RedRobin Posted February 19, 2008 Report Share Posted February 19, 2008 Topic inspired by DigimeisTTer's thread "Internet Dating".... Too many people dismiss such internet encounters as doomed and that anyone communicating on the net with someone they haven't ever met must be either desperate or a perv or both! Taking TSN as an example, some of us build very friendly 'relationships' with other members via only our posts. Often we may never meet but I'm sure that many of us here have felt a degree of friendship through just our written exchanges. And then we happen to meet in person at a TSN meet and find that we still relate very well and our feelings of friendship are there in real life. Without mentioning names (and risking them telling me to feck off and they really detest me but have been pretending purely out of politeness!), I consider more than just one or two TSNers as real friends who I can share enjoyable time with outside TSN. So, by transferring that same principle of exchanges with members of the opposite sex or citizens from the planet Venus, there's no justifiable reason that a relationship won't work. It might not work because of reasons of distance or after meeting face-to-face etc but that's nothing to do with what brought you together in the first place. I use MySpace on a regular daily basis as an internet place to present and offer my music. It also allows me to conveniently stay in touch with friends overseas whom I already know in person. I also use it to network with others whose music I like. There are also people on MySpace who love music but don't play and I welcome their interest in my music. Whether musicians or not, a particularly friendly 'relationship' can develop - Some fade away but some continue and are only based on posted Comments and written exchanges (like PM's here). The instrument I play seems to attract more females than males, but I'm not complaining!! Interestingly (to me) I have fallen into a very regular and enjoyable exchange with a young lady (not too young!! - Late 30's). Neither of us are seeking a committed relationship but we are just going with the flow and it's turning into a free-flowing tap! There are no expectations and we may never meet, but it doesn't matter - We value our friendship and enjoy it. We are obviously very kindred spirits. And yes - We do know what each other looks like from numerous photos. And no - I'm not going to post any! I believe that someone's true character actually can come across via just the written word and their photos. Do you guys and girls think that this is all dangerous rubbish or do you think similarly to myself?.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chav Posted February 19, 2008 Report Share Posted February 19, 2008 Mate, it's complete poppycock. It's very easy to let your imagination run wild. You cannot get to KNOW someone via the web. ...Yes you learn stats about them, and yes you can predict their responses after a while, but you really can't tell if you like them or not in the real world from it. You can't predict their mannerisms, the tone of their voice, their body language and you can't tell how attracted to them you are. All stats are useless in that respect, attraction is an in-person it's-there-or-it's-not thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpsmith Posted February 21, 2008 Report Share Posted February 21, 2008 I partly agree with this and partly dont. I think that you absolutely have to fancy the person full stop or it wont work. In saying that, why do people who work with each other end up dating when they admit that they would never have tried to make contact with them had they seen them elsewhere. There is definitely a requirement to fancy someone in the flesh but there are also other things that can form an attraction too that might make up for an element of the looks thing. I have not dated online but dont have an issue with it tbh. I have dated people who I have approached whilst out and about that I have found very attractive indeed, only to find out that I dont like them at all as a person. On the other hand I have dated people that I am attracted to but they are not as smart as the aformentioned but are much more attractive with the added qualities of their personality. Its like building a kit car based on a Metro! You can whack whatever body you like on it but if what's underneath is crap then its just pointless!?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRobin Posted February 21, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2008 ....Thanks for the replies, guys . Chav - Whereas I totally agree with real attraction being based on reality such as mannerisms, body language, voice, etc, You can begin to get to know someone via the web. You can find that you are attracted, obviously initially by someone's photos but then by what you might subsequently share via writing and then possibly by phone conversation. All this 'attraction' might instantly nose-dive on actual meeting but not always necessarily. As I thought I made clear in my original post, the example I'm using is not from an internet dating site but is based on an extremely real shared interest and enjoyment of music. Things happen for a reason, so I believe, and I always live my life just going with the flow - It takes me to wonderful places and gives me wonderful experiences. As bpsmith says - Looks is very important but not absolutely everything. Believe it or not, looking at me, I've had relationships with some real 'lookers' but many have lacked personality. I'm not interested in awesome personality without a high degree of physical attraction either. Real beauty shines from within. Serious relationships can start to evolve before actually meeting someone. I'm not looking for a committed relationship in any case - I'm far too comfortable with my cave and all my freedoms. Right now I'm just enjoying going with the flow and enjoying life as it comes - I don't have any preconceptions which hold me back from doing so. All this describes how I am but I wondered what others felt about internet encounters. There is more to the web than dating sites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zerologic Posted February 21, 2008 Report Share Posted February 21, 2008 I have recently split from my girlfriend of 4 years. We met online. Not on a dating site but one of the early social networking sites in the days before facebook. We chatted for a few months online, this progressed to texts and phone calls then we met up and it went from there. We had 4 very happy years together helped by the fact i think, that we started chatting due to common interests. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRobin Posted February 21, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2008 ....Although that relationship has now ended, the thing is that you clearly had a very happy 4 years together and it would appear you have absolutely no regrets and probably quite the contrary. You're a living example of the fact that sometimes a meaningful relationship can start on the web. Even if it had just remained a distant friendship, that can still be a beautiful thing to have had. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zerologic Posted February 21, 2008 Report Share Posted February 21, 2008 You are right, no regrets and many happy memories. I know of a few other couples who met online and are still going strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bells0 Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 I started speaking to a girl over FB about 6 weeks ago. We finally arranged to meet, and have started seeing each other quite a bit. I am quite shy until i get to know someone, and have never been the type to go up and chat to a girl when out. So this was the perfect way for me to break the ice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 [ QUOTE ] I started speaking to a girl over FB about 6 weeks ago. We finally arranged to meet, and have started seeing each other quite a bit. I am quite shy until i get to know someone, and have never been the type to go up and chat to a girl when out. So this was the perfect way for me to break the hymen. [/ QUOTE ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nelson_R32 Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 Hahahaha Mac Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danksy Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 Mac you bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calm Chris Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 [ QUOTE ] I believe that some one's true character actually can come across via just the written word and their photos. [/ QUOTE ] No, no and no. Full comprehension of personality, character, mannerisms, attitudes, feeling and thoughts can only be ascertained by direct contact. Lets consider the number of people that had direct contact for years, and then discovered some thing they don't like about the person and hence the friendship dissolves. How can you, as a worldly wise man of years think that the true person CAN be communicated via electronics and the odd photo. For once you have made me near speechless And if what you said within the quotes was true everyone would think I'm a total %unt, and yet I'm a nice person (honest) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bells0 Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] I started speaking to a girl over FB about 6 weeks ago. We finally arranged to meet, and have started seeing each other quite a bit. I am quite shy until i get to know someone, and have never been the type to go up and chat to a girl when out. So this was the perfect way for me to break the hymen. [/ QUOTE ] [/ QUOTE ] LOL Mac - spot on!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hopsta Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 Lets face it, whether it's via the interweb or the local boozer, us men are never going to understand women Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRobin Posted February 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] I believe that some one's true character actually can come across via just the written word and their photos. [/ QUOTE ] No, no and no. Full comprehension of personality, character, mannerisms, attitudes, feeling and thoughts can only be ascertained by direct contact. [/ QUOTE ] ....Please read my words again, Chri5, in their context and you'll see, I think, that I agree that "full comprehension" needs to be "ascertained by direct contact". I was saying that one can START to assess a lot of truth about someone before meeting them. Perhaps it also depends on how well your intuition is developed and how astute you are. But as Hopsta suggests, what does it matter if you can never understand those creatures from Venus anyway! . I'm not fluent in Venutian but I can speak enough to get me by quite well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silentandy Posted February 24, 2008 Report Share Posted February 24, 2008 You can get an idea of someone's personality online, but as others have said you can't really tell if you are attracted to someone until you have spent time with them in person. That said I met my gf (who you met in Bicester Robin) through randomly chatting online over 6 years ago and we are still together now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRobin Posted February 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2008 ....Agreed, Andy. There must have been something strong which you felt about her online before you met, even if you didn't recognise what at the time. And I hope you won't take this in the wrong way when I say that I thought your gf is gorgeous. Whether I want to be or not, I am very regularly online with a special lady. We may never meet as she's 1,200 miles away! But we are both enjoying our exchanges very much and both just going with the flow. It's silly to deny any chance for 'encounters' to develop or not and one doesn't have to be on a mission to find a gf in order to enjoy whatever a 'relationship' might offer, be it virtual or real, it's all part of enjoying life. I 'met' a really cool American Black lady online about 5 years ago and we have never met but we consider each as good friends. In fact she got me the job as an Adobe Pre-Release tester for the Creative Suite. I'm currently on CS4 and loving it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChadW Posted February 24, 2008 Report Share Posted February 24, 2008 Have had no probs. meeting girls on the internet, mostly cause they are from the ex-USSR, some are very naive and unaware of meeting strange men, while others are genuinely interested in meeting more people from the west yet know the dangers as such. Scammers aside, and yes I can tell them a mile off, they are genuine and very wordly people to meet, probably because the USSR had about 12 time zones and Russia itself has 11, they have no qualms meeting up wherever needed. Also their collective psyche is the same, some say cold, but at least you know where you stand in the relationship. Sometimes you can laugh at their brashness and sometimes they agree and laugh too, so its all just show really just takes time to 'warm' them up a bit. Had one long distance relationship with a Russian lady but due to new UK visa restrictions put in place last summer and logistics of getting to western Siberiea it had to end. Now I have meet Irina in the Ukraine which is logistically great as I can get there dead easy via Germany, even direct to the Crimea! Hopefully this one will work in the end (Ukraine joining the EU will help) and another successfull internet encounter is made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRobin Posted February 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2008 .... Chad! I think I remember you posting about her. A while ago, partly out of curiosity and partly because I got fed up of one or two friends encouraging it, I went on one of the internet dating sites. I generally found that I got ignored by those I found attractive and approached by those who were definitely unattractive or, surprisingly, too young (in their 20's; I was in my late 50's). I got approached by a young Russian but was suspicious and found out she was a known scammer. I wasn't and I'm still not seeking a partner but I do love women (most of the time!) - I love happy women and can't stand miserable ones! Because the atmosphere of the dating site was....well, full of people actively seeking a partner, I quickly gave it up. The current lady who has definitely got my attention, is Polish and we are definitely kindred spirits. Also her pics look very attractive to me and honest and reflect a person who matches with her words. I can read faces even from photos. I'm not on a mission but just enjoying life as it comes, both on and off line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpsmith Posted February 25, 2008 Report Share Posted February 25, 2008 And why not fella!?! Nothing wrong with living your life and getting the most out of it, and certainly no reason to tie yourself down to a serious relationship if its not what your after. Hope it goes well for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vagabond Posted February 25, 2008 Report Share Posted February 25, 2008 All power to you RR. I'm all for people getting it on...be it on the net or elsewhere. I'm a firm believer in 'love is where you find it' if, you are fortunate enough to meet the said young lady, i hope you both find the chemistry that only meeting face-to-face can bring Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRobin Posted February 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2008 .....Thanx fastlad and bp! It's like the lovely Polish lady says: Everything happens for a reason, whether we know that reason or not. Meanwhile I'm enjoying the feeling of having a very warm and valuable friendship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChadW Posted February 25, 2008 Report Share Posted February 25, 2008 Yep enjoying it here too RR despite it being long distance, just a geat feeling that someone out there no matter where does think of you in a special way. Met up with Irina over last xmas and will we be meeting up again end of April. Counting down the days as I type. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRobin Posted June 3, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2008 Well, I'm feeling as high as a kite! Having first heard from my Polish lady friend in early January and having exchanged countless messages and emails, often several a day, she suggested we speak on Skype (first time I've used it) and we just had our first hour long chat. I'm a bit slow aren't I - She was laughing at how long it took for us to talk. She's a lot younger than me (37yo to my 60yo) and I think that I was over conscious of not wanting to appear 'after' her like a typical internet predator. But, as she says, (in that sexy Eastern European accent :drool: ) - The people on the internet are real but they don't live in your real world. I'm still not seeking anything and still going with the flow - No disappointments so far! What is it about Eastern European female accents? :confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ritey Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 And you take the piss out of me and my seat belt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now