Wordplay

[Ari]

The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following are some of the winning entries:

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon

Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Frisbatarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of

obtaining sex.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these, really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they

come at you rapidly.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the Taxation Office, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

And best of all.... Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid AND an asshole:

[S3Bangs]

Seen some of these before but these got me in fits

[ QUOTE ]

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid AND an asshole:

[/ QUOTE ]

[sotty]