Got my vote!

[daytripper]

Got my Vote !!

Monster Raving Loony Party, Overview of Policies, 2005

Our team of experts has decided that Income Tax has not proved popular with the public and will therefore be abolished. It was started in order to finance the Napoleonic war in 1799 and we now believe that the time is right to announce the cessation of hostilities with Napoleon. Some of the money left in the coffers will be used to fill in our part of the Channel Tunnel in case no one has mentioned it to the French. Any remaining money will be strategically placed on a horse at the 3-30 at Haydock Park at odds of at least 12/1 in order to see us through until the next election.

Income Tax will be officially replaced by people lending the government a bob or two at the end of the week when we're a bit skint.

Other policies:

We will issue a 99p coin to save on change.

The Official Monster Raving Loony Party will not join the single European currency. Instead, we will invite all Europeans countries to JOIN THE POUND.

Rich people should be taxed to pay for the printing of money, as they use most of it.

Tax credits will be paid to nice people. There will be a "total *******" tax for everyone else.

We pledge to reduce class sizes by making the pupils sit closer to one another and issuing them with smaller desks.

Bright pupils will be provided with dimmer switches to prevent them distracting the rest of the class.

The number 13 will be abolished due to its longstanding unpopularity. The bus to Acton North will now not have a number on it but not much else will be affected. Therefore if you see a bus with no number on it, it will be going to Acton North. Please remember this for future reference

We will replace the House of Lords with the House of Cards, to make it easier for the Government to deal with.

All cars will be converted to run on Veno's to help stop congestion.

We fully back the government's policy of discouraging binge drinking by opening pubs for 24 hours. We believe that 24 hours is not quite long enough and propose to make the length of a day 32 hours long so that the pubs can be open for even longer.

We also rather like the government idea of coming down hard on drugs by legalising them. Regarding tobacco it will now only be legal to smoke it with cannabis. Anyone found to have a ciggy not containing any cannabis will be made to walk to Coventry with a stone in their shoe, unless they come from Coventry in which case an alternative major city will be substituted on the advice of a committee who will meet far too often and eat dope cakes.

We will set up an enquiry to find out why there's a Polar bear on Fox's Glacier mints.

All fast food will be clearly labelled "May contain traces of real food".

All foreign G.Ps in England and Wales will be taught the local dialect so they know when their patients feel Jiggered (Tired), Manky (Rough), Gipping (Vomiting) or have got somit rang with their Fizog (Face).

To prevent congestion on hospital wards, all hospital visits will be cut to 30 minutes a day, with the exception of Coco the clown to entertain the nurses.

Any politician wanting to start a war will be shipped off to the country in question with a bag of conkers. They can then conker the country themselves.

Anyone criticising defence will be made to mend it with de hammer and de nails.

Anyone believing that their pet understands every word that they say to them will be asked to make the pet write a thesis to prove it.

OAP Meals will be served on plates not on wheels.

The Olympic Games will only allow British sports people to take part in order to help our gold medal chances.

[malagus]

The manifesto is funny, but makes a surprising amount of sense!