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Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my

husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically

telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes

up with a suggestion.

If you want your breasts to grow, then every day

take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in

front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?" I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between


breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your arse, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk


although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Stupid, stupid man.

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