AZURES3 Posted April 26, 2006 Report Share Posted April 26, 2006 Guys Following on from this post Gutted my wife has decided she wants to split and go and get her own place and lead her own independant life. She does not want to file for divorce straight away and I respect her honesty throughout this but it hurts like F*** AZ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bazza_g Posted April 26, 2006 Report Share Posted April 26, 2006 crikey fella, sorry to hear the bad news - can't imagine for a min what you're going through. All I can say is chin up and keep hopeful for the future Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shark_90 Posted April 26, 2006 Report Share Posted April 26, 2006 Az - can't imagine how you're feeling mate. I know it doesn't seem like it at the moment but it might be just what she needs to clear her head. A friend of mine split with her husband, they had two kids and she totally didn't want him. 2 difficult years later and they've been back together now for quite a while now and everything is good for them. All I'm trying to say is that it might not be the end.. it sounds like you have a lot of respect for your wife and if you keep it that way, you never know how it might turn around. All the best mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhyds Posted April 26, 2006 Report Share Posted April 26, 2006 Gutted mate, I can't even begin to think what you'r going through Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruiser647 Posted April 26, 2006 Report Share Posted April 26, 2006 Sorry to hear there is no way back. so...... Get out whilst it is still friendly. The longer it drags, the more acrimonious it will get. Don't feel sorry for yourself - as that does not help anyone - especially you. Tell her that you will file for divorce BUT also tell her that you do NOT intend to use a solicitor, as that will make everything worse. See if you can agree on what/how to split things. Be business like - with no feelings (they spoil your judgement). I know that will be hard, but she will take the pi5s if you are too soft. The sooner the better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruiser647 Posted April 26, 2006 Report Share Posted April 26, 2006 Forgot to mention about money. Start saving your money in a seperate account. Do so slowly and stealthily. She might be doing the same, but don't say anything about it. If you have any shares (and she knows about them) - sell them and put the money into an account - maybe in a freinds name??? Same if she does not know about them - as if she gets a solicitor in, they will can find the shares. Sorry to sound so harsh, but this is the way you have to play it. No one will be looking out for your interests apart from you. You are your number 1 priority. Make sure any loans are paid off from the proceeds for the house sale (if you have to sell it) before the money is split. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NewNiceMrMe Posted April 26, 2006 Report Share Posted April 26, 2006 AZ, I'm sorry to hear this. I followed your other thread but didn't post on it because I couldn't think of anything I could really add that would help. All I can say on this one is to let her know exactly how you feel. If that doesn't prevent her leaving, then you've little choice but to let it happen and see what comes from there, as hard as that sounds. If she is saying the wants to lead her own independant life and not file for divorce straight away though then my advice would be to sit down and ask her what she sees as the difference. It's important and you don't want to be left in limbo. Hurt of this kind is always painful and tears you apart inside out - so the sooner the hurt is digested and allowed to run the better. Keep the nail hovering and not hitting it hard just doesn't help in my experience. I've been through a divorce, albeit initiated by myself, and no words telling you it'll be easy can be justified. However, you do come out of divorce a better person in my opinion - and in time, as cliche and as awful as it sounds, you do heal and you do move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted April 26, 2006 Report Share Posted April 26, 2006 Time heals everything... Very tough and i'm sad to hear of your situation. All the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saab Posted April 26, 2006 Report Share Posted April 26, 2006 Sorry mate. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Problem_Child Posted April 26, 2006 Report Share Posted April 26, 2006 I'm sorry to hear that. It's not much fun, especially if you've not done anything to cause it. It's difficult but try to remove anything that reminds you of her, I ended up living in a place we'd bought and furnished together for 18 months and living with all those reminders almost drove me insane to start with. Also don't let her leave anything for you to look after, that way she's got no reason to "just pop round" for something. If possible get her to leave her key behind- I'm not saying things will go missing but at least you've got control. And don't think it's the end of your life- it's just the closing of a chapter. I couldn't imagine living without my ex, now I couldn't even tell you the last time I saw her. Frankly the divorce can't come soon enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AZURES3 Posted April 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 26, 2006 Thanks guys, I am in Edinburgh for 2 days and out in the town tonight so I will have a few beers and enjoy the night. I have 2 of my team with me so it should be a nice change. AZ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted April 26, 2006 Report Share Posted April 26, 2006 feel for you Az, i couldnt really add to the other thread, so remained a reader. best of luck for the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FuntimeFrankie Posted April 26, 2006 Report Share Posted April 26, 2006 AZ, I've been in your situation twice, once a marriage, another was a long term relationship (evil bitch from Wales!!!!), anyway, I know how you feel, its gut wrenching. When it happened to me the second time, I was miles from friends and family, had nobody to talk to, and ended up hitting the bottle. What made it worse was we continued to stay in the same house until it was sold 6 months later! BUT...... whatever happens, you DO get over it, honestly, it just takes a little time. Speak with friends/TSN whatever, go out and do anything to take your mind off it, stay away from too much alcohol. And one day, fairly soon, you'll have a smile back on your face Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie123 Posted April 27, 2006 Report Share Posted April 27, 2006 I'm so sorry to hear about this AZ I don't really know what to say, but I think everyone else seems to have given some good advice. Hoping the best for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AZURES3 Posted April 27, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 27, 2006 Cheers guys. AZ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soulboy Posted April 28, 2006 Report Share Posted April 28, 2006 PM'd you matey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danksy Posted April 28, 2006 Report Share Posted April 28, 2006 Az, I feel so sorry for you mate. I think you should work on "influencing" her family to get THEM to suggest that you go to relate. A good friend of mine went when his relationship hit rock bottom (he moved out for 2 months). They now have been together for 5 more years. I hope everything works out for you mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AZURES3 Posted April 29, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 29, 2006 I have tried this but she is not interested, that is what is so frustrating and upsettin me and my parents. She is moving out on Tues/Wed and started to pack her stuff yesterday. I have been to see a solicitor and will be starting the proceedings soon, wife has agreed this is the best way forward. AZ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruiser647 Posted April 30, 2006 Report Share Posted April 30, 2006 Don't be soft and emotional. But on the otherhand, don't be inflexible when it comes to the proceedings. Always be nice (up to a point) to her, and make sure you tell your family this as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallachie Posted April 30, 2006 Report Share Posted April 30, 2006 That's a shame Az, hope it works out okay in the long run though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allanon_1980 Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 Know how you feel ! Was going out with my girlfriend for 8 years and we split before christmas. Im still not totally right to be honest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dadstoys Posted May 9, 2006 Report Share Posted May 9, 2006 Dont bother with RELATE. Absolute pot luck if you get an ex-divorcee thats not a man-hater. Not that my personal experience is a true reflection on all their volunteers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baggy Posted May 12, 2006 Report Share Posted May 12, 2006 [ QUOTE ] Dont bother with RELATE. Absolute pot luck if you get an ex-divorcee thats not a man-hater. [/ QUOTE ] I don't think that's really fair, my (limited) experience has been quite different. It's not really on telling someone not to bother with councelling when it might be the best thing they ever did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saab Posted May 12, 2006 Report Share Posted May 12, 2006 [ QUOTE ] Dont bother with RELATE. Absolute pot luck if you get an ex-divorcee thats not a man-hater. [/ QUOTE ] Very helpful - any alternative suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dadstoys Posted May 13, 2006 Report Share Posted May 13, 2006 [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] Dont bother with RELATE. Absolute pot luck if you get an ex-divorcee thats not a man-hater. [/ QUOTE ] I don't think that's really fair, my (limited) experience has been quite different. It's not really on telling someone not to bother with councelling when it might be the best thing they ever did. [/ QUOTE ] AS I SAID: not that my personal experience is a true reflection of all their volunteers - but it was with the one I had, everything was still raw with her and it didn't help me or the ex. Suggest you make some discreet enquiries for the name of a recommended counsellor - and ask for them by name, and/or speak to close trusted friends that have been through it and come out the other side. Time is a great healer. Its absolutely awful at the beginning, but with time and acceptance, you will move on and everyone will be telling you, it does get better. A lot better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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