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>Two kids are playing football in a park in Manchester.


>Suddenly one of them is attacked by a rottweiler which clamps its mouth

>around the kid's neck.


>The other kid, seeing the danger his pal is in, picks up one of the

>sticks they were using as a goal post, puts it through the dogs collar,

>and using all his strength twists it until the dogs neck breaks and his

>friend is saved.


>This is all seen by a Manchester Evening News reporter who sees a

>possible national headline in the incident, and goes over to the kids.


>That was really heroic" he says "I can see it now: Heroic United fan

>risks life to save best friend."


>But I don't follow United" says the kid.


>"Ok, how about: Super City Kid fights off rabid rottweiler to save his



>"But I don't follow City either" says the kid.


>"Well who do you support" asks the reporter.


>"Liverpool" he says.


>"Even better" says the reporter "Scouse bastard murders family pet"!

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A German guy approaches a prostitute and says " I vish to buy sex vit you"

"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 100 dollars an hour"

" Ist goot, But I must varn you, I am a little kinky"

"No problem" she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky"

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large

bedsprings and a duck caller.

"I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs.."

The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs to

her hands and knees.

"Now you vill get on your hans and knees."

She duly does this, balancing on the springs.

"You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you."

She finds all this very odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is


The sex is fantastic.

She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time

honking on the duck caller.

The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is

several minutes before she has recovered her breath.

Finally she gasps "That was totally amazing....... what do you call


WAIT FOR IT................

Ah", says the German, "Four-sprung duck technique"

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Bloke collars a prostitute, and agrees a figure for sex. Again he says to her "Look, I'm a bit kinky. Is that OK?"

"Oh, that's fine, I'll do anything if the price is right." she says.

So back to her flat, and into bed she gets.The guy turns the light off and procedes to undress in the dark. After a couple of minutes waiting she says "Are you ok?". "Yes, just a minute." says he.

Another few minutes pass and still no sign of him getting into bed. "Errr.. are you alright?" "Yep, just a couple of seconds now." says the man.

Finally she's had enough and turns the light on to find him just pulling his trousers up, and says "Look, what's going on here. I thought you said you were kinky?"

"I am." he says. "I've just sh!t in you handbag!". grin.gif

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