therealvw Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 Two Cannibals are chowing down on a troop of Clowns, One says to the other " Does this taste Funny to you?" Next........ Two Snowmen stood next to each other, one says to the other one " Do you Smell Carrots?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulb Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 Made me chuckle. Simple jokes for simple minds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hotdog Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 its a cracker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 Two parrots on a perch. One says, "Can you smell fish?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Problem_Child Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 What do you call an Aardvark that's just beaten up two other Aardvarks? A Wellaardvark. What do you call one of the other Aardvarks? A Vark. Because he's not Aard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hotdog Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 How do you confuse a Man Utd fan? Show him a map of Manchester Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparky Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 Two fish in a tank. One says to the other... So... how do we drive this thing? Gotta love the old ones Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fingermouse Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 man walks into a bar and cries ouch it was an iron bar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOSE Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 Granny walks into a chineses restaraunt and asks "Exscuse me, are you Wan King the Head Waitor", Waitor replies "No I am Fu-King the Chef" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kerbside Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 A guy walks into a Fishmonger. He has a massive salmon under one arm. "Do you have any fishcakes?" He asks the fishmonger. "No, sorry we have sold out." Replies the fishmonger. "Shame! It's his birthday today." Replies the guy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 Jelly baby goes to the doctors and says, "Doctor, I need an AIDS test." Doctor says, "Don't be daft, you're a jelly baby." "I know," says the jelly baby, "but I've been shaggin' all sorts!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesB Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 Dyslexic man walks into a bra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd think one of 'em would've seen it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesB Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 A rabbi, a priest, and a nun walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, some kind of joke?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 Baby penguin walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Have you seen my dad?" Barman says, "Dunno, what's he look like?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ian_m Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 Bob says to John "What would you do if the world was going to end in 2 minutes?" John Replies "I would shag anything that moves! What would you do?" Bob replies " I would stand VERY still" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hopsta Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 2 eggs in a saucepan boil First egg says to the 2nd "Cor its a bit hot in here" 2nd egg replies "Wait until you get out fella, they'll be bashing your head in" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOSE Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 Two grannies in a chip shop. A flasher walks in...one had a stroke and the other couldnt reach. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syeldham Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 There are two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says: "Who's driving this thing?" Pope dies, goes up to heaven and God says: "Who are you?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mulkbear Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 [ QUOTE ] Two grannies in a chip shop. A flasher walks in...one had a stroke and the other couldnt reach. [/ QUOTE ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOSE Posted January 19, 2006 Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 Mr Cadbury and Ms Rowntree met on a coach journey, it was After Eight.She was from Quality Street; he was a Fisherman's Friend.On the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had a Rum & Butter and she had a Wine Gum. He asked her name, "Polo - I'm the one with the hole", she said. "I'm the one with the Nuts", he thought. Then he touched her Milky Way. They checked in and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic. It wasn'tlong before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt the contrast of her Double Decker. Then he showed her his Curly Wurly. But Ms Rowntree wasn't keen as she already had a few Jelly Babies, so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard. He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge.It was a Magic Moment as she let out a scream of Turkish Delight. When he came out his Fun Sized Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more but he decided to take a Time Out. However, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetising. So he did a Twirl and had a Picnic in her Sherbert. At the same time he gave her a Gob Stopper. Unfortunately Mr Cadbury had to go home to his wife, Caramel.Sadly, he was soon to discover he had caught V.D. It turns out Ms Rowntree had a Box of Assorted Creams. She had been with All Sorts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bounce Posted January 19, 2006 Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 What do a vagina, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pincher Posted January 19, 2006 Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 A really ugly woman went into a shop with her 2 kids. The shopkeeper said 'Are they twins?' The woman replied 'No. He's 7 and she's 5. Why? Do they look alike?' 'Not at all' said the shopkeeper 'I just can't believe you got laid twice!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bounce Posted January 20, 2006 Report Share Posted January 20, 2006 A woman was in the kitchen cooking dinner and she was just singing, humming and giggling all over herself. Her husband asked her why she was so happy. She said, "I went to the doctor today and he said I have the breasts of a twenty year old." The husband then asked, "What did he say about your fifty year old ass?" "Your name didn't come up in our conversation." She replied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soulboy Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Two blokes chatting up an attractive girl in a bar when she lets it slip that she is a twin. 'Fantastic, is the other twin as good looking as you?' 'No not really. He's got a beard' ---------------------------------- Im really upset today, cause my pet chameleon died of exhaustion yesterday, when he escaped from his cage and tried to walk across a tartan rug. ------------------------------- "Abba were my favourite band in the 70's. I really used to fancy the blond one" "me too! What was his name again" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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