What a Dick.....

[John_Doe]

Vice-President Cheney to lead Bali firing squad

February 2006

Indonesia has invited US Vice-President Dick Cheney to lead a quail hunting expedition on the day Bali 9 ringleaders Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran are due to be executed. "We don't think he'll shoot any quails," said Indonesia's Attorney General, "but he might get a couple of mules."

The American public has been urging Cheney to go hunting with President BushCheney was an obvious choice for Indonesia. "For a start we know he won't miss," said one official, "so long as he's not actually aiming at the prisoners. Secondly, we're worried about media reaction to the executions, and we know the Vice President will make every effort to cover up the incident."

Vice President Cheney initially tried to suppress news he had shot his friend, lawyer Harry Whittington, in the face on a hunting expedition, but later said he shot the man because he thought Whittington possessed weapons of mass destruction. It has subsequently emerged that the accident occurred soon after Vice President Cheney received Whittington's legal bill.

There is speculation Cheney could face criminal charges for the shooting, but White House lawyers argue the Vice President has the right to shoot anyone he wants during the War on Terror.

Mr Cheney's victim says he still supports the right to bear arms, but now thinks there should be background checks for license holders. "I'm sure if the authorities had done checks on Dick, he never would have got a license when they found out how many killings he's authorised," Whittington said.

Whittington admits he was surprised when Mr Cheney shot him. "I've always said I'd take a bullet for the Vice President," he conceded, "but I never expected to take a bullet from the Vice President."