DaddyDub Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication Is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood. Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk. Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's. 23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence. Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity. You have only seen Mr. T in human form. In Narnia, he is a T. Rex with a lion's tail hanging out of his mouth. Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors. Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed. Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it. Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him. Mr. T once rocked the Casbah. Which explains why there is no longer a Casbah. Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T. In 1995, Mr. T was diagnosed with B-cell lymphoma but he pitied his own fool cells until the disease turned into T-cell lymphoma. Upon closer inspection by doctors, the cancerous T-cells now had mohawks, gold chains around their nucleus and were tired of the other cell's jibba-jabba. The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history. Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him. Mr. T was the first to kill two bird with one stone. He kept the stone, and as of now it has killed 6,048. Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain. Before Mr. T, the alphabet only had 25 letters. Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact, nothing but T's. Remember when Mr. T wasn't so popular and awesome? Me neither. They say when a bear is chasing a group of people, you don't have to outrun the bear, but only have to be faster than the slowest person. If Mr. T is chasing you, you're dead no matter what. Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a p*rnstar regains her v*rginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T. It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T. Mr. T's sp*rm is so strong it could impregnate a man. Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba. Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That's 100 fools pitied a second. Mr. T doesn't have internal organs. He had them removed to make more room for muscle The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Mr. T's neck was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayerbloke Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Regulator Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 lol ... hehe. love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
collease Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 quality Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pingpongpo Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 rofl!! It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T. Mr. T's sp*rm is so strong it could impregnate a man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torino101 Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syeldham Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 Mr T has never been to the saharan grasslands, because, in his own words, he "ain't gettin' on no plain, fool!". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 [ QUOTE ] In 1995, Mr. T was diagnosed with B-cell lymphoma but he pitied his own fool cells until the disease turned into T-cell lymphoma. Upon closer inspection by doctors, the cancerous T-cells now had mohawks, gold chains around their nucleus and were tired of the other cell's jibba-jabba. [/ QUOTE ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TriGGa Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 im sitttin here in tears .. that was hilarious! top post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris_B Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 I always wondered why Mr T didn't do an advertising campaign for British Airways... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
batterseaboy Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 Made me cry with with laughter!! Brilliant the attached was sent during the BA strikes in the Summer! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
felixthecat1 Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 [ QUOTE ] Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him. [/ QUOTE ] I'm lovin it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaddyDub Posted January 11, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 Im still laughing at these! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torino101 Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 Here are some more true facts on Mr.T The T virus in Resident Evil is based on what happens to a person when they are exposed overwhelming amounts of pity inflicted by Mr. T. There is currently no cure. One night Mr. T took a 10 p.m. train home. He still refuses to give it back. Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise. God was able to create the world in seven days only because he had the aid of Mr. T, a blow torch, and a musical montage. Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything can beat rock. Except Mr.T of course. Mr. T can walk on water. He can also walk on fire. His preference however, is to walk on fools. The briefcase in Pulp Fiction contained Mr. T's gold chains. Mr. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson. As a child MR. T used to go into the sewers of NY and hunt alligators. I know what you are thinking: “There are no alligators in the sewers of NY”. Yeah...Now! Google won't search for Mr. T because it knows you don't find Mr. T, he finds you. The only thing to survive a nuclear holocaust would be Mr. T and cockroaches - Mr. T does not like cockroaches... for that reason and that reason alone Russia and the USA agreed to reduce their nuclear arsenal. Mr. T was almost involved in a second car crash. To avoid the crash, he folded his arms and slowly shook his head. The car decided it was safer to avoid Mr. T. When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry. The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles. Contrary to popular belief, Mr. T was not beat by Sylvester Stallone in Rocky III. He actually lost to Stallone's stuntman, Chuck Norris. It took 5 hours of work by a dozen makeup artists to make Chuck Norris ugly enough to be a believable Stallone. Even with Chuck Norris, it was still necessary to use 3 metric tons of animal traquilizers to knock Mr. T out long enough for a 10 count. Mr.T has created a laxative. The box contains only a picture of Mr. T with his arms crossed but that image alone can make a person poo themselves. When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold. When in the presence of Mr.T a magic-8-ball ALWAYS predicts PAIN! Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at a restaurant's forgot his birthday. The last time Mr.T went hunting he got a 10 point buck, a white rhino and two bald eagles... He is no longer allowed into the Zoo. If you have ever beaten Mr. T at a game, you obviously didn't know the rules. Mr. T once fell into a pool of lava. He nearly drowned. Mr. T walked in front of a speeding bus. Needless to say, he was charged with 7 counts of manslaughter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walter_the_great Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 class Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pincher Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 Utterly fantastic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesB Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 Both outstanding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malagus Posted January 12, 2006 Report Share Posted January 12, 2006 fecking mint! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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