Robin Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 Here's what I see gazing into my crystal ball May 2005:- all TVR production moved to an abandoned Tractor factory in Siberia, reliability improves by 300% Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snail Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 June 2005 - BMW improve the sales of the 1 series, by making the 3 series look uglier than the 1. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scooby_simon Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 [ QUOTE ] June 2005 - BMW improve the sales of the 1 series, by making the 3 series look uglier than the 1. [/ QUOTE ] Is that possible ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Webbo Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 VW to scrap their new "high" Golf after discovering the cost benefits of fitting height adjustable seats in their cars as an alternative to simply building cars for tall people that aren't tall enough to need a Touran/Sharan/Anyoldvan/T5/Surgery. Reports that the forthcoming wide-bodied "fat-boy" Golf has been also scrapped because it won't fit through a McDonald's drive-through are set to be denied by senior VW execs. Still on the menu however is the new, low-line, thin Golf for people who want a Golf badge but don't want the sheer size of the real thing. Indications that the car is simply a Polo with a Golf badge stuck on & 2 grand on the price are seen by non-VW fanatics as proof that some people will buy any old piece of crap as long as it says Golf on the back. Finally, the Golf 5 GTI will be voted tossers car of the year 2005. This news will be greeted by those who can see it coming a mile off as proof that they were right all along & that GTI actually means Great Twatting Idiot & has done since about 1988. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chav Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 As Audi are supposedly pulling out of the "BHP war", i reckon newer Audi's will go the way new Mercedes and BMW cars have, and old-school solid components will be replaced with corrugated cardboard and recycled cola bottles, to keep the weight down. So the new A4 600cc TDI will have 40bhp, but as the car will only weight 500Kg, it will go like poo of a shovel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chav Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 I also predict that Chris Bangle will be arrested by the European Court of Human Rights for making 1000's of people suffer the sight of the truly hideous 1-series. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chav Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 And the new M4 will include a hairdryer bracket on the dashboard to make its users feel more at home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UBM Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 I predict Audi will start meesing about with car names, such as the Q4 etc... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chav Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 I also reckon that before the end of the year, people who love the BMW 3-series, wont have to buy one, as they can simply stand at the side of the road and shout "Beamer".... and one will pull up for them instantly, as every other car is one anyway at what popularity point is a "premium-brand" "exclusive" car renamed to a "common, average-spec runabout" exactly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UBM Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 ...more snow around the last week of january and (another) 4h plus trip home (18 miles).... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UBM Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 ...thats one prediction come true already Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustaBloke Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 [ QUOTE ] ...more snow around the last week of january and (another) 4h plus trip home (18 miles).... [/ QUOTE ] yes and don't forget the slalom around abandoned 4*4... something I had to deal with in Hemel Hempstead last time. JaB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayerbloke Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 [ QUOTE ] Finally, the Golf 5 GTI will be voted tossers car of the year 2005. [/ QUOTE ] And upon hearing this, Mitsi Evo owners will take to the streets, burning all the GTis they can find in order to claim that crown back for themselves, perhaps? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malagus Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 Rover will die, leaving MG without any new models to launch, or to soup up. BMW will make a new car that is soo ugly the componants actually die from shame, but people wont mind, so long as the BMW badge stays on so everyone knows what a tosser they are. mercedes will continue to have poor build quality, and owners of the range rover sport will be told to lock the cars up during school hours as the small children become scared and must be treated for shock. Potential Imprezza owners will be issued with a book by Mitsubishi of useful phrases to ask the dealer such as "so, is this the 400BHP version" and "is there a version without the boxer engine". Boosting evo sales 500%. Chris bangle has his face bitten off by wild dogs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayerbloke Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 [ QUOTE ] Chris bangle has his face bitten off by wild dogs [/ QUOTE ] The new BMW designer styles the front of the next car based on the look of Bangle's face after the attack. BMW surprised, but pleased by reports stating the new look is an improvement. Poor old Chris B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackjack Posted January 5, 2005 Report Share Posted January 5, 2005 Following the success of the Cayene, Porsche acts on market research which suggests that Porsche owners might perhaps like a small hatch back. The Porche Jallipino (basiclly a Polo with a new front end) goes on sale in May at a price of £30,000 and proves a hit with the same suburban idiots with more money than sense that brought the Cayene. Saab meanwhile doesn't make an excelent medium sized hatch-back with fine cruising touring ability to replace the classic 900. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chav Posted January 5, 2005 Report Share Posted January 5, 2005 However, BMW maintain their high-volume of excrement output, by introducing the new X1 in June 2005. Starting at just £22,500 this ugly little poo of a 4x4 will feature the stunningly hideous 1-series looks, with completely useless off-road capabilities, and the robustness of a soap bubble. It will be a hit with mums who want to block up roads going to the nursery/creche in a morning, and the off-road features will be useful when bouncing over kerbs and pavements in multi-storey and supermarker carparks, as some owners seem to have a problem judging the width of their cars. Note: Free A-line pack to all X1's registered before 3000AD. The Annoyance-line pack will include permanently-on fog-lights front and rear, 95% dark-tint on all windows, auto-middle lane hog feature, and a paper bag to hide your identity when leaving the vehicle, and a free DVLA registration number commencing X1 for that truly distinguished and rare look... ....not! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blingpanzer Posted January 13, 2005 Report Share Posted January 13, 2005 Idiots will continue to buy the Land Rover Freelander. In a cynical marketing-led campaign it will be offered with an optional "School Run Pack", consisting of the deletion of the indicator stalk and all driving mirrors, and a bodykit which widens the wheelarches by at least 4" per side and lengthens the vehicle by over two feet. In addition, all extremities of the vehicle will automatically be hidden from the driver's view during parking manoeuvres by needlessly-complex electro-mechanically-deployed silk curtains. Top speed will be limited to 29mph with the occasional burst of overboost allowing 3 seconds at 43mph, but only when the vehicle is being driven in a 30mph limit. This pack will only be available with the least economical, most environmentally-damaging engine option (that'll be the 2.5 KV6 Spamtronic then...). MG Rover will finally pull their collective finger out and produce the RD/X60. Oh, my sides... Jaguar will produce a bonnet which does not resemble a length of '70s plastic shed roofing. Finally the "Baby On Board" sticker/dangly plastic roadsign thingy device will be replaced by the more fitting "My Nuts Work, Ner Ner Ner-Ner Ner". And will be bought by even more of the twats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinfield Posted January 13, 2005 Report Share Posted January 13, 2005 2005... Labour re-elected. damn. Fuel up in next budget. damn. All types of speed camera detection devices to be banned. damn. More bus lanes. damn. Car tax up. damn. Road repairs and new roads cut back. damn. More demonising of car drivers. damn. Schuey champ again. zzz. - need I go on ?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blingpanzer Posted January 13, 2005 Report Share Posted January 13, 2005 Labour re-elected? After last night's oops-no-bombsshell? Best chance yet that B-liar gets doled-off anyway... VW sells a Phaeton in the UK. And not to a VW dealer. The world's heaviest and most expensive minicab. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozmick Posted January 14, 2005 Report Share Posted January 14, 2005 bugatti actually releases the veyron. it crashes into the release thingy at 400 kays an hour because they forgot to actually put brakes in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nlpnt Posted January 17, 2005 Report Share Posted January 17, 2005 -BMW will introduce the new 3-series, minus the Touring in the US, so as not to steal sales from the X3. -Sales of Benz C-class, Volvo V40, and Audi A4 wagons in the US will increase because people dumping 35 grand on a compact wagon do not, not, not, not, NOT want an SUV, no matter whose name is on it. -Chevrolet will recall all of their new Opel-based Cobalts for being "not crappy enough", replace their shocks with leftover Geo Metro items, and install cookie sheets between the headliner and the roof to recreate that tinny, buzzy sound people have come to know and love in the Cavalier. -Honda will finally introduce a 5-door car in the US that's a *car*, not an SUV/minivan/packing-crate wannabe. Or they will if they have any remaining business sense. -Ford will cash in on the lifestyle-pickup-with-tremendously-tiny-box craze by putting a lift kit on a Crown Victoria and omitting the trunklid. -Someone will buy some all-new, must-have car, for $5000 above list. Six months later that model will be going for $5000 BELOW list. Somehow, the early buyers (who by this time will owe more than the car's worth, and will continue to do so for 4 and a half years) will avoid suicide. Most of them, anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chav Posted January 17, 2005 Report Share Posted January 17, 2005 All countries that drive on the right, decide that driving on the left makes the most sense after all, and they all swap over. This makes it far easier for us brits to go travelling abroad, and means we can import american muscle cars easier too, as no modifications required. it also means the transatlantic bridge being proposed, doesnt need a swapover between rhd and lhd half way. the driving on the left is phased in over a 12 month period in the USA, to give drivers time to adjust and to severely reduce the number of left-hand drive vehicles. bang. splat. ow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blingpanzer Posted January 17, 2005 Report Share Posted January 17, 2005 The number of Irish individuals prosecuted for excessive speed offences triples overnight as the Irish authorities change all speed limit signs from mph to km/h. Cynically they are also taking the opportunity to downgrade many existing 60mph routes to 80km/h (50mph) in the process. This is actually happening, as of today. This means that car manufacturers will have to swap their standard specification for Ireland from a mph-main, km/h-minor speedometer reading to a km/h main, mph-minor reading; unique in Europe. The main question has to be WHY? What's next, LHD? "Really Officer? Oi fort it said 80 moiles per hour back there, so I did..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pagan Posted January 20, 2005 Report Share Posted January 20, 2005 James Allen will be killed by Martin Brundle - strangled by his own mic wire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now