Them pilots know some....

[Mort]

Choose your fave....

- Truly superior pilots are those who use their superior judgment to avoid those situations where they might have to use their superior skills.

- Rule one: No matter what else happens, fly the airplane.

- Flying is hours of boredom, punctuated by moments of stark terror.

- Fly it until the last piece stops moving.

- It’s better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.

- An airplane will probably fly a little bit overgross but it sure won’t fly without fuel.

- Believe your instruments.

- Think ahead of your airplane.

- I’d rather be lucky than good.

- The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.

- If we are what we eat, then some pilots should eat more chicken.

- I’d rather be a chicken than a turkey.

- Without fuel, pilots become pedestrians.

- If you’re ever faced with a forced landing at night, turn on the landing lights to see the landing area. If you don’t like what you see, turn 'em back off.

- Standard checklist philosophy requires that pilots read to each other the actions they perform every flight, and recite from memory those they need every three years.

- Experience is the knowledge that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

- There are some flight instructors where the student is important, and there are some instructors where the instructor is important. Pick carefully.

- Speed is life, altitude is life insurance.

- No one has ever collided with the sky.

- Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.

- It’s better to be down here wishing you were up there, than to be up there wishing you were down here.

- One peek is worth a thousand instrument cross-checks.

- Experience is a hard teacher. First comes the test, then the lesson.

- Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands.

- Never let an airplane take you somewhere you brain didn’t get to five minutes earlier.

- If it’s red or dusty don’t touch it.

- Don’t drop the aircraft in order to fly the microphone.

- An airplane flies because of a principle discovered by Bernoulli, not Marconi.

- Cessna pilots are always found in the wreckage with their hand around the microphone.

- If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller.

- To go up, pull the stick back. To go down, pull the stick back harder.

- Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man.... Landing is the first!

- Definition of 'pilot': The first one to arrive at the scene of an aircraft accident.

-The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.

- If you’ve got time to spare, go by air.

(More time yet? Go by jet.)

- IFR: I Follow Roads.

- There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old bold pilots.

- If you don’t gear up your brain before takeoff, you’ll probably gear up your airplane on landing.

- It only takes two things to fly, airspeed and money.

- Forget all that stuff about thrust and drag, lift and gravity, an airplane flies because of money.

- Do you see that propeller? Well, everything behind it revolves around money.

- The difference between a duck and a co-pilot?

The duck can fly.

- It’s better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.

- The owner’s guide that comes with a $500 refrigerator makes more sense than the one that comes with a $50 million airliner.

- Flying is not Nintendo. You don’t push a button and start over.

- The six P’s:

Proper Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance.

- The future in aviation is the next 30 seconds. Long term planning is an hour and a half.

- Life is lead points and habit patterns.

- Gravity: killer of young adults.

- The only thing that scares me about flying is the drive to the airport.

- Young man, was that a landing or were we shot down?

- Sorry folks for the hard landing. It wasn’t the pilot’s fault, and it wasn’t the plane’s fault. It was the asphalt.

- Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself.

- An accident investigation hearing is conducted by non-flying experts who need six months to itemize all the mistakes made by a crew in the six minutes it has to do anything.

- Things which do you no good in aviation:

Altitude above you.

Runway behind you.

Fuel in the truck.

A navigator.

Half a second ago.

Approach plates in the car.

The airspeed you don’t have.

- It is far better to arrive late in this world than early in the next.

- You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

- The more traffic at an airport, the better it is handled.

- If man were meant to fly, God would have given him baggy, Nomex skin.

- If God meant man to fly, He’d have given us bigger wallets.

- If God had meant for men to fly he would have made their bones hollow and not their heads.

- What’s the difference between God and pilots? God doesn’t think he’s a pilot.

- Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.

- You can land anywhere once.

- Flying is the perfect vocation for a man who wants to feel like a boy, but not for one who still is.

- There are four ways to fly: the right way, the wrong way, the company way and the captain’s way. Only one counts.

- Trust your captain .... but keep your seatbelt securely fastened.

- An airplane may disappoint a good pilot, but it won’t surprise him.

- Winds aloft reports are of incomparable value - to historians.

- Any pilot who relies on a terminal forecast can be sold the Brooklyn (or London) Bridge. If he relies on winds-aloft reports he can be sold Niagara Falls (or The Tower of London).

- The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engine usually quits whining when it gets to the gate.

- Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.

- Being an airline pilot would be great if you didn’t have to go on all those trips.

- The nicer an airplane looks, the better it flies.

- CAUTION: Aviation may be hazardous to your wealth.

- If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it; if it ain’t fixed, don’t fly it.

- A mechanics favorite: It’s not a leak, its a seep.

- And another: If it won’t budge force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

- The worst day of flying still beats the best day of real work.

- A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he’s flying, and about flying when he’s with a woman.

- There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

- It’s a good landing if you can still get the doors open.

- First, listen to the question the student asked, then listen to the question he didn’t ask and then figure out the question he really meant to ask.

- Airspeed, altitude, or brains; you always need at least two.

- A groundschool instructor understands piloting the way an astronomer understands the stars.

- Every groundschool class includes one arse who, at 5 minutes before 5, asks a question requiring a 20-minute explanation.

- Gravity, it’s not just a good idea, it’s the law.

- The Law of Gravity is not a general rule.

- You can only tie the record for flying low.

- Flying at night is the same as flying in the day, except you can’t see.

- It is easier to cope with a single in-flight problem than a series of minor ones. Real trouble must be swallowed in small doses.

- It is said that two wrongs do not make a right, but two wrights do make an aeroplane.

- Passengers prefer old captains and young flight attendants.

- A captain with little confidence in his crew usually has little in himself.

- The only soul more pitiful than a captain who cannot make up his mind is the copilot who has to fly with him.

- The sharpest captains are the easiest to work with.

- The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as copilot is a copilot who once was a captain.

- Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.

- A captain is two flight engineers sewn together.

- Everything in the company manual - policy, warnings, instructions, the works - can be summed up to read, 'Captain it’s your baby.'

- Nothing is more optimistic than a dispatcher’s estimated time of departure.

- Clocks lie; an 18-hour layover passes much quicker that an 8-hour day.

- Any pilot who does not privately consider himself the best in the game is in the wrong game.

- A terminal forecast is a horoscope with numbers.

- A thunderstorm is never as bad on the inside as it appears on the outside. It’s worse.

- I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

- If it ain’t Boeing -- I ain’t going.

- It’s easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.

- Pilots are just plane people with a special air about them.

- Keep the shiny side up and the greasy side down.

- Don’t forget to keep the blue side up.

- A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.

- What’s the difference between a first officer and a duck?

The duck can fly.

- When a forecaster talks about yesterday’s weather, he’s an historian; when he talks about tomorrow’s, he’s reading tea leaves.

- The main thing is to take care of the main thing.

- The last thing every pilot does before leaving the aircraft after making a gear up landing is to put the gear selection lever in the 'down' position.

- Remember, you’re always a student in an airplane.

- Keep looking around; there’s always something you’ve missed.

- Fuel in the tanks is limited. Gravity is forever.

- Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.

- Takeoff’s are optional. Landings are mandatory.

__________________

[sayerbloke]

-You can only tie the record for flying low

-The last thing every pilot does before leaving the aircraft after making a gear up landing is to put the gear selection lever in the 'down' position.

Very good

[Jape]

[ QUOTE ]

If it ain’t Boeing -- I ain’t going.

[/ QUOTE ]

No, no, no, no, no, no!