Calm Chris Posted November 22, 2006 Report Share Posted November 22, 2006 In memory of a great man: Ronnie RIP This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger (though god knows how many takes). The irony is that they received not one complaint. The speed of delivery must have been too much for the whining herds. Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not wetting your pants] as you read ... This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters. Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers;they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies.The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go. Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity. At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper. The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk. Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly. Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kite Posted November 22, 2006 Report Share Posted November 22, 2006 I got as far as the first paragraph before breaking down in fits of laughter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ari Posted November 22, 2006 Report Share Posted November 22, 2006 Funny, but can't help thinking it's a bit too cude for RB. Another urban myth perhaps...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dukeboy749r Posted November 22, 2006 Report Share Posted November 22, 2006 [ QUOTE ] Funny, but can't help thinking it's a bit too cude for RB. Another urban myth perhaps...? [/ QUOTE ] Am inclined to agree, along with the Seaman Staines and Master Bates mallarck we all somehow 'remebered' but never actually happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ari Posted November 22, 2006 Report Share Posted November 22, 2006 Not to mention roger the cabinboy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R32Ash Posted November 22, 2006 Report Share Posted November 22, 2006 [ QUOTE ] Not to mention roger the cabinboy! [/ QUOTE ] Do you have a cabinboy on your boat, Ari? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ari Posted November 22, 2006 Report Share Posted November 22, 2006 We did have, but he split. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R32Ash Posted November 22, 2006 Report Share Posted November 22, 2006 [ QUOTE ] We did have, but he split. [/ QUOTE ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeilB Posted November 22, 2006 Report Share Posted November 22, 2006 Ronnie never peformed this, it was actually a man called Archie Campbell who penned it. To crude for him, and when he was crude it was left to you to make the connection. Like the last item on the list of the 'Fork Handles' sketch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dukeboy749r Posted November 22, 2006 Report Share Posted November 22, 2006 [ QUOTE ] Ronnie never peformed this, it was actually a man called Archie Campbell who penned it. To crude for him, and when he was crude it was left to you to make the connection. Like the last item on the list of the 'Fork Handles' sketch. [/ QUOTE ] Arrgghh, what was that last item, been trying to rack my brain... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeilB Posted November 22, 2006 Report Share Posted November 22, 2006 Billhooks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dukeboy749r Posted November 22, 2006 Report Share Posted November 22, 2006 Ahh yes. Classic. Ta muchly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calm Chris Posted November 22, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2006 Still, warms the heart- I enjoyed the chuckle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rs32 Posted November 22, 2006 Report Share Posted November 22, 2006 it is still a good tribute as there's been nobody better than RB at this sort of acting/sketch a master of wordplay - to the extent where poeple copy the idea - Barker was just superb at the milder language but with filthier connotations And of course, timing that will struggle to be bettered Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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