slower than Grease lightning.

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