NHS Boat race

[sayerbloke]

I`ll put it in here, but this could very well have actually happened...

***

There was once a boat race between a Japanese crew and an NHS team. Both practised long and hard to reach their peak performance but on the big day the Japanese won by a mile.

The NHS team became discouraged and morale sagged. Senior managers decided the reason for the crushing defeat must be found and set up a working party to investigate the problem and recommend action.

They concluded that the Japanese had eight people rowing and one steering while the NHS team had eight steering to one rowing. They immediately hired a consultancy to look at the team's structure. Millions of pounds and several months later the consultants concluded that too many people were steering and not enough rowing.

To avoid losing again the team structure was changed to give three assistant steering managers, three steering managers, one executive steering manager and a director of steering services. A performance and appraisal system was also set up, to give the person rowing the boat more incentive to work harder.

The Japanese were challenged to another race - and won by two miles. NHS managers responded by laying off the rower for poor performance, selling the oar and cancelling orders for a new boat. The money saved was used to finance higher-than-average pay awards for the steering group."

***

On second thoughts, that could never happen... Someone in a government job laid off just because they couldn't do the job? Ha, yeah right!

[Rustynuts]

Yep, that's about it.

[felixthecat1]

Is life really that bad??

[syeldham]

Yes.

Yes it is.

[GCab]

This is getting emailed to work

[felixthecat1]

[ QUOTE ]

Yes.

Yes it is.

[/ QUOTE ]

From one so young too.

Wait until you're older, that's when it hits the fan.

[sayerbloke]

[ QUOTE ]

This is getting emailed to work

[/ QUOTE ]

Heh, well I did get it from an NHS employee. I think that`s where the joke is at it`s most popular!

[sayerbloke]

And a mate of mine wrote a follow-up, which I then added my own reply to:

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"So then of course, the government intervened and computerised the entire system because of a high risk of terrorism. The PM wanted the system to be finished and operational in a week, whereas the programmers and tech department required a year, a far bigger budget and more staff. A week later, The Japanese were challenged to another race which they won by thirty miles; none of the staff could get into the boat. After getting through the palm scanners, slighty faulty iris scanners that landed two of the steerers in custody without trial for two weeks, not one member of the team could remember their fifteen-digit code number. Mostly because not one of them were told what it was, because the training budget was six pence and a second-class stamp. The government, however, along with the senior managers, were baffled. Daily Mail readers sent lots of letters to complain about the "evil" of computers and the internet.

Meanwhile, the rower had bought a kayak and set up his own private business, and was applying for a substantial grant from the government so that he could beat the Japanese by himself."

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"The government didn't give him the grant because he wasn't part of whichever minority group they were supporting that week and instead introduced a new kayak tax. This forced him to sell the kayak in order to raise enough money to pay the tax which was still payable whether he owned it now or not.

Another private firm suggested that the government could make their boat much more aqua-dynamic by waxing it, meaning it`d be faster and save the crew's energy but this caused an environmentalist to complain about possible water pollution and the idea was scrapped.

Readers of The Guardian demanded the money for the project be given to the NHS, only to be told that`s exactly where the money was going and that maybe they should pay more attention."

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[R32North]

.... but no-one washed their hands after cramming themselves into the boat, and since then they've all contracted MRSA and are speeding about the watery byways of Britan spreading said super-bug to all unsundary!!!