wtf Posted January 29, 2005 Report Share Posted January 29, 2005 My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in. A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you. Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumour. He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly. She said - Well, you've succeeded. He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'. She said 'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart'. He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I gave you?'. She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat b*stard'. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes. Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: Through his chest with a sharp knife. Q: Why do men want to marry virgins? A: They can't stand criticism. Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,caring,and good looking? A: Because those men already have boyfriends. Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NewNiceMrMe Posted January 29, 2005 Report Share Posted January 29, 2005 Very funny, it must be said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rustynuts Posted January 29, 2005 Report Share Posted January 29, 2005 wtf01, back with a vengeance, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtf Posted January 29, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 29, 2005 Does it appear as if I don't like men..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rustynuts Posted January 29, 2005 Report Share Posted January 29, 2005 Well, I do sense something along those lines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R32North Posted January 29, 2005 Report Share Posted January 29, 2005 A couple more for you WTF01 What do Toilets, Birthdays and Clitoris' have in common? - Men miss the all. Why are men like old lawn mowers? - They take ages to get going, emmit foul smells and pack up 1/2 way thru the job!! And just in case anyone gets any funny ideas about me, I have these in order to defend myself in case I tell a sexist joke about women - equality and all that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geo_nr1 Posted February 3, 2005 Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 Somehow I couldn't see you with an avatar of a hairy ar$ed bloke Bret!!!! Equality and all that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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