F***ing birdcrap!

[NewNiceMrMe]

I left my car on the driveway last night.

It was late, it was cold, her car was behind it, so I thought oh sod it I can't be bothered to put it in the garage.

I looked out 5 minutes ago.

A bird, that must have been the size of a Condor, has dropped a huge sh*t dead centre in the middle of the hood.

It looks like a f***ing solitary splattered egg on a matt black surface.

B****ds.

Going to clean it. F***ing great start to the day.

[sayerbloke]

You seen the film 'Con Air' with Nic Cage?

If so, you`ll know what I`m referring to

[NewNiceMrMe]

Gone now.

Just used the hose and a warm damp sponge.

Must have just happened cos it was the really sticky soggy stuff and the bird must have eaten curry last night.

Anyway, I now have to load the car up (theres a challenge) and take as many boxes as possible to the tip....

...going to have to make about 4 runs by my estimation!

Its a good road to the tip though...nice and windy good straights thrown in too....yippee!

Blip blip, raaaaaaa, brake, blip, raaaaaaa, blip......

[sayerbloke]

The ability to make even a run to the tip a moment of joy and happiness; the sure sign of a good car

[NewNiceMrMe]

Well I've been and come back - and very unhappy.

1. It is p*ssing it down.

2. The roads were filthy

3. My car is now filthy

4. One of the bin bags was wet and has left a mark in my boot that I will now have to get rid of asap or it will become an obsession for the next year.

5. The queue at the tip was 40 minutes!!!!! Jesus, to drop your bloody rubbish off!!

6. The tip scroungers were passing comments such as "cor, nice car mate, is it fast?"

Notes on point 6:

a. I am not your mate

b. Where did you get that accent from?

c. Is it fast? Are you a f*****g moron? Same answer.

Incidentally, if you don't know what a tip scrounger is, they are even lower than Chavs. As you are unloading your car they attempt to intervene and filter through your rubbish to see if there is anything worthwhile. Of course, as I pulled up you could see them thinking Christmas had come all over again. Little did they know that one of the bags was full of used Cat Litter and that is the one I passed to them to open. Scrounging scum.

[sayerbloke]

You always end up with people mocking you, jealously, if you have a nice car [so I hear ]. Things like "Gee, what insurance group is that?" or "How many gallons per mile is that using?".

Fcukers

Also, good call on the cat litter, man!