Omi Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 Mr T ones reminded me... Sorry if it's glasscock. - Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. -When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women. -Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. -Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. -If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. -Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. -Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." -Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. -Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure. -Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. -Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. -Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. -Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. -Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. -There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. -Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. -Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris -Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. -To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. -There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. -Chuck Norris doesn't actually have a beard. What we perceive as a sexy and rugged man-beard is actually just Chuck Norris' skin. Legend has it that if Chuck Norris actually grew a beard, every woman in the world would simultaneously orgasm, thus destroying the Earth. Chuck Norris isn't sure if that's true, but he thinks we're better safe than sorry. -The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. -Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. -The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. -Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. -When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. -Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way. -When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." -After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane". -Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the poo out of little kids. -Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living poo out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited. -Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. -Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't feck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. -Chuck Norris does not have your normal human-style, male nipples. He has a Dodge Ram hood ornament on each pec, and both rams blow smoke out of their noses each and every time he pumps Christy Brinkley. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaddyDub Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 LMAO at these 2: Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. and Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AntW Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 [ QUOTE ] Sorry if it's glasscock. [/ QUOTE ] okay, thats an expression I have never heard before, care to elaborate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omi Posted January 11, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=glasscock Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AntW Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 aha, all makes sense now, thanks Omi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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