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Men Vs Woman


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These are old but great:


Our Cash

Which art on plastic

Hallowed be thy name

Thy Cartier watch

Thy Prada bag

In Harrods

As it is in Selfridges

Give us each day our Platinum Visa

And forgive us our overdraft

As we forgive those who stop our MasterCard

And lead us not into Next

And deliver us from Benneton

For thine is the Cartier, the Dior and the Armani

For Chanel No.5

and Eternity


and now...


Our beer

Which art in bottles

Hallowed be thy sport

Thy will be drunk

I will be drunk

At home as it is in the pub

Give us each day our daily beverage

And forgive us our spillage

As we forgive those who spillest against us

And lead us not into poofwine tasting

And deliver us from Tequila

For mine is the bitter

The chicks and the footy

Forever and ever


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and some jokes...

Why do men fart more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to

build up the required pressure.


If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is

yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes

a woman's sex drive by 90%.

It's called a Wedding Cake.


Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.



In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.


The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists...Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun! . "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair...Kill Her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls...

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

"This gun was loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

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