mulkbear Posted November 13, 2005 Report Share Posted November 13, 2005 What’s the different between a woman in a church and a woman in a bath? Ones got hope in her soul and the other has soap in her ____ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mulkbear Posted November 13, 2005 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2005 Two blonde's walk into a building, you'ed think one of them would have seen it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malagus Posted November 13, 2005 Report Share Posted November 13, 2005 how do you know when a blonde's been using word on the pc? there's tipp-ex on the screen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syeldham Posted November 13, 2005 Report Share Posted November 13, 2005 How do you find a taxi? Come to the rubber room, there's millions of them transporting members away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malagus Posted November 13, 2005 Report Share Posted November 13, 2005 oh god, my sides. can we lock this thread, the jokes are getting worse, soon there will be a 'why did jesus cross the road' rendition Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkside Posted November 13, 2005 Report Share Posted November 13, 2005 Whats the similarity between a woman and a condom? They both spend far too much time in your wallet and not enough time on your d#@k Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CraigR Posted November 15, 2005 Report Share Posted November 15, 2005 >Two kids are playing football in a park in Manchester. > >Suddenly one of them is attacked by a rottweiler which clamps its mouth >around the kid's neck. > >The other kid, seeing the danger his pal is in, picks up one of the >sticks they were using as a goal post, puts it through the dogs collar, >and using all his strength twists it until the dogs neck breaks and his >friend is saved. > >This is all seen by a Manchester Evening News reporter who sees a >possible national headline in the incident, and goes over to the kids. > >That was really heroic" he says "I can see it now: Heroic United fan >risks life to save best friend." > >But I don't follow United" says the kid. > >"Ok, how about: Super City Kid fights off rabid rottweiler to save his >pal." > >"But I don't follow City either" says the kid. > >"Well who do you support" asks the reporter. > >"Liverpool" he says. > >"Even better" says the reporter "Scouse bastard murders family pet"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparky Posted November 15, 2005 Report Share Posted November 15, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CraigR Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 A German guy approaches a prostitute and says " I vish to buy sex vit you" "OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 100 dollars an hour" " Ist goot, But I must varn you, I am a little kinky" "No problem" she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky" So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. "I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs.." The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs to her hands and knees. "Now you vill get on your hans and knees." She duly does this, balancing on the springs. "You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you." She finds all this very odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying. The sex is fantastic. She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller. The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered her breath. Finally she gasps "That was totally amazing....... what do you call that?" WAIT FOR IT................ Ah", says the German, "Four-sprung duck technique" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rustynuts Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Bloke collars a prostitute, and agrees a figure for sex. Again he says to her "Look, I'm a bit kinky. Is that OK?" "Oh, that's fine, I'll do anything if the price is right." she says. So back to her flat, and into bed she gets.The guy turns the light off and procedes to undress in the dark. After a couple of minutes waiting she says "Are you ok?". "Yes, just a minute." says he. Another few minutes pass and still no sign of him getting into bed. "Errr.. are you alright?" "Yep, just a couple of seconds now." says the man. Finally she's had enough and turns the light on to find him just pulling his trousers up, and says "Look, what's going on here. I thought you said you were kinky?" "I am." he says. "I've just sh!t in you handbag!". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaddyDub Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 A bloke keeps ringing me and singing 'Stand And Deliver' down the line. Well.... I keep telling him he's got the wrong number, but he's adamant. Boom boom! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FuntimeFrankie Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Why did the monkey fall out of the tree Cos he was dead Sorry, my kids favourite myself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GBWilliams Posted November 22, 2005 Report Share Posted November 22, 2005 Blonde walking down the tow path of a river sees another blonde on the tow path on the opposite bank. First blonde looks up and down the river and then shouts across "How do I get to the other side?" To which the second blonde shouts back "You are on the other side" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syeldham Posted November 22, 2005 Report Share Posted November 22, 2005 [ QUOTE ] oh god, my sides. can we lock this thread, the jokes are getting worse, soon there will be a 'why did jesus cross the road' rendition [/ QUOTE ] Why did Jesus cross the road? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malagus Posted November 23, 2005 Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] oh god, my sides. can we lock this thread, the jokes are getting worse, soon there will be a 'why did jesus cross the road' rendition [/ QUOTE ] Why did Jesus cross the road? [/ QUOTE ] He was nailed to the chicken! boom-boom! (sorry to all the christians) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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