AntW Posted October 4, 2005 Report Share Posted October 4, 2005 A bloke goes into a fancy restaurant with his wife, the restaurant is well known as the chefs prepare your meal by your table. The chef comes over and introduces himself. "Good evening, my name is Jervais and I am your chef for the evening what would you like" They have both agreed on seafood and the wife chooses a lobster from the tank. The husband looks in the tank and sees a small green octopus which he chooses. Jervais flips the lobster into some boiling water and then scoops out the octopus. He drops it on his chopping board and is just bringing his knife down to tur it into so much clamari that he notices it has a little mustache (awww). He pauses for a moment and tries again, the little green mustached octopus blinks at him... again he cannot bring himself to kill it. "excuse me one moment," he tells the diners and disappears off to the kitchen returning moments later with the dishwasher. "this is Hans, he will be preparing your food" Hans is a man mountain, afraid of nothing, he takes the knife from Jervais and brings it down in a devasting blow... the little green mustached octopus waves a tentacle at him and smiles and he manages to slam the knife into the board next to it. Hans looks at Jervais, "I am sorry Jervais, I cannot kill it, it is too cute" They throw the little green mustached octopus back in the tank and the husband orders steak... the moral of the story? ... .. . Hans that does dishes is as soft as Jervais, with mild green, hairy lip squid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted October 4, 2005 Report Share Posted October 4, 2005 So bad it's ... terrible! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted October 4, 2005 Report Share Posted October 4, 2005 As we seem to be in the mood for terrible jokes (my boss just threatened to sack me for that one, Ant) ...... Two Norwegian Teddy Boys (Olf and Sven) were on a train travelling through the English Countryside in a carriage to themselves. They were talking away to each other in Norwegian as although Sven could speak English fluently, Olf could only speak his native Norwegian. Time passed and the boys got thirsty… Olf asked Sven to go and get 2 cans of cider from the buffet car as he would be the only one who could communicate with the staff. Off Sven trotted and while he was away, the train pulled into a station and two nuns boarded. Seeing an almost empty carriage they joined Olf and tried to strike up a conversation; understandably Olf was uncommunicative. Presently, Sven returned with two cans of beer as they had run out of cider. He handed one to Olf and said hello to the two nuns who explained that they thought his friend was very rude for ignoring them earlier. Sven was just about to explain the language barrier when Olf opened his can, took one swig and spat it out all over the two nuns. The nuns were aghast but took some consolation in the explanation… You see… … … … … Rude Olf the Ted loathes train beer. I've got me coat... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rustynuts Posted October 4, 2005 Report Share Posted October 4, 2005 [pic]Tumbleweed[/pic] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeilB Posted October 4, 2005 Report Share Posted October 4, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted October 5, 2005 Report Share Posted October 5, 2005 They get better! A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to start a conversation. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ....... and stay for breakfast. They have a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything has been SO incredible!!!! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies........." (wait for it...) (...it's coming...) (...the suspense is killing you, isn't it...?) She says: "You just happened to catch my eye." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayerbloke Posted October 5, 2005 Report Share Posted October 5, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syeldham Posted October 5, 2005 Report Share Posted October 5, 2005 Get out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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