Future F1 For The Dogs? (Part one of two)

[SeanKHotay]

With the advent of new engine requirements in 2006, F1-type folks are scrambling to adjust.

Honda motor development lead Moto Inowdabal gave us a preview*.

“THESE NEW 8-CYLIND....oh, so sorry, so used to yelling over those archaic 10-cylinders motors....These new 8-cylinder engines are capable of 22,000 Hz at max RPM, beyond the average range of human hearing. See, this prototype, you no hear”, pointing at one of the new F1 engines on the test stand.

“But feel the heat & vibr...Hey!!! Someone play joke! It not running! Who place Post-its over the gauges? Is that Ferrari engineer still here...oops, so sorry....”

Moto-san continued, “Anyway, I burnt my hand on the first engine thinking it not running. The skin flied right away.”

So who will hear the wail of these new engines? What will happen to the familiar telly announcers’ refrain at all F1 starts, “Turn up your volume and listen to the glorious wail of the standing start!”? A rush of calls to the repairman for tellies on the blink? And to them and the ear doctor after Sato’s crashes, breaking speakers and ear drums as the volume’s set at ’11’?

F1-marketing types think they know, led by the Honda team.

“We noticed that day’s mascot, Lunch, a chow...What? Y’know, a doggie? Yes, Lunch was hiding in the corner, trying to get away from the engine we couldn’t hear.”

Over Lunch, they hit upon an idea. “Dogs! Dogs can hear! We get dogs into F1 right from the start! ‘Dogs, start your howling! Sit...Stay...Stay...NO LIGHT!’ and have them chase the pack down the front straight.

“Whoever catches the pace car gets to sit in Bernie’s lap during the trophy presentation!”

Reached for comment, comic dog celebrity Droopy Dogwas non-plussed. “Oh, dwear, I like wacing cars but I don’t think I can catch dat Mewcedwes even if Mawk Webber was dwiving.”

“Pitbull”, Paul Stoddart’s hairless Chihuahua, yelped, “New engine regulations?!”, pee’ed on my shoe, and ran away yapping, “MAX! MAX! MAX! MAX! MAX! MAX!”

Rin Tin Tin could not be reached for comment because he was dead.

(attached pic of crowd @ Red Bull's Silverstone test session, Fliday)

* Phonetic translation by Sony/Ericsson