Sgt. Major

[Pincher]

An old but still ruggedly handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am.

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!? I mean, no sex since 1955!?"

Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

[Mollox]

We've had enough Sargeants on this site, thankyou!

[Dusty]

Made me think of this one.....................

A Shaggy Dog Story

A Colonel stationed on the continent was returning to the UK to compete in a shooting competition for Gun and Dog. His own dog could not be used because of quarantine regulations but a friend told him of an ex-Army dog Handler who trained dogs for just such competitions.

On arriving at the Dog School, the Col was dismayed to find that there was only one inexperienced hound called Private Fido available who would cost ten pounds a week. Having no other option he hired the dog and entered the competition. On his return to the dog school, he told the owner that he had not done too well in the competition but that the dog showed great promise.

The following year, because he had sold his dog, he again returned to the Dog School to hire a dog only to find that Fido, now a Lance Corporal, was the only dog available and his price was £30 a week. Putting on a brave face, he hired Fido and although he did not merit an award, he was pleased with Fido’s performance.

The following year the owner of the school recommended Corporal Fido who was now gaining a lot of experience. The cost was however a staggering £75 per week but the Col was delighted when he and Fido came third.

The next year he specifically asked if he could hire Cpl Fido but the owner said “you mean Sergeant Fido ?” and insisted that the fee of £150 a week was a bargain. The Col and Fido were narrowly beaten into second place and the Col was really pleased with his highest ever placing.

The following year he was astounded to find that Fido had been promoted yet again, and was now a Staff Sergeant with an unbelievable price tag of £1000 per week. However he was really over the moon when he and SSgt Fido romped away with the competition to Finish easy winners.

The next year on his arrival at the Dog School he was amazed to find that Fido had been promoted to Warrant Officer, and said to the owner “I suppose you want a small fortune to hire him ?”

“just £2 a week” came the reply

“£2” said the Colonel in amazement

“Yes” said the owner “Since I promoted him to Warrant Officer, all he does is sit on his arse and bark!!”