Jump to content

Never be without a chat up line again....

Mort

By Mort
in Rubber Room

 Share

Recommended Posts

Mort Newbie

Mort

Posted
Posted

Warning - some of these will make you instantly vomit....some for the girlies too...

If I could be anything I'd be a tear: Born in your eye, live on your cheek, and die at your lips.

I put a drop of tear in the ocean for you... and I'll stop loving you when you find that teardrop.

Can I get a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

Go up to the person and ask for their hand. Draw a line across it and explain that it"s a big river, and the bunny on this side (it doesn"t matter which side) really needs to get to the other side. Then tell the person how they think that bunny got across. And when they finally give up, give them puppy eyes and tell them that there was no bunny, but that you just wanted to hold their hand. (Awwwwww)

Does Levi's pay you for wearing those and looking that good?

Do you eat lots of Lucky Charms? Because you look magically delicious.

Why do you have to be so damn fine every single day? Can't you take a break and let me concentrate on something else for a change?

Excuse me, do you have a Band-Aid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you.

I may not be Wilma Flinstone, but I can sure as hell make your bed rock.

I lost my rubber duckie. Would you bathe with me instead?

I tried to find the perfect line to make you mine, sweetheart, but after searching all I could come up with was this look in my eyes and your hand in mine, and the words, will you be mine?

Hey baby, want to play fireman? We can stop,drop, and roll.

Have you got any room for an extra toungue in your mouth?

Don't stick out your tongue unless you intend to use it.

I lost my teddy bear... can I sleep with you?

Have sex with me and I promise never to talk to you again!

You've been a bad boy. Go to my room.

Sex is evil, Evil is sin, Sins are forgiven so stick it in.

Does your watch have a second hand? I want to know how long it took for me to fall in love with you.

Let's play hockey. I"ll be the net, and you can score.

Are those Guess jeans? 'Cause guess who wants to get into 'em.

You: Do you have a warrant out for your arrest? Them: No....why? girl: Because it has got to be a crime being so damn sexy.

Hey Baby, you want to come to my house and work on your math skills? We can add the bed, subtract the cloths, divide the legs and multiply!

Don't sweat the petty things... pet the sweaty things!

If beauty were time, you'd be an eternity.

The only thing your eyes haven't told me about you is your name.

Bbrrrr! My hands are cold. Can I stick them down your pants to warm them up?

Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?

I'm feeling kind of insecure right now. Could I have a hug?

You: You're perfect in almost every way, except you have one major flaw. Them: What's that? You: Your address. It needs to be the same as mine.

Can I have the directions to your heart?

Compared to you, the sun feels cold.

Sex is a killer...wanna die happy?

I know somebody who likes you but if I weren"t so shy, I"d tell you who.

What's better than roses on a piano? Tulips on an organ.

You're a twinkle in my eye and an angel from the sky.

I love baseball so take me home baby!

Oh, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to bump into you in an otherwise empty hallway knocking your books all over the place and making a complete fool out of myself for no apparent reason, other than the fact that my brain was rendered momentarily incapable of maintaining my body's homeostatic balance by the sight of your boundless, all-encompassing beauty, temporarily ripping from my grasp the ability to coordinate my movements, causing our two flesh-based shells to become one...perhaps it was the fickle hand of fate.

My bed is broken, can I sleep in yours?

I knew that my life DID have a purpose, but not until I looked into your eyes.

Your lips were made to be kissed, and I hate to see a good thing go to waste!

Did anyone ever tell you that you look kinda like the Zima guy?

Weren't you on America's Most Wanted last night?

Didn't I see you at the premiere of Ishtar?

Do these look real?

Good news, the test results are negative!

Excuse me... do you speak Klingon?

Honk! Honk!

I have eight cats.

Hey, you sweet hunk of stuff, what's shakin'?

I am not a queen but I'll give you something royal.

There was no color in the world until I met you.

It must be dark outside. 'Cause all the sunshine in the world is right here.

Don't walk into that building -- the sprinklers might go off!

Baby, when I saw you sit down, I got jealous of the chair.

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package!

Walk up behind your crush and tuck (or pretend to) in their shirt tag, and as they turn around you say: "There, NOW you're perfect."

If someone gives you the finger you say: "Is that a promise?"

If a star fell for every time i thought of you, the sky would be empty.

Kissing is a language of love....so how about a conversation?

Wow! You have big feet! Can I find out if what people say is true?

Don't worry, I don't get emotionally involved. It's just physical.

Do you like Stove Top stuffing? Great, you can stuff me on your stove top anytime.

You're hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!

I'd like to browse through your clothes like I browse through NETSCAPE!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go screw.

Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.

My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going...

I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

If you were a car, I'd wax you and ride you all over town.

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

My recipe for love is one cup of you, one cup of me, knead till hard, and serve hot.

You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala.

The fact that I'm missing my teeth just means that there's more room for your tongue.

Would you like to carry my books for me?

Would you be my refugee?

It's a new world order. Have your way with me.

You may have had breakfast for dinner but you should have me for breakfast.

Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.

Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

Did it hurt? (What?) When you fell from heaven.

Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?

If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

After hearing a pick-up line: I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.

What do you like for breakfast?

Would you like to have morning coffee with me?

Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?

Your place or mine?

Are we related? Do you want to be?

Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.

The best part of me is covered up.

Take a chance on me.

This is your lucky day, because I just happen to be single.

Oh, I'm doing fine! And you? (While looking at someone and waiting for them to say anything)

Aren't we supposed to get together for a candlelight dinner later tonight?

I like your shoes! Do you like mine??

That girl/guy I'm with, oh, she's/he's just my sister/brother.

You should be someone's husband.

Are you cold? You should be; you've been naked in my mind all night.

Hi, I'm a tawdry sl** looking for a good time.

Can you believe it? It's been more than fifteen minutes since I've had sex.

A guy comes up to a girl and tells her some pickup line. She grabs his crotch, looks down at it, looks back at him, and says, "Sorry, I don't see any potential here" and nonchalantly walks off.

HEY!!! KITTEN HOW ABOUT SPENDING SOME OF YOUR NINE LIVES WITH ME?

If I let you suck on my tongue would you be grateful?

Have you ever played spank the brunett.....wanna try?

I love you, you know.

Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.

Hi. Can I domesticate you?

Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited!

Your belt looks extremely tight. Let me loosen it for you.

Excuse me, is it true that you're a sexual tyrannosaurus?

When's our wedding date?

I've been a bad girl,so spank me!

Let's let only latex stand between our love.

Do you like chips? Because if you are frito lay than I am a barrel of fun!

Hi. My name is Laura. I'll be your play toy tonight.

Hey babe- pretend my pants is France and invade them.

Are you a virgin? (No.) Prove it!

You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."

Pick a number between 1 and 10. You lose now take off your clothes.

I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.

Hey I see your wearing clothes, I'm wearing clothes, you know we have something in common we should get together and do something sometime.

Is your boyfriend/girlfriend here? Is s/he on the roof? (No.) Then let's go to the roof!

I think my medication is wearing off.

Does my breath smell okay?

Ohhh, what a man...I bet you do real well with the ladies.

My bedroom has a very interesting ceiling. . .

Female to guy: Hi, you look like a real ****er. (pause for effect)

I'm easy, but it looks like you are hard.

I've been noticing you not noticing me.

Nothing like a man who knows how to whisper sweet "nothings".

Didn't I see you on the cover of GQ?

Do you have room in your life for another friend?

Nice pants, can I test the zipper?

Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?

If I were to borrow your glasses, could I see you home?

Could you tell me where they keep the rutabegas? Oh, thanks. Oh, by the way, what is a rutabega?

I wanna take out your pencil and stick it in my pencil case.

Uh, oh. My parents met at a place like this. Let's get the hell out of here.

I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1.

You MUST have a nice personality.

If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep in until the afternoon.

Hi. I'm horny.

Excuse me, but you've got a Wild Blocost on your shoulder! (What's a Wild Blocost?) How much do ya got?

So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?

All those curves, and me with no brakes.

Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world!

Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most goegeous man I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you.

You look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!

Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?

Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the guy with the beautiful smile.

I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!

I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.

I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?

I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.

I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.

If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

Let's take a shower together -- you smell.

Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!

So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the women excited and warm all over?

Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess(or prince) like you.

Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.

You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.

You're ugly but you intrigue me.

Hey, You were great on Bay Watch last night!

Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?

I may not be the best looking girl here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.

Hey, how did you do that? (What?) Look so good?

Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.

When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head on the floor...so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
mulkbear Newbie

mulkbear

Posted
Posted

M. Do you like chicken ?

w. Yes

m. Well suck my dick it is foul

-------------------------------

M. Can you drive

w. Yes

m. Well back on to this

-------------------------------

m. My watch can tell me if you are wearing under wear

w. Am i wearing under wear ?

m. No

w. Yes i am

m. Sorry my watch is 5 mins fast

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Mort Newbie

Mort

Posted
  • Author
Posted

[ QUOTE ]

Mort, don't take this the wrong way mate, but I assume you are either single and/or gay...? wink.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

You assume too much sir.... Married with two kids.... don't let the mincing spider man thing fool you....

beerchug.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Mort Newbie

Mort

Posted
  • Author
Posted

[ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]

Is that your best chat up line ?.... you'll have to do better than that... See top of this post for more help...

[/ QUOTE ]

Sorry Mort, here's one of yours;

"Can I have the directions to your heart?"

No? How about your bum?

[/ QUOTE ]

Oooh you are naughty.... but I like you... smlove2.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...