Jokes (WW)

[steffiraf]

A selection of the jokes i have received recently via sms

What happens to a woman after a year of marriage?

She develops DYSON disease. She makes a continuous whineing noise and doesn't suck anymore!

2 irish couple decided to swap partners...After 2 hours, Paddy says, thats the best shag i've had in years, wonder what the girls are up to?

Dawn French has just been arrested for possession of hard drugs. She went through customs with no knickers on and fell over, exposing 40lbs of crack

Police in Liverpool have arrested 3 out of 4 well known scouse islamic terrorists: Bin Muggin, Bin Dealin and Bin Thievin..they are still looking for Bin Workin

An octopus walks into a bar and says 'i can play ANY musical instrument you like' Englishman gives him a guitar which he plays better than Hendrix. Irish man gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton. Scotsman gives him a set of bagpipes. The octopus fumbles about for a few minutes and the scotsman says 'whats wrong, can ye no play it?'. 'Play it?' says the octopus, 'I'm gonna f**k her brains out once i get her pyjamas off!'

Why do cows look so depressed when being milked?

Well if someone woke you up at 5am, rubbed yr tits for 2 hours and didnt shag you, you be pissed off too!

What does a clitoris, a birthday, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?

Men miss the feckin lot!

Harley Davidson died and went to heaven and was boasting to God how he'd created the best motorbike in the world. God disagreed saying BMW's were a better designed bike. Harley said 'what do you know about design, you created women and look at the problems we have with them!' 'Ahem' says God, 'i think you'll find that more men are riding my creation than yours!'

Just been arrested. Was in the car and dying for a pee so did it in a coke can. Got stopped by police and asked what was in the can. Am being done for possession of canopiss

I thought they were funny anyway