Top Surprises in the Manchester United Plan

[SeanKHotay]

Swashbuckling Malcolm Glazer, billionaire owner of (American) football's Tampa Bay Buccaneers, gained control of (the rest of the world) football powerhouse Manchester United, much to the distress and despair of Man United fans, with plans to privatize the club, much to the distress and despair of Man United fans.

Stretching a hand across the pond, this 'Merican, trying to make amends as we are a scheming, thieving, unfeeling lot, listened in at the keyhole of the backroom dealings and passes along these tidbits of the master plan.

Well folks, 'ere's the list!

Top 15 Surprises in Glazer's Manchester United Privatization Plan

15 - Sun Headline: "Pirate makes deal for the Devil!"

14 - Cheerleaders with t!ts! (male -and- female)

13 - New coach: Tony Dungy!! (Chucky stays in Tampa)

12 - Old Trafford Stadium renamed "Ye Olde Truffle Stadium" to add a touch of class.

......New official stadium cheer: "Root for Ye Olde Truffles!!"

11 - In 2007, in an effort to appeal to fans, the renamed Old Trafford, now "Ye Olde Truffle Stadium", is re-renamed Old Traffic Ford Stadium...

...and has a new sponsor...

...for 70M Euros...

...from banks in Cologne/Köln....

....(Oh, you want that converted to £?)

10 - TAILGATING!! (No, not bumper-to-bumper traffic)

9 - The Man U mascot Red Devil's trident replaced with a buccaneer's cutlass...

... and he gets a feather in his horns.

8 - A marketing alignment with US ham vendor.

7 - Fans lynch McManus and Magnier. (OK, that's not a surprise)

6 - Pitch at Old Trafford is 'upgraded' to Astroturf.

5 - Introduction of the Stonehenge Play

4 - Bud, Domino's, and Nathan's served during games

3 - The football is now brown.

2 - A Glazer grinds the point off the Red Devil's horns

...and the top surprise in Glazer's master plan?

1 - Manchester United's profits go to pay for the war in Iraq...

(that's one week's costs covered)