Truely dreadful jokes

[Dave]

1. A vulture boards an aeroplane, carrying two dead racoons. The

stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion

allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and

says "Dam!".

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in

the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't

have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The

other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root

canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing

in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After

about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to

disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he

said, " I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes

to a family in Egypt and is named " Ahmal." The other goes to a

family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a

picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture,

she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of

Ahmal. Her husband responds ..... "They're twins! If you've seen

Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up

a small florist shop to raise funds.... Since everyone liked to buy

flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the

competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but

they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They

ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the

roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.

Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back

if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby

proving that ..... only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which

produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very

little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he

suffered from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad,

it's good) .... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to

friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them

laugh. No pun in ten did.

[R32North]

Oh, bad, bad, and very bad! I like 'em !!!!!