Rustynuts Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 [ QUOTE ] Think she knows it was nothing major and to be honest could've waited other than the constant drip drip dripping at night. [/ QUOTE ] How the hell does she know it wasn't possible to turn off the stop tap? There's usually a second shut off valve somewhere on the line, and plumbers always put them in the most obscure places!! You can't just stop a tap dripping by touching it with a certain tool. First thing is you have to turn the water off, then the job has to be done properly so it doesn't need doing again next month. Then, when you turn the water back on, it ALWAYS airlocks, and getting an airlock out is a long piece of string. Where's your sense of Bullsh1t, man. You might still make last orders. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Haha! Just had 2 bottles whilst watching the end of Big Brother! Things can't be good - i never watch big brother!! That Orla's not bad looking though is she?! No - not her short fuse that attracts me - all the other good bits. The good bits by far outweigh the bad bits. But the good bits are never put to the test like this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Ok guys, going to try and get some sleep now. Feeling okish at the moment - little bit lonely - it's just so quiet around here without her! Will let you know what happens tomorrow. Wish me luck. Cheers for the advice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesB Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 thanks mate! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparky Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Good luck mate. It will come good in the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ian_m Posted July 25, 2005 Report Share Posted July 25, 2005 Well it never even came close to marriage, but my ex was self centred and just couldnt see that she may possibly be to blame I got out as quickly as I could , obviously you care a lot about her, if you think its worth saving, then do all you can to make her see the light! I know I am hardly the right person to preach on relationships, but good luck buddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M3Will Posted July 26, 2005 Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 imho, it sounds like she's got you well and truly under the thumb. if you think this will be the only time something like this happens, you're wrong. the big thing is how you handle it now may well count for how things work out in the future. me personally, i'd be just like your best mate. dry your eyes mate....plenty more fish in the sea. just my $0.02 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chav Posted July 26, 2005 Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 [ QUOTE ] If your having problemslike this early on before marriage then dont fool yourself into thinking that they will go away or wontreoccur after you are married. Iv heard of people living together for years and then as soon as they get married they seem to change. You feel completely justified in what you had to do with regards to the plumbing but she cant see that and thinks that you should always put her first regardless of any crisis. This kind of attitude wont work. You obviously cant sit her down and make her understand this as your her man to be so coming from you will not be taken serious by her. Marriage is a lifetime committment and its not easy to get out of a bad one without even more heartache so instead of saying what the hell lets just get married and im sure it will be ok! i suggest you get it sorted before hand. By this i mean possibly go see a relate councillour/ marriage guidence to try to make each party understand what they feel and what they are expecting from one another. Rant over. Godd luck ( i know where your coming from) [/ QUOTE ] Mo, spot on. Wiser words are rarely spoken. Simon, FFS... if she throws tantrums like that all the time, get rid. Sorry to be blunt, but her behaviour in the initial post sounds bang out of order. Good luck though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted July 26, 2005 Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 No discussions? No compromises? No - "let's book a slap up meal at a posh restaurant tomorrow night"? Just goes off in a huff. Does she like being put on a pedestal, or have you (accidentally) put her on one? If so, you might find life together gets quite one-sided as time goes on. Her side. The "spoiled princess" description comes to mind. I always wanted to try out being one of these myself - but knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself if did - and I would be by myself, as who really wants someone like that in their lives? She sounds very self centred - or extremely insecure. If it is the former, then you have already had heaps of advice. If it is the latter - you two might need to have some long, deep discussions in the very near future. my 2c - I hope it might help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 26, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 Cheers for the words guys. Lets see what happens today. Like i said last night - i want it to work, and i'm pretty sure she does really. Just trying to punish me a bit last night. She has been really really stressed out with work and was just so glad to get a new job, and then i put the dampeners on it. I can see what you lot are all saying and understand, but can sort of see what she means too - i just shot her down straight away. Like i said, lets see what happens today. Thanks for the advice though - much appreciated! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saab Posted July 26, 2005 Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 Good luck Simon - hope you get it all sorted out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A3Floyd Posted July 26, 2005 Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 Simon, if it helps, I broke up with the missus 2 times in the 12 month lead up to our wedding last year. We both love each other to bits but the stress of the wedding, finances, etc. got the better of us and she left me twice. All we both needed at the end of the day was a bit of time-out from each other and the endless wedding-based arguments. All was worked out within a day or so and we're happily married now - we still argue about things every now and then but hey, who doesn't?!! Good luch mate, hope you can both work things out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 26, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 Saab - cheers mate. S3Floyd - that's what i'm thinking - it's very stressful plus we're both having a tough time at work. Until we bought the house not that long enough, an argument, either way was solved with a treat. If i upset her, i'd buy her something nice and her the same. If it was a mutual argument, we'd go out, watch a film, have a pizza or something - just chill out time - money was not really an object. Now though, finances aren't great with the wedding - current bill standing @ around £12,900 at my last estimate - just for one day - and we can't afford to do this. An argument just leaves us couped up the house together making each other angry - no £ to go out at the moment and make up this way - perhaps this is why she ran - just so we're out of each other's hair for a day or so. Just tried to call her but her phone's turned off. She works in a hospital so this is normal - will try her again after 12.30 and see what happens then. Was really weird waking up without her this morning! Even missed her 'its time to get up' jab to the ribs!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparky Posted July 26, 2005 Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 Personally, I'd let her call you mate. If I was in your situation, I feel she's slightly more in the wrong than you (if you are at all), so I would let her come round and speak to you first. From what I read, you had nothing but the best intentions, and she exploded. I'd not do the running - it may show you as weak to her. Apologies if I've got that wrong, but from my view, it shouldn't be you apologising. Either way, chin up mate, and good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saab Posted July 26, 2005 Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 I would ring her. She will now have had time to cool down and should be in a frame of mind to speak to you for a few minutes rationally. For the moment forget about who is wrong or right or running and chasing - after all you are shacked up together in a jointly owned house planning to marry. One of you has to be the mature one so why not you? The sooner lines of communication are open then the sooner you can get it all straightened out. This doesn't necessarily mean you need to apologise. What you do need to do when you are friends again is sit down and discuss what happened in a rational and emotionless way. Explain with reasons why you are not happy with the way she behaved and tell he you don't want her to act like that again. It may be the case that you split up temporarily or permanently but do not put yourslef in a situation where you cannot say that you did everything possible to make things work. If that means making the first move even when you don't think you should then so be it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 26, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 Just spoken to her - we're getting there and it's a start - we are speaking so that's always a start if nothing else! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarMad Posted July 26, 2005 Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 Lots of good advice so far. And as has already been said don't call her. I have read all of the above and all your comments and I hope you work it out, but I have my doubts to be honest. If she goes off in a huff after something as minor as this whats next ? A relationship/marrige is all about compromise and sorting things out togeather. Walking off to stay at her parents is none of these things. She was upset but in the big scheme of things I think she had no right to be. You could have gone out this evening instead and made a full night of it, why not ? If she doesn't think that she did anything wrong and its all your fault then you need to have a serious chat as to where the relationship is going IMO. If you don't sort things out now then things are only going to get worse and it will be you that will be hurting if you fear she is going to do this everytime she doesn't get her way. See what she says when she calls... if she says why didn't you call, remember she walked out on you and didn't want to discuss anything, you were ready to chat and sort things out. So you were only waiting for her to sort out what was wrong. And threats like 'maybe or maybe not come back' seriously made in an arguement erm .. that is not good. Things get a bit bumpy in every relationship, but you need to thing if a mountain is infront of you or just a big rock ? Hope you can sort things out Simon, but remember its a two way street and compromise from both of you is very important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 26, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 I know, thanx mate. Think we're getting there now, definately not back to normal as yet but then again, she's about 100 miles from me at this exact moment. Will see what happens tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saab Posted July 26, 2005 Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 [ QUOTE ] Just spoken to her - we're getting there and it's a start - we are speaking so that's always a start if nothing else! [/ QUOTE ] Good lad, facing your problems head on is always the best strategy by far. Have a think about what your overriding concerns are and try and separate them from more niggly insignificant issues. When you see her tonight make sure you stick to the important points - make sure she understands where you are coming from and that she accepts that they are important issues. Always have examples to back up what you are saying. Don't get diverted by more trivial matters or by her trying to get round you by being sweet. Let us know how it goes mate and good luck. Jamie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonb Posted July 26, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 Cheers Jamie - will keep y'all posted! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NewNiceMrMe Posted July 26, 2005 Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 Her walking out to stay at her parents does indeed seem rather drastic. Is there nothing else bubbling under the surface that might have tipped her towards this? Marriage, as CarMad said, is all about give and take. My wife and I fight like cat and dog - most weeks we'll have a big argument about something or other (mostly kids related!). However, when the argument is over, it's gone. None of us has ever walked out though. I see that as a major thing to do. However, you're the best judge in this scenario and the only advice I can really give is never to let yourself be stood on when you know you've done nothing wrong. If you do, it's all downhill from there and ultimately people will hurt you or you'll finally snap and leave. I hope it all pans out as you want - but for the best too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted July 26, 2005 Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 Hmmm - I was just thinking about this and how I'd probably handle it I think I'd be inclined to watch the fireworks, wait for my dad to come round & fix the plumbing, then I'd be off down the walkabout. In my experience stuff like that is a big, bad omen - I think I'd have zero tolerance of it unless it was over something important. By zero tolerance I just mean I'd let it go but then when everything's calm say something along the lines of 'yellow card - do that again and I'm out of here'. Next time - good bye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtf Posted July 26, 2005 Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 [girlie opinion] She sounds incredibly selfish to me. I know she was ecstatic about the new job but you tried your hardest to celebrate with her as well as sorting out other very important things. If she can't look any further than herself, i'm sorry to say that if you do get back together, you're going to keep falling out unless she stops being so spoilt. Sending someone flowers/chocolates/a card even when you weren't strictly in the wrong is very noble and for her to basically throw it back into your face is very unfair. I'd advise stepping right back and letting her contact you, by all means have a chat with her on the phone or in person but only if she engineers it. Stop running after her all the time and make it plain that this time, if she doesn't alter her behaviour, then it'll be all over. Basically, if it's meant to be then it'll find a way, if it's not then it's for the best. Good luck with it though [/girlie opinion] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparky Posted July 26, 2005 Report Share Posted July 26, 2005 Spot on WTF. Simon, as much as it might hurt, you constantly running to her will only make her think she can do this when she wants. This isn't mature and it will keep on hurting you. I really do hope things return to normal but I gave a girlfriend some space and waited on her and she came back with an apology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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