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Is it better to have loved and lost or not...?


Would you stay overnight?  

  1. 1. Would you stay overnight?

    • Yes, I'm up for a party
    • No way, I'd wake up without eyebrows

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Simple question that everyone seems to know the answer (they think) to and this is in addition to my previous post in the "think i was a little stupid... " thread and kind of follows from everything Neo is saying in his other thread.

For a few years i was seeing an amazing girl who did have everything and was the girl every bloke would want (not just physically but she was an amazing person too)... well i made the worst mistake ever and thought i liked another girl. I didnt do the bad thing though and talked to my girlfriend and decided to leave things for a while. I fooled myself into thinking i was happy and got crried away in the thrill of a new relationship that to be honest was absolute dung.gif.

Well we are still good friends even though she has been with one of my good uni friends ever since we split up and they do make a great couple but there is always the thought in the back of my head comparing every girl to her.

To make matters worse on a night out about 6 months ago she ran up to me mistaking me for her bloke and was walking with arms around each other for a minute or so before i said "think you got the wrong one". She looked shocked and embarrased and ran over to her bloke.

Why did that hurt so much and why does it still bother me?

Anyway thats a sideline and not really after an answer as i know i fecked up big style but just wondering what everyones take is on the loved and lost thing and if it is something you feel you have experienced??

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Some advice... if you still LOVE heart.gif her tell her NOW!

Again be wise and evaluate the whole situation at hand.....

Ive not really had much relationships, a few dates etc.

My ex dumped me via text about 3.5 years ago and we saw each other for about the same..... i did everything for her and to keep her happy.. didnt bother me at the time.

To cut a long story short ive broken it down as follows...

Year 1 = Good sex

Year 2 = Even btter sex

Year 3 = Average then get a text saying she needs space and time and that she has family issues and for me to trust her and respect her wishes...

1 month after text = nothing, no reply..... this is when i realised i had been dumped via text with no reason at all.

Took me about a year to get over it

Year 4 = Get text from her saying she still loves me blah blah blah and that she`ll explain... etf

confused.gif I demand answers, she only replied via text and wouldnt answer her phone... she told me not to contact her or otherwise and she will contact me.... wtf confused.gif i thought.... what a loser. I realised that the relationship obviously wasnt solid and that it wasnt fair either...

Year 5 = Get a call explaining that her dad died etc etc.... confused.gif

Anyway that sums it up..... im glad i got out of it but didnt realise at that moment in time that it was indeed a unfair relationship.

Im so happy i didnt settle down with the grouch! She also said she wants me back blah blah blah and that she had a relationship after me but it was bad..... awwwww my heart bleeds for her....

Ok i did really feel sorry for her loss but that didnt really matter now as ive moved on...

You must move onwards towards the future.... life does go on..

Riz pengy.gif

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Where do I start!!??

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, you did what you felt was right at the time.

I'm guessing your still young so although its going to hurt, as the saying goes, time is a great healer.

What makes it difficult is that you see her still and its difficult to get around this, but another girl will be along soon.

Enjoy yourself while you're young mate. Trust me, time goes too fast. 169144-ok.gif

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Question Two rather presupposes that it was the readers fault the relationship broke up. It's quite possible to be in love and have the relationship fail for reasons beyond your control.

And question Three is a tricky one. Getting over these things can often depend on circumstance as much as time. For example, if you met someone totally smashing after three years you might lose the regrets that you'd otherwise still have been carrying.

As to your big mistake, two thoughts, both possiby not applicable, but might be so...

The first is, there is nothing so desirable as that we can't have. And memory is a strange thing, tends to focus on the good when looking back on something you've lost... If she was as good as you recall, I don't think you'd have let her go at the time.

Second is, if in fact she is "the one", the woman of your dreams, tell her! Doen't have to be a big scene. Take her to one side, tell her you know she's in a relationship and the last thing you want to do is cause upset, but there is something you need to tell her, once and once only. Then tell her how you feel and kiss her (not snog her!) Then tell her you just needed her to know and she knows where you are if you need to talk some more. What have you got to lose?

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ah - ari.

very impressed with comments. Seems you have a softer side too!! wink.gif

As for an insightful view on the questions so far its looking like the pattern i was expecting although a bit worried about the love virgin!! I guess its the last question that seems to be causing the split.

As for knowing if its the one - I guess you can only say that once and for all when everything is done in life. I have thought about your second point many times ari - just i know deep down it would make me feel a bit better about the whole thing but would destroy any friendships. As many say - better to have a friend than lose totally and i am happy knowing i can call her anytime about anything and all with the blessing of my friend.

I guess this post was not about advice but just a follow on to my and neo's threads elsewhere to highlight that we all have times of heartache and pain in our lives but life goes on and should be enjoyed.

My firm belief is that things will happen no matter what the situation as long as you live life and get out there and enjoy. For example i have never had a decent relationship come from something that i have gone chasing after - its always the ones that are coincidence that are meaningful and worthwhile!

Personally think life will come to you if you give it a chance smile.gif

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I was in a relationship for 2 years and was a naughty boy and slept with numerous girls behind by GFs back. I was at the age where I wanted to experiment with other women whilst still having the security of the mrs at home.

Basically, she found out about all the other women and had had enough of how I treated her and left me then she found a new bloke and I havent heard from her in a little over a year.

She was on MSN so I added her as a friend however I was under an adopted nickname. I invited her to add me as a contact and she accepted until she realised it was me, her ex, then she promptly removed me as a contact again.

She has changed her mobile number and is still with her previous BF so im steering well clear unless one day she might contact me.

Other than that, I think about her every other day and ive been trying to move on since we broke up 2 years ago (we were still talking albeit not in a good way for a year after the break up).

I only have myself to blame for losing her and im hoping I find mrs right one day and hope to be settled by the time im 30 as most people do. I certainly dont plan on being single forever.

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