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Lamest joke ever......!


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The world's foremost authority on wasps is walking down the street when he sees a record in the window of a charity shop 'Wasp noises from around the world'. Intrigued, he goes into the shop and asks if he can listen to it.

"Certainly," says the shop assistant and pops it onto his turntable. After listening to the first track for a while, the world's foremost authority on wasps is a bit confused.

"I don't recognise any of these noises, and I'm the world's foremost authority on wasps! Can you play the next track please?"

The assistant obliges and skips the needle onto the next track. After a while, the world's foremost authority on wasps is still confused.

"No, I still don't recognise any of these wasps. Can you try the next track?"

The assistant skips the needle on, and the world's foremost authority on wasps listens for a little while longer before shaking his head.

"It's no good. I just don't recognise any of these wasps"







The assistant peers at the label of the record and says "Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I had it on the bee side"

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Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, were reunited at a

party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the loo. Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said: "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said: "That's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's great! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday - a 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends were congratulating each other just as the fourth returned from the loo and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"

One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame, what a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

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As Camilla was making last-minute preparations to walk down the aisle, she

found that her shoes were missing. She was forced to borrow her sister's,

which were a bit on the small side.

When the day's festivities were finally over, Charles and Camilla retired to

their room, right next door to the Queen's and Prince Phillip's.

As soon as Charles and Camilla were inside their room, Camilla flopped on

the bed and said, "Darling, please get these shoes off, my feet are killing


The ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked the right shoe with vigour,but it

was stuck fast.

"Harder!" Camilla yelled. "Harder!"

"I'm trying, darling!" The Prince yelled back. "It's just so bloody tight!"

"Come on! Give it all you've got!"

There was a big groan from the Prince, and then Camilla exclaimed,

"There! That's it! Oh that feels good! Oh that feels SOOO good!"

In the bedroom next door, the Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said,

'See? I told you, with a face like that she was still a virgin."

Back in the bridal suite, Charles was trying to pry off the left shoe.

"Oh, my God, darling! This one's even tighter!" exclaimed the heir to the


At which Prince Phillip turned to the Queen and said, "That's my boy.

Once a Navy man, always a Navy man

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Mummy Balloon

Daddy balloon

Baby balloon

All went off to bed.

Daddy balloon tells baby not to get into their bed or there will be trouble.

Baby balloon says ok.

3.30am baby balloon wakes up and desperately wants to get in bed with mum and dad.

He goes in to the bedroom and tries to get in the middle of his parents, there is no room for him, so he thinks fast.

"I know, I will let a little bit of air out my dad".

So he does, but there is still not enough room.

"I know I will let some air out of mum".

So he does, but still not enough room.

"There's only one thing left, I'll let some air out of myself".

BINGO, it's a perfect fit.

They all sleep through unitil 8am the following morning.

Dad wakes up first and does his nut.

He goes apeshit when he sees the little fella in his bed.

He wakes him up, takes him in to the next room and tells him how upset he is.


How do you think I feel now?

You've let me down.

You've let your mum down.

Worst of all, you've let yourself down.......

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