simonb Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Me and the Mrs have had a big fall out today. Supposed to be getting married in November but she's stormed off to her mums to sleep there as her mum and dad are away on hols. Don't know what to do about it all?!! Started today - she went for a job interview on Friday and was convinced she'd not got it. Her current job is really getting her down. Anyway, she had another interview today and when she came out, had a voicemail off Friday's people saying the job was hers if she wanted it. She rang me and left a message on my voicemail as i was in a meeting. I called her back and she said, 'I got the job and you're taking me out for tea!'. Well, the place she suggested wasn't the classiest of joints but i could cope with it - plus, with the wedding, we're quite skint at the moment. I planned with my boss to finish work @ 4.30 and have an early tea as she wanted. But then my dad emailed me @ work. I agreed for him to come round @ 7.30 to look at a plumbing problem that we have. I told her this on the way home from work @ 4.45 as i couldn't get hold of her all afternoon despite my voicemails left. My dad needs to do it today as he too is going away on Wednesday and can't come round tomorrow. Well - this didn't go down well. Basically, her argument is that i put my mum and dad first before her and that i knew we were going out for tea to celebrate her no longer having to put up with her current job that gets her, and therefore me, down. I apologised for this but oh no - 'im going out tonight', where?, 'don't know - not telling you'. Anyway, rushed home from work having had this conversation to an empty house - went upstairs and come see her walking down the path at the back of the house. Followed her to where it comes out @ her mums road in the car and she got in, told me to take her to asda, shouted more at me on the way, jumped out and that was that. I went home, thought about it, then went to Asda myself, bought a big bunch of flowers, and 2 cards, a sorry one and a 'congrats' one and took them to her. Tried to apologise but she's not having it. Just walked the dogs round now - they were missing her. Had a small hope that she'd walk back round with me and that we'd make up but no - she's sleeping there tonight. Told her i'd see her tomorrow, she said 'may be, maybe not'. I'm gutted - don't know what to do or how to feel. She's so stubborn. Don't know if she's just doing this as her mum and dad are away and her mum is her best mate who she talks too. I don't know if i can marry her if this is what she's going to do to me - it's happened before, and when i say sorry, all i get is 'they're just words Simon'. I want to marry her, but don't want the messyness of a divorce in a few years. I think, i hope, we can sort it out but just don't know what to do. This is the first night we've been apart, give or take a few nights out with the lads for me, and a few with the girls for her for nearly 3 years. I'm a broken man at the moment and i'm sure you guys make good listeners and will give good advice. I do want to marry her and after the great day we had yesterday, pretty sure she feels the same, just worried now thats all. I think she's just punishing me for being thoughtless now. Any thoughts lads?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruiser647 Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 No, you were not thoughtless. The Plumbing (pretty importnat???) needs doing. The plumber is going away tomorrow. you do not have the money to pay a plumber. No brainer - unless you want to do it.......? Anyway, let her stew. It might make her realise that she takes you for granted. She needs to realise there are 2 people. Do NOT call her or anything. Wait for her to call. Ideally, you need to ask a girl what to do. Blokes will give you logical advice. You need 'girlie' advice. If you know what I mean. Before you marry, make sure you can live with these tantrums. Your life will NOT be the easy life. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UBM Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Give her some space and get the plumbing fixed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Cheers mate - good advice - my mate, to be the best man, always says never to grovel - i was planning on a text later but might just leave it. This happened last time we had a big fall out before we got the house together. It was a case of 'u can sleep here tonight but can go back to your mums in the morning for a week to get my head and your head clear'. Within 8 hours, she'd rung and wanted me back! So much for a week. Cheers for that cruiser. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rustynuts Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Yep, spot on there. The plumbing is at least as important as the rest of your married life. How would you cope with a wife without running water? Get the water works sorted out, and let her enjoy the luxury of an empty house while you and your dad go for a pint. Address the "Fiance walked out on me" issue tomorrow, and you can then tell her how big a problem it actually was, and she's lucky she wasn't there to see all the floorboards up, and this, that and the other. Embellish the story a bit, and get your dad to back you up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruiser647 Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Hope it works..........and is what you REALLY want...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Think she knows it was nothing major and to be honest could've waited other than the constant drip drip dripping at night. Women eh?! Why do we bother eh guys?! Well i know why. Cheers for your advice rustynuts - much appreciated. Dad's gone home now but let me have a drive of his brand new Audi A3 2.0 TDI 140 Sport that he picked up today - brought a glimmer of a smile back to my face. Nice motor. Just looking at some things on the net why she's not here, ironing a work shirt, couple of cans of the amber nectar and then bed i think. See how i feel in the morning. Cheers fellas! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Cruiser - cheers. Yes, it is what i REALLY want. Her mum always calls her dad stubborn, and her dad vice versa her mum. Think she got that gene off both of them making her the stubbornist person i know. I can handle her though - just a bit weak this time though. You guys have helped though. Couldn't talk to my best man about this - he'd tell me to pack my bags now - wants his local drinking buddy back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StealthMullet Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Give it time to cool down but not to go cold then when she is ready to listen... Apologise, say sorry that if you made her feel secondary in your life that this was never your intention and convince her that your actions were based on what you thought was best for you both. The plumbing situation couldn't wait whilst you felt that you could celebrate another night as whilst this was obviously important, it wasn't as urgent due to circumstances. Reiterate how important she is to you and that you only did what you thought was best. Once she has bought this explain to her that for your future marriage to work she needs to react more calmly and not run away from problems at the drop of a hat. Instead of assuming the worst about you and walking out she should have spoken to you and that she needs to address this in order for you to be happy in your relationship with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Nicely said StealtMullet - thats what the 'hof' would say! She caught me at a bad time - i was 'hands free' on the M6 at 4.45pm when i was trying to justify my actions. Quickly found myself doing around 110mph every time i rang her - it was winding me up so much trying to get through! Bad timing really - had no chance - she was chilled out walking the dogs and had time to think! I'll let it cool until tomorrow morning and call her then. I agree also with explain about being calm - i always give her the benefit of the doubt. If she says, i forgot to do XYZ, i say no worries - if i say it, she goes ape at me. We've spoke about this before though and she's improved. I also made her realise that it's me and her now, and not me and her; then her, her mum and her dad - she's not 13 any more and can't go running home every few minutes when things don't suit her. Cheers guys - starting to sound better situation already. Just hope i don't get a nasty text soon otherwise that'll mess up my plans of an early night! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Glad i posted now. Really feel sad for Shark_90 about what happened with his Mrs. Just hoping this thread has a happy ending - i certainly intend to try for that. Thanks guys - much appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schmoo Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 let us know what happened mr b. its quite odd that she says you put your folks first though.. as you are getting something done for owt when you are brassicks. women eh! she'll soon come around as soon as she realises what she's missing or something like that anyway! ive got this problem though, wife puts her mum first always... grr dont get me started.. bloody hell im in a mood now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mo-S3 Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 If your having problemslike this early on before marriage then dont fool yourself into thinking that they will go away or wontreoccur after you are married. Iv heard of people living together for years and then as soon as they get married they seem to change. You feel completely justified in what you had to do with regards to the plumbing but she cant see that and thinks that you should always put her first regardless of any crisis. This kind of attitude wont work. You obviously cant sit her down and make her understand this as your her man to be so coming from you will not be taken serious by her. Marriage is a lifetime committment and its not easy to get out of a bad one without even more heartache so instead of saying what the hell lets just get married and im sure it will be ok! i suggest you get it sorted before hand. By this i mean possibly go see a relate councillour/ marriage guidence to try to make each party understand what they feel and what they are expecting from one another. Rant over. Godd luck ( i know where your coming from) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Calm down dear - it's only a wife! Mine puts her mum first and never even thinks of mine! GRRRR! Women indeed!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruiser647 Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Hey Schmoo! Just think of 'The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin'. Each time the mother-in-law was mentioned, a picture of a hippo trotting came to veiw. I was too young to understand, but now I have had one!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ari Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 So she left and went back to her mums because you arranged for your dad to come round and fix the plumbing in your and her house after you'd taken her out!!??? And this is all your fault....!!???? And you're not even married or got kids yet? Either I'm not understanding this correctly, or you are'nt cos you want her back! Sorry mate, I have been out with a similarly, err how can I put this politely, self focused lady, and it just gets worse and worse. I know it's not what you want to hear, but you asked for advice and based on the above? Imagine what it'd be like after you're married and/or got kids when she's faced with an actual real problem... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ari Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 [ QUOTE ] If your having problemslike this early on before marriage then dont fool yourself into thinking that they will go away or wontreoccur after you are married. You feel completely justified in what you had to do with regards to the plumbing but she cant see that and thinks that you should always put her first regardless of any crisis. This kind of attitude wont work. You obviously cant sit her down and make her understand this as your her man to be so coming from you will not be taken serious by her. [/ QUOTE ] Indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 [ QUOTE ] If your having problemslike this early on before marriage then dont fool yourself into thinking that they will go away or wontreoccur after you are married. Iv heard of people living together for years and then as soon as they get married they seem to change. You feel completely justified in what you had to do with regards to the plumbing but she cant see that and thinks that you should always put her first regardless of any crisis. This kind of attitude wont work. You obviously cant sit her down and make her understand this as your her man to be so coming from you will not be taken serious by her. Marriage is a lifetime committment and its not easy to get out of a bad one without even more heartache so instead of saying what the hell lets just get married and im sure it will be ok! i suggest you get it sorted before hand. By this i mean possibly go see a relate councillour/ marriage guidence to try to make each party understand what they feel and what they are expecting from one another. Rant over. Godd luck ( i know where your coming from) [/ QUOTE ] Thanks mate - that was the message that i was dreading really but sort of knew it would come anyway. I've already thought of a coucillor - we're both very strong minded and always think we're right and the other's wrong - thats the problem i think. In the past both our ex's have been the opposite so now, it's a bit of a battle when it comes to a joint decision. Councillor-wise - surely, if there's a problem so early on, it's doomed from the start. I keep thinking that but then next thing you know we're best mates and are cuddling up on the setee. We do everything together bar work. Drink together, walk dogs together, look after nephews together, asda-shopping together. This is the first time that either of us has lived with someone - she was at uni for 5 years then lived in Hull on her own for a bit, and i've always lived at my mum and dads until this relationship. Don't think we give each other enough breathing space and this leads to small arguments when making decisions which in turn leads to bigger stuff. Point taken though, thanks for that. Will see what happens tomorrow and keep you lot posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 [ QUOTE ] So she left and went back to her mums because you arranged for your dad to come round and fix the plumbing in your and her house after you'd taken her out!!??? And this is all your fault....!!???? And you're not even married or got kids yet? Either I'm not understanding this correctly, or you are'nt cos you want her back! Sorry mate, I have been out with a similarly, err how can I put this politely, self focused lady, and it just gets worse and worse. I know it's not what you want to hear, but you asked for advice and based on the above? Imagine what it'd be like after you're married and/or got kids when she's faced with an actual real problem... [/ QUOTE ] No mate, never actually went out for tea. That was the point really. The place she suggested, we could've easily got to if i picked her up at 5.10pm, as planned and as i was on schedule to do, then driven there, eaten, had a drink afterwards, driven back, got changed before my dad landed at 7.30pm. I thought this when arranging my dad to come round. She just didn't see this and i think she wanted a boozy night out. I really want to speak to someone like my Dad about this - see what he thinks about it all - but i don't want to upset him knowing that his son is unhappy. He's had a lot on his plate recently and this is the last thing he needs. Just need someone that knows both me and her - but not my bestman - like i said - he just wants his drinking buddy back in his village!! Oh what to do!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ari Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 [ QUOTE ] [No mate, never actually went out for tea. That was the point really. The place she suggested, we could've easily got to if i picked her up at 5.10pm, as planned and as i was on schedule to do, then driven there, eaten, had a drink afterwards, driven back, got changed before my dad landed at 7.30pm. I thought this when arranging my dad to come round. She just didn't see this and i think she wanted a boozy night out. [/ QUOTE ] Sorry, bit confused. My understanding is she wanted to go out to tea. So you arranged things so you could do what she wanted where she wanted and still be back in time for dad to sort out the plumbing. And that was somehow enough to send her so far off the deep end she actually moved out over it. Where am I wrong...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 You've got it mate. The main issue is that she was ecstatic about the job but i pissed on her chips by saying that we couldn't stay at the pub/restaurant all night boozing as i had to get back for my dad. Wouldn't care - she's not the big-drinker type!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StealthMullet Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 You could also buy 2 puppies and when you're feling down hold them close to your face for strength. If it works for the Hoffmeister it can work for you baby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 We've got 2 already! Well, one's 15 months old, the other 14 weeks. Might just try that now as they're here sat on the floor next to me. Aaah, that's better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StealthMullet Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Puppy power Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesB Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 One of the questions that springs to mind is why you like her. Is her stubbornness and short fuse part of the reason you are attracted to her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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