syeldham Posted October 23, 2005 Report Share Posted October 23, 2005 A few days ago, I hate a chat by PM with Audi_Smitten, and I think that the time has come to 'come clean' as it were, and explain (attempt to, at any rate) myself. Aside from this jaw business, I have a few problems, as I suppose everyone does. At uni, and worried - not about missing people, but because I don't really miss people like I expected to. This can be explained logically by the simple reason that I am a (and I quote) "schitzophrenic with a psychotic disorder". This I can cope with, but today (a few days ago now) at the medical centre I could see the screen with my details on it of medical history and the like. Underneath this bit it had "SUICIDE RISK: HIGH". Been thinking about how bad the situation is, and whilst I can explain my thought process as part of my religion (a kind of pre-occult paganism (don't ask, but the simple idea is that the balance of nature has been destroyed by man (who else) and, as man is not the central focus the balance must be restored (you may notice that I will always pray for the dead, but cannot ask for assistance to the living) and this effectively means let the humans die out - I had a fine time at September 11th and other dates like that - not knowing what to say, but I thought it might lie deeper than that. And so I've examined my past mistakes. And there have been a lot. I don't want to bore you with the details, but every relationship I've been in has collapsed suddenly and with no warning, which sucks a bit, but things like the fact that my ladyfriend of almost a year broke up with me on the very day that I got my results (when I should have been celebrating) simply saying "It won't work over such a distance.". Finally, and most upseting of all was the child that I almost had, and that ruined not quite a few lives forever. You know the standard essex drill - one too many drinks, one too few brain cells and then suddenly you have a murder on your conscience every waking hour of every day- it's always in my mind somewhere. And this has made me what I am today. An arrogant inward reaching idiot who can only pretend to enjoy himself. I'm sorry that you had to read this. You don't have to reply in any way if you don't want to. Just thanks for reading. It just clears the air a little, I suppose. I don't know what you make of this, and not wishing to sound dramatic at all (I flew off the handle at Chri5, for this, you may remember) but this may be one of my last few posts on here... Thanks for reading. Stephen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ian_m Posted October 23, 2005 Report Share Posted October 23, 2005 As I said to you before Stephen, People on here are good listeners and have some great advice to give!!! You dont need to make this your last post+++ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riz Posted October 23, 2005 Report Share Posted October 23, 2005 Im a good listener dude.... dont go..... Why do we fall in life..... to get back up again.... Smile and the world will smile back at you.... You may lack inner strength at time but it IS there... search deep within yourself..... Riz **big hug** p.s. its a real bummer when they dump you... i got dumped via text.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malagus Posted October 23, 2005 Report Share Posted October 23, 2005 The guys here on TSN really are great listeners, and pretty much everyone is willing to help with a problem. dont be a stranger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparky Posted October 23, 2005 Report Share Posted October 23, 2005 Stephen, We all have issues, that will range in importance/severity from person to person. Life deals some unfair cards (being dumped etc), but that it where you learn, become stronger for it, and move on. If everyone gave up when it got tough going, it would make for a pretty dull existence. There are so many different characters on TSN, so there's no point saying this may be your last post. Too many good people on here who are good with advice and will listen, either through the forum/PM or in person. So what if you've sounded off in a post - many people have and they just take the flack, chill out a bit and carry on. No point letting things get to you. You only have one shot at life - make it a good one. Don't give up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saab Posted October 23, 2005 Report Share Posted October 23, 2005 Chin up bro - you'll always have mates and people who'll listen on here. When I went to uni I felt very displaced and I supposed looking back I was fairly fcuked up for most of the first year but it did get much better. And in general most of my relationships have ended quite disasterously or acrimoniously - I don't think that's unusual - makes you feel like shite at the time of course - incidently I was also dumped by text message - very classy! And not one of the methods recommended by the Paul Simon in "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover" if I recall the song accurately. Anyway dunno what to say really mate other than we all sometimes have low days or periods - often things aren't as awful as you can make yourself think they are. Anyway take it easy and stay in touch Jamie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimdiesel Posted October 23, 2005 Report Share Posted October 23, 2005 Stephen, The fact that you have written what you wrote is a major step in the right direction. Must have taken some guts as well. Keep looking for the positives and everything generally works out. Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rustynuts Posted October 23, 2005 Report Share Posted October 23, 2005 Stephen, I'm gonna take a guess here and say "This is the first internet forum you've been on, isn't it?" Well, take yourself off to a couple of others, and see what a pack of twats there are on some other forums. Then, have a good think about why you want to talk to a bunch of complete strangers (and idiots aswell) and you'll realise that this forum has a very special feel to it. It's not something you can really put into words, either. If you feel the need to leave, then the door doesn't lock behind you and you can always come back. Oh, and suicide is a bad way of ending things. Not an option! OK? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted October 23, 2005 Report Share Posted October 23, 2005 [ QUOTE ] So what if you've sounded off in a post [/ QUOTE ] Dude, if that's the best sounding off you can do you need to try a bit harder Just ask MrMe Everyone has their issues, and there's a lot to be said about what doesn't kill you makes you stronger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davidhodgkinson Posted October 23, 2005 Report Share Posted October 23, 2005 [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] So what if you've sounded off in a post [/ QUOTE ] Dude, if that's the best sounding off you can do you need to try a bit harder Just ask MrMe Everyone has their issues, and there's a lot to be said about what doesn't kill you makes you stronger [/ QUOTE ] Re: Okay, here goes nothing... or it will make you hide in a corner. Thanks to TSN i'm starting to come out of my shell and comunitcate with strangers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syeldham Posted October 23, 2005 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2005 Been avoiding reurning to this thread... But I appreciate the echoed sentiments, thank you very much. I have been on other internet forums and this is the first one I have found "home-like" in a sense. I'm not about to kill myself - I give myself six months, contemplate, and then see if I can get through the next six. It doesn't sound like a good system, but it works (has so far at least). Thanks, Stephen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riz Posted October 23, 2005 Report Share Posted October 23, 2005 Dude.. look how long ive been around... nearly 6 years on here... its not a bad place to be..... there are always good and bad things in life... take strength from the good and fight the bad. If you need owt gimme a shout.... Riz **big hugs** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NewNiceMrMe Posted October 23, 2005 Report Share Posted October 23, 2005 [ QUOTE ] Just ask MrMe [/ QUOTE ] You were my inspiration all along. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted October 23, 2005 Report Share Posted October 23, 2005 [ QUOTE ] I'm not about to kill myself - I give myself six months, contemplate, and then see if I can get through the next six. It doesn't sound like a good system, but it works (has so far at least). [/ QUOTE ] That sounds very similar to plans for tackling depression... although it's usually one day at a time rather than 6 months. Also other basic things like not reading/watching the news & stuff can help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syeldham Posted October 23, 2005 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2005 One day at a time doesn't work, because I focus on the bad things in the immediate, whereas after a while the good surfaces, so I leave it a bit longer - otherwise I get halfway through a day and it folds up on me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randellp Posted October 24, 2005 Report Share Posted October 24, 2005 Sgt Pag, don't feel bad for sharing your thoughts & feelings with us, this is a good place to air them and I hope you feel better for it. My question is:- this is a car forum, what do you drive? The reason I ask is because when I was having a rather particularly bad time a few years back, I spent £750 I couldn't really afford on a 205 GTI. I used to zoom around the place listening to the same Feeder album waiting for the track Just a Day to play. Because it made me, simply, happy. I spent a lot of time in and under that car, and many hours online and with like-minded friends I met talking about it. The car gave me a lot of focus to take my mind off what was going on in my head and helped me through a lot of pain. Good luck mate, it looks like you need to sort out a few things, which I am sure you will given time. PM me if you want to let loose some more, because I know how valuable aa sympathetic ear is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John_Doe Posted October 24, 2005 Report Share Posted October 24, 2005 [ QUOTE ] One day at a time doesn't work, because I focus on the bad things in the immediate, whereas after a while the good surfaces, so I leave it a bit longer - otherwise I get halfway through a day and it folds up on me. [/ QUOTE ] Sarge, don't beat yourself up matey. At some stages in our varied lives we all have crosses to bear and we cannot be jumping through hoops and being the life and soul of the party all of the time either. Take stock of what is important to YOU.. Concentrate on the positives and spend less time on the negatives, I have been there and it can be a struggle and don't assume you haven't got a role to play in this life because you have. Above all, be sincere to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soulboy Posted October 24, 2005 Report Share Posted October 24, 2005 I wish I knew what to say....but I dont really. Just know that people on here do care. We've all been there at some time, or will do in the future. Anyone who thinks differently is very naieve. I would suggest you dont try and think too hard about life, but just try to live it. And a great way to get rid of negative thoughts, is physical activity and an element of danger . If you have never taken up an extreme sport, this may be the time to start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomk Posted October 26, 2005 Report Share Posted October 26, 2005 i think this is even more reason for a good TSN piss up all good blokes on here , life gets us down we all have our storys but here is mine, ive love and lots 3 times in the past - all very very hard, ive quit uni and jobs, had problems with family BUT ive become a firm beliver that everyhting happeneds for a reason and leads you on to something better, at the moment im in a good job paying 20 grand well its ok i suppose , epople are nice , but i have a lovely GF and am about to buy a house Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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