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One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I 

don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to 


"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough 

for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me 

for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to 


The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time 

with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a 

big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she

tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't 

decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She 

wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get 

a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of 

diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must 

have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think

she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she 

doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the 

excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I 

think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't 

feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a 

baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.

You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for 

me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me  

added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the 

things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that 

b*tch knows I'm smarter than her.

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