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If men were agony aunts (mild work warning)


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Dear Mr. Agony Aunt:

Q: My husband wants a threesome with my bestfriend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that

there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing -

your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer

together. Why not get some of your old collage roommates involved

too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with

your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform

oral on him.

Dear Mr. Agony Aunt:

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Sperm can help you loose weight and gives a great glow

to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to

perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you.

The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day.

Dear Mr. Agony Aunt:

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged.

The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with

other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress

relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember,

nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being

away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house too!).

Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his

stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you

and your best friend to perform oral on him.

Dear Mr. Agony Aunt:

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must

mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to

help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and

present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your

selfish guilt, perform oral on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Dear Mr. Agony Aunt:

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to

sleep never giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem.

Dear Mr. Agony Aunt:

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity

training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex

should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests

for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as

much as you should - he should never have to work to get you in the

mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by

performing oral on him.

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