stewarta13wsb Posted September 27, 2005 Report Share Posted September 27, 2005 Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying, "And yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed." "OH DEAR GOD!" Mr. Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!" His staff sits stunned at this sudden outward display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands, almost sobbing. Finally, the president looks up and asks, "Just how many is a brazillion, anyway?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chav Posted September 27, 2005 Report Share Posted September 27, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AntW Posted September 27, 2005 Report Share Posted September 27, 2005 so good its been told twice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stewarta13wsb Posted September 27, 2005 Author Report Share Posted September 27, 2005 [ QUOTE ] so good its been told twice [/ QUOTE ] Sorry!! Missed it - how about this as a replacement... It was a dark and stormy night Late last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange noise....... BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road. BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ He froze to the spot, he couldn' t believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....It was a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home. BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster......... BUMP........BUMP...... BUMP........BUMP.. BUMP........BUMP...... The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him...... BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... He started to sprint, but so did the coffin ....... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP. BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP. Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and slumped into his comfy chair. Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase..... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........ BUMP...SCREECH...HOP..BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges..... The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad. BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet...... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin.......still it came ....... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ....still it came...... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH... He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it .....still it came...... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........ The coffin stopped Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syeldham Posted September 27, 2005 Report Share Posted September 27, 2005 Poor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stewarta13wsb Posted September 27, 2005 Author Report Share Posted September 27, 2005 [ QUOTE ] Poor. [/ QUOTE ] sorry... got a better one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syeldham Posted September 28, 2005 Report Share Posted September 28, 2005 I criticise, not create. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jsparkesuk Posted September 28, 2005 Report Share Posted September 28, 2005 [ QUOTE ] I criticise, not create. [/ QUOTE ] Cracking line Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syeldham Posted September 28, 2005 Report Share Posted September 28, 2005 You can shut up oo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jsparkesuk Posted September 28, 2005 Report Share Posted September 28, 2005 [ QUOTE ] You can shut up oo! [/ QUOTE ] You mean "too" i guess? Yes i'm being a pedantic b4stard back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syeldham Posted September 28, 2005 Report Share Posted September 28, 2005 No, I meant "oo!" - An expression of anger and resentment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jsparkesuk Posted September 28, 2005 Report Share Posted September 28, 2005 [ QUOTE ] No, I meant "oo!" - An expression of anger and resentment. [/ QUOTE ] Sure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syeldham Posted September 28, 2005 Report Share Posted September 28, 2005 And you didn't even notice the subtle addition of the t to mean - you fool! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted September 28, 2005 Report Share Posted September 28, 2005 Oh Christ. Is it me or do we have a surrealist beez on our hands? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syeldham Posted September 28, 2005 Report Share Posted September 28, 2005 Beez? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparky Posted September 28, 2005 Report Share Posted September 28, 2005 Bless you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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