xaddiction Posted June 6, 2008 Report Share Posted June 6, 2008 > REST OF THE WORLD VERSION: > > The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all > summer long, building and improving his house and > laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper > thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays > the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm > and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food > or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. > > THE END > > > > THE BRITISH VERSION: > > The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all > summer long, building his house and laying up > supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's > a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer > away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well > fed. > > A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, > calls a press conference and demands to know why the > squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed > while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, > are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide > live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with > cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable > warm home with a table laden with food. > > The British press inform people that they should be > ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor > grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others > have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal > Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate > in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, > interrupting a cultural festival special from > Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi > cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken > Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor > McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of > grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on > the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and > increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner > London. > > In response to pressure from the media, the > Government drafts the Economic Equity and > Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to > the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes > are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for > failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the > work he was doing on his home and an additional fine > for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper > did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided > with a council house, financial aid to furnish it > and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he > can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is > seized and re distributed to the more needy members > of society, in this case the grasshopper. > > Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the > fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the > squirrel has to downsize and start building a new > home. The local authority takes over his old home > and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum > seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to > Britain as they had to share their country of origin > with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the > airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs. > > The cats had been arrested for the international > offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were > immediately released because the police fed them > pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. > Initial moves to then return them to their own > country were abandoned because it was feared they > would face death by the mice. The cats devise and > start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit > cards. > > A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing > up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is > still months away, while the council house he is in, > crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to > maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. > Inadequate government funding is blamed for the > grasshopper's drug 'illness'. > > The cats seek recompense in the British courts for > their treatment since arrival in UK. > > The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old > dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs > habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately > because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He > is placed in the care of the probation service to > monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has > killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery. > > A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost > £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up. > > Additional money is put into funding a drug > rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid > for lawyers representing asylum seekers is > increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by > the government for enriching Britain's multicultural > diversity and dogs are criticised by the government > for failing to befriend the cats. > > The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual > sections of the press blame it on the obvious > failure of government to address the root causes of > despair arising from social inequity and his > traumatic experience of prison. > > > They call for the resignation of a minister. > > The cats are paid a million pounds each because > their rights were infringed when the government > failed to inform them there were mice in the United > Kingdom. > > The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the > hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies > have to pay an additional percentage on their credit > cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to > pay for law and order and they are told that they > will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall > in government funds. > > THE END Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nelson_R32 Posted June 7, 2008 Report Share Posted June 7, 2008 Very good, we laugh but the whole joke has quite a serious point... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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