Vote loony

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Vote Looney! What other party would admit that they " pledge to fight the general election on an invisible platform so that people cannot see the floors in our policies. "

http://omrlp.brinkster.net/Manicfesto2005.asp

Some of it makes a frightening amount of sense....

ECONOMY:

We will issue a 99p coin to save on change.

Rich people should be taxed to pay for the printing of money, as they use most of it.

Tax credits will be paid to nice people. There will be a "total bastard" tax for everyone else.

SLEAZE:

Any Home Secretary claiming to have more children than necessary will be made to run the House Of Commons Crèche.

EDUCATION:

We pledge to reduce class sizes by making the pupils sit closer to one another and issuing them with smaller desks.

Bright pupils will be provided with dimmer switches to prevent them distracting the rest of the class.

We intend to make free university tuition available to all students named Grant.

TRANSPORT:

All cars will be converted to run on Venos to help stop congestion.

LAW & ORDER:

We also rather like the government idea of coming down hard on drugs by legalising them. Regarding tobacco it will now only be legal to smoke it with cannabis. Anyone found to have a ciggy not containing any cannabis will be made to walk to Coventry with a stone in their shoe, unless they come from Coventry in which case an alternative major city will be substituted on the advice of a committee who will meet far too often and eat dope cakes.

DEFENCE:

All WMD's (weapons of Mass Distraction) will be made highly visible so that we can find them.

Any politician wanting to start a war will be shipped off to the country in question with a bag of conkers. They can then conker the country themselves.

The white cliffs of Dover will be painted blue to camouflage our islands.

Buckingham Place will be defended by triffids, cultivated by Prince Charles.

Anyone criticising defence will be made to mend it with de hammer and de nails.

RETIREMENT:

We will raise the old age pension to £2,000 a week for every pensioner who, for a period of more than 6 days, manages not to bore everyone witless about how brilliant their grandchildren are. To ease the transition period, special centres will be built where they may go once a week and rattle on about them. Unemployed people will be paid a 'Bore Allowance' of £27-50 a day to sit in front of them pretending to give a damn and saying "Mmm, how interesting" and "Really, well I never" and other statements as determined by the government. Tea and biscuits will be provided and the Samaritans will be on hand to council any of the 'Bore Allowance' volunteers.

Old age will be made officially 5 years older than you are.

CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENTS:

In future the National Anthem will be 'Bring Me Sunshine' as sung by Morecambe and Wise. It is quicker, more tuneful and people know the words. On state occasions Prince Philip will juggle his spectacles up and down and say, "Hey!" before the whole of the The Royal family do the dance off at the end. If the music can not be found because it was left in the pub then it may be substituted by 'The Hippo Song' by Flanders and Swann.

[DaddyDub]

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DEFENCE:

Anyone criticising defence will be made to mend it with de hammer and de nails.

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[felixthecat1]

They've got my vote.

(I'll decide nearer the date if I'm joking or not)