Do your duty and help the UK

[Scotty]

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending
your 'Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely:

* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to Gibraltar,
Ireland & Luxemburg

*If you spend it on Amazon your money will go Lichtenstein

*If you spend it on ebay your money will go to Ireland

* If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs

* If you purchase a computer it will go to India, Taiwan or China

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Kenya, Spain or Morocco

* If you spend it in your corner “Asian mini-mart” no tax will be paid, it
will be used in drug deals and eventually will be conveyed to Pakistan in a
large suitcase to fund terrorism.

* If you spend it on “cheap” cigs it will end up in Romania or Bulgaria

* If you give it to Oxfam 20% only will go abroad and 80% will remain in the
hands of the administrators, who will spend it on fact finding missions to
Cayman Islands, Thailand & Mauritius.

* If you buy a foreign car it will go to Japan,Germany, France, India
or Korea.

* If you buy a British car it will go to Japan, Germany or India.

* If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management
bonuses and they will hide it offshore

Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

1. Spending it at car boot sales
2. Going to night clubs
3. Spending it on call girls
4. Buying cider, beer or scotch
5. Getting yourself a tattoo
6. Visiting a bookie

(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )

Conclusion:

Go to a night club with a tattooed call girl that you met at a car boot sale
and drink beer day and night !

It’s the patriotic thing to do.