sophiem Posted July 13, 2005 Report Share Posted July 13, 2005 Help! One of my bestest buddies has got herself a new fella after being single for quite some time, she's totally besotted and thinks the sun shines out of his arse! I met him for the first time last night and hated him imediately, he came across as a total w*nker! He's just left his partner of 12 yrs with whom he has 5 kids for my mate, so even before meeting him I thought he was an idiot. He's also got a drug problem, drink problem, gets deprsessed and self harms, has been in prison and is regularly involved in fights. He's only 25 and allready he's a totally messed up individual, I don't want my mate who's 22 to be dragged down by him - I can allready see them 5 years down the line in a council flat with no money, no jobs and a herd of kids. How do I make her see sense? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a4tdi130 Posted July 13, 2005 Report Share Posted July 13, 2005 Unfortunately some women seem to be attracted to this kind of person. Just because you don't like him, it doesn't mean she doesn't, and maybe the 5 year view you've got is actually what she wants...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kudos Posted July 13, 2005 Report Share Posted July 13, 2005 Just keep chipping away at her, she will realise sooner or later that your right. One of my mates got involved with a drug dealer a few years back and I knew of him because he'd previously been out within another of my friends. So I told my mate all the stories this other friend had told me about him but she didnt believe me and said "he's really a nice guy when you get to know him". Finally after 8 months or so they split up and she admitted I was right about him. Only recently he has started to worm his way back into her life, again I've warned her of this. To which she has taken massive offence to, so I've told her to her go b*****ks and ruin her life if thats what she wants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattR32 Posted July 13, 2005 Report Share Posted July 13, 2005 Cunningly provoke him in front of her to the point that he goes for you then kick his head in therefore being the hero and saviour all in one go. If you just keep moaning about him, she'll get hacked off and probably feel more inclined to stay with him. Women really are baffling at times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeNobody Posted July 13, 2005 Report Share Posted July 13, 2005 [ QUOTE ] He's just left his partner of 12 yrs with whom he has 5 kids [/ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] He's only 25 [/ QUOTE ] This should set alarm bells ringing, but I guess your friend would be blind to this if she really likes him. No doubt telling her of your concerns would cause friction between the two of you, but it might be worth doing (if you haven't already). Failing that, you'll just have to sit tight and be there for her when it goes tits up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeNobody Posted July 13, 2005 Report Share Posted July 13, 2005 [ QUOTE ] Women really are baffling at times. [/ QUOTE ] And if Sophie (DubBeGoodToMe) can't understand them, what chance have us blokes got? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophiem Posted July 13, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2005 I have to agree, us girlies can be rather baffling at times. The thing is, my mate is very sweet and hasn't really had a lot of experience in the boyfriend/bedroom department and so thinks that the sweet nothings he whispers in her ear are his true feelings and emotions, I have warned her that there are certain things a bloke knows he can say to a girl to get her into bed but she got really offended and told me he wasn't like that. I forgot to mention she's only known him for a month and he's allready telling her he loves her - pull the other one mate! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeNobody Posted July 13, 2005 Report Share Posted July 13, 2005 [ QUOTE ] I have warned her that there are certain things a bloke knows he can say to a girl to get her into bed but she got really offended and told me he wasn't like that. [/ QUOTE ] All blokes are like that to one degree or another - this early in the relationship there's only one thing on his mind, and I can guarantee it's not settling down How else does a 25 year old have 5 kids? [ QUOTE ] I forgot to mention she's only known him for a month and he's allready telling her he loves her - pull the other one mate! [/ QUOTE ] I suppose it's not totally unbelievable that he's fallen for her already, however I stand by my comments above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saab Posted July 13, 2005 Report Share Posted July 13, 2005 Nothing you can do. Much as you'd like to you can't shield the people you care about from all of life's nasties. If he is that bad then your friend will need your support sooner or later and the best thing you can do is make sure you're there for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bazza_g Posted July 13, 2005 Report Share Posted July 13, 2005 [ QUOTE ] Help! One of my bestest buddies has got herself a new fella after being single for quite some time, she's totally besotted and thinks the sun shines out of his arse! I met him for the first time last night and hated him imediately, he came across as a total w*nker! He's just left his partner of 12 yrs with whom he has 5 kids for my mate, so even before meeting him I thought he was an idiot. He's also got a drug problem, drink problem, gets deprsessed and self harms, has been in prison and is regularly involved in fights. He's only 25 and allready he's a totally messed up individual, I don't want my mate who's 22 to be dragged down by him - I can allready see them 5 years down the line in a council flat with no money, no jobs and a herd of kids. How do I make her see sense? [/ QUOTE ] Sounds like a job for Trisha Goddard - she'll have her seeing sense in no time at all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiftyPence Posted July 13, 2005 Report Share Posted July 13, 2005 Give it a couple of months and your mate will be saying how much of an a$$hole he is bla bla bla but FFS dont let her sleep with the 'multi-kid-fatherer' if she still has her cherry because then he will have totally ruined her life for all of 5 minutes of enjoyment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesB Posted July 13, 2005 Report Share Posted July 13, 2005 Why not give him a chance? Maybe no more than one chance, given his track record. I have friends who have been in trouble with drugs and fighting but have reformed and are probably stronger people than I am. And who knows, he may mean it when he says he loves her - I fell in love with my wife within 24 hours of meeting her. You can't interfere in your friend's life too much or she'll end up resenting you and you'll ruin your friendship. IMO sometimes people have to make their own mistakes, you just have to make sure you are there to pick up the pieces. The only exception might be if you thought he was going to harm her physically. Admittedly he sounds like a total no-hoper and will probably end up hurting her but I'm not sure you're going to win by getting between them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theduisbergkid Posted July 14, 2005 Report Share Posted July 14, 2005 [ QUOTE ] He's also got a drug problem, drink problem, gets deprsessed and self harms, has been in prison and is regularly involved in fights. [/ QUOTE ] Surely he has bad qualities too ? .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmj Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 Surely all you can do after gingerly warning her about him is to be a good friend and help pick up the pieces? Isn't that what friends are for? Then you can annoy her by saying "I told you so!!!" in a very grattifying way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bazza_g Posted July 15, 2005 Report Share Posted July 15, 2005 [ QUOTE ] And who knows, he may mean it when he says he loves her - I fell in love with my wife within 24 hours of meeting her. [/ QUOTE ] you old romantic, you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiftyPence Posted July 23, 2005 Report Share Posted July 23, 2005 So Dub, whats the latest? Has your mate ditched the down-and-outer or is she still infatuated with him and think the sun shines out of his a$$. We could really do without these kind of wasters in society IMO but i suppose it takes all sorts to make up this world Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skifly Posted July 23, 2005 Report Share Posted July 23, 2005 [ QUOTE ] I have warned her that there are certain things a bloke knows he can say to a girl to get her into bed but she got really [/ QUOTE ] Really? Would be interested to know what you think a bloke can say to get a woman into bed so easily...!?! Is she quite shy though - then she is probably just flattered that someone approached her in the right way and made her feel special for a bit. Is it worth getting her out on the town a little more and chatting with a load of friends a bit more? Helped a friend of mine who was notoriously shy... now she has much more confidence and can say no to dodgy blokes rather than just being flattered at the attention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophiem Posted July 26, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 Fifty - It's now ten times worse, she's really loved up and has abandoned all her mates, she never comes out any more as she's always too bust with the love of her life! Ah well, I've said all I can say, she won't listen, so I'm not going to push it - I guess I'll just have to be there for her when it all goes tits up! Skifly - She's not at all shy, very confident - but not much experience and sometimes a little naive. I've tried introducing her to other guys, but she doesn't like any of them, I think she's the type that thinks she can change bad boys! And trust me, there is plenty a bloke can say to get a girl into bed if the girl is silly enough to believe what they're hearing is true, I've seen it happen plenty of times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shark_90 Posted July 26, 2005 Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 It's sad to hear of someone decent losing the plot.. but unfortunately it happens. I've been where you are now and I've come to realise that you will only be resented for trying to point out to her how stupid she's being..all you can do is give it time and let her see what he's really like - eventually. Sorry love! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeilB Posted July 26, 2005 Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 Got to be cruel to be kind im afraid, let her find out what he's like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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