Sorry about this one

[daytripper]

A man is wandering through the desert. He hasn't had any water for days

and is dying of thirst. To his amazement, he comes across three market

stalls set up in the desert.

He crawls up to the first one. "Water, water! Give me water!" he

cries.

"I'm sorry," says the first stall holder, "I sell nothing but custard."

The man crawls up to the second stall. "Water, water! Give me water!"

he cries.

"I'm sorry," says the second stall holder, "I sell nothing but cream and

sponge."

The man crawls up to the third stall. "Water, water! Give me water!"

he cries.

"I'm sorry," says the third stall holder, "I sell nothing but hundreds

and thousands."

"I can't believe none of you has any water," says the man.

"I know," says the third stall holder, "it is a trifle bazaar."

[Ari]

Absolute classic!!!

[Hopsta]

[garcon magnifique]

No, really, I AM sorry about this one...

A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors.

Doctor, I don't feel too good," said the little paper bag.

Hmm, you look OK to me," said the Doctor, "but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows, come back and see me in a couple of days."

The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results.

"What's wrong with me?" asked the little paper bag.

"I'm afraid you are HIV positive!" said the doctor.

"No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!" said the little paper bag.

"Have you been having unprotected sex?" asked the doctor.

"NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!"

"Well have you been sharing needles with other intravenous drug users?" asked the doctor.

"NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!"

"Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a jab or a blood transfusion?" queried the doctor.

"NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!"

"Well", said the doctor, "are you in a homosexual relationship?"

"NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm just a little paper bag.

"Then there can be only one explanation." said the doctor

wait for it . ..... .... ...

"Your mother must have been a carrier"

[garcon magnifique]

An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, James Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he got through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all. Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs to give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear end as he was bent over naked drying his legs and feet.

"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.

He whirled around and screamed,"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP!"

[garcon magnifique]

Scottish tourist hails a taxi. "How much to the airport?"

"Tenner," replies the driver.

"How much for my luggage?"

"That's free," says the driver.

"Well take my luggage then - I'm walking."