Mrs Jones, do you know me?

[Big_Al]

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't

prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first

witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since

you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.

You lie; you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about

them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the

brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit

paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the

room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again

replied, "Why, yes, I do I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster,

too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a

normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in

the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three

different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet

voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send

you to the electric chair."

[harj]